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Thread: Being Scottish Funny Poem

  1. #1

    Thumbs Up Being Scottish Funny Poem

    Hey guys received this poem via e mail this morning and thought I'd share, so here goes:


    BEING SCOTTISH & PROUD


    Being Scottish is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

    And..............
    the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

    Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an
    ambulance.

    Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers,large fries and a DIET coke.

    Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

    NOT TO MENTION..

    3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
    shirts.

    58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives - Instead of screwdrivers.

    31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
    decorations were chocolate.

    Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
    cracker-pulling accidents.

    18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.


    5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

    and
    finally...

    In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

    If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

    SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it
    "A kind of evolution on steroids then?"

  2. #2
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    Cool

    Only in Scotland or any other country? It is funny, but gets less so when you see it for - UK, Australia, America and some other country I can't remember the name of, but probably most countries will do nicely. Sorry. I didn't even have to read it all. I've seen this countless times before and read comments where people say 'that could have been written about....'.

    Hey but it gave a chuckle.

  3. #3
    Haha, that might make is look like complete idiots, but 2 of the most popular and most used electronic devices origonated from this country: The phone and the TV. Not to mention the light bulb and some other stuff! What would the world do without us, i wonder? XD

  4. #4
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    Red Face (Embarrassed)

    Quote Originally Posted by crushter View Post
    Haha, that might make is look like complete idiots, but 2 of the most popular and most used electronic devices origonated from this country: The phone and the TV. Not to mention the light bulb and some other stuff! What would the world do without us, i wonder? XD

    I never knew that!

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by crushter View Post
    Haha, that might make is look like complete idiots, but 2 of the most popular and most used electronic devices origonated from this country: The phone and the TV. Not to mention the light bulb and some other stuff! What would the world do without us, i wonder? XD
    My sentiments exactly Oh we forgot to mention Penicillin
    "A kind of evolution on steroids then?"

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by crushter View Post
    Haha, that might make is look like complete idiots, but 2 of the most popular and most used electronic devices origonated from this country: The phone and the TV. Not to mention the light bulb and some other stuff! What would the world do without us, i wonder? XD
    According to Wikipedia, Alexander Graham Bell was born in Scotland! I never knew that. However, when you say "light bulb", are you referring to Thomas Edision? He is credited with inventing a long lasting light bulb, and he wasn't Scottish.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Werner Von Croy View Post
    Hey guys received this poem via e mail this morning and thought I'd share, so here goes:

    BEING SCOTTISH & PROUD If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

    SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it
    Theose were excellent.


    Haggis
    An introduction to the Haggis

    Haggis have lived in Britain since the Ice Age, and could be found throughout almost all of the country, now being restricted to the Highlands of Scotland.
    Their population is now declining. About 10,000 animals.
    Haggis come in two colours, purple and grey. Their total length, including the tail, is about 400mm, and they weigh up to 7kg. A haggis's diet is omnivorous and will include slugs and bulbs, earthworms and wild honey
    BENS
    Haggis are nocturnal creatures and lie up in an extensive system of underground tunnels and nesting chambers, known as a ben. Haggis bens are distinctive and some very large bens may have been in existence for many centuries.
    Haggis are very clean animals. They dig their dung pits 10-15 metres away from the ben and also at strategic places around their territory to mark out their home range.
    Haggis live in social groups of four to 12 adults. Only one female haggis in a social group normally breeds. The female (hen) will give birth to two or three neeps in late February or March and they will not appear outside of the ben until they are about six weeks old. By July they will be nearly the size of their parents and fully weaned.

    PROTECTION
    Haggis are protected by a number of laws. Haggis may not be deliberately killed, persecuted or trapped. Haggis baiting (using dogs to fight Haggis) has been outlawed since 1835. The Haggis Act 1983 afforded limited protection against Haggis digging, but this practice was not finally outlawed until 1981. The Protection of Haggis Act 1993 consolidates past haggis legislation and, in addition to protecting the haggis itself, makes it an offence to damage, destroy or obstruct haggis bens.
    The mortality rate is very high and although the maximum life expectancy of a haggis is about 14 years, few survive so long. Many being killed on the roads.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Gillie View Post
    Theose were excellent.


    Haggis
    An introduction to the Haggis

    Haggis have lived in Britain since the Ice Age, and could be found throughout almost all of the country, now being restricted to the Highlands of Scotland.
    Their population is now declining. About 10,000 animals.
    Haggis come in two colours, purple and grey. Their total length, including the tail, is about 400mm, and they weigh up to 7kg. A haggis's diet is omnivorous and will include slugs and bulbs, earthworms and wild honey
    BENS
    Haggis are nocturnal creatures and lie up in an extensive system of underground tunnels and nesting chambers, known as a ben. Haggis bens are distinctive and some very large bens may have been in existence for many centuries.
    Haggis are very clean animals. They dig their dung pits 10-15 metres away from the ben and also at strategic places around their territory to mark out their home range.
    Haggis live in social groups of four to 12 adults. Only one female haggis in a social group normally breeds. The female (hen) will give birth to two or three neeps in late February or March and they will not appear outside of the ben until they are about six weeks old. By July they will be nearly the size of their parents and fully weaned.

    PROTECTION
    Haggis are protected by a number of laws. Haggis may not be deliberately killed, persecuted or trapped. Haggis baiting (using dogs to fight Haggis) has been outlawed since 1835. The Haggis Act 1983 afforded limited protection against Haggis digging, but this practice was not finally outlawed until 1981. The Protection of Haggis Act 1993 consolidates past haggis legislation and, in addition to protecting the haggis itself, makes it an offence to damage, destroy or obstruct haggis bens.
    The mortality rate is very high and although the maximum life expectancy of a haggis is about 14 years, few survive so long. Many being killed on the roads.
    The thing is that's what I tell some Americans when they ask actually what a haggis is And some people do actually fall for it Thanks for sharing Gillie
    "A kind of evolution on steroids then?"

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Ruum Taedor View Post
    According to Wikipedia, Alexander Graham Bell was born in Scotland! I never knew that. However, when you say "light bulb", are you referring to Thomas Edision? He is credited with inventing a long lasting light bulb, and he wasn't Scottish.
    No, the origonal creator was from Scotland. I can't remember his first name, but his last was Watt, which is what the number of watts a bulb has comes from.

    Or at least I think he was Scottish... not so sure now. XD

  10. #10
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    Perhaps you are referring to James Watt. Yes, he was an inventor from Scotland, but I'm unclear as to exactly what he invented in relation to a light bulb. The unit of measurement "watt" comes to mind, but I couldn't confirm it.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Ruum Taedor View Post
    Perhaps you are referring to James Watt. Yes, he was an inventor from Scotland, but I'm unclear as to exactly what he invented in relation to a light bulb. The unit of measurement "watt" comes to mind, but I couldn't confirm it.
    Spot on he was the inventor as it was him that created the circuit board that you see in Physics classes

  12. #12
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    James Watt Inventor or improvement in Steam engines.The electrical unit is named after him.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Watt

    More Scottish inventors here.
    http://www.mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk...inventors.html

    When I lived in Scotland, I used to go Haggis watching myself.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Gillie View Post
    James Watt inventor or improvemnet in Steam engines.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Watt

    More Scotish inventors here.
    http://www.mymultiplesclerosis.co.uk...inventors.html

    When I lived in Scotland, I used to go Haggis watching myself.
    Where in Scotland Gillie just curious?

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Werner Von Croy View Post
    Where in Scotland Gillie just curious?
    I lived in Fife,near St Andrews, Leuchars to be precise. For over 10 Years.
    I loved it and was sad to leave as well.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Gillie View Post
    I lived in Fife,near St Andrews, Leuchars to be precise. For over 10 Years.
    I loved it and was sad to leave as well.
    Yeah nice area up there, near St Andrews etc,
    "A kind of evolution on steroids then?"

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by crushter View Post
    .....and some other stuff! What would the world do without us, i wonder? XD
    Not forgetting Charles Macintosh (1766-1843) inventor of the Mackintosh raincoat.
    Ham and Eggs - a days work for the chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.
    signature image

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by staticon View Post
    Not forgetting Charles Macintosh (1766-1843) inventor of the Mackintosh raincoat.
    You see MacIntosh everywhere in Glasgow his work seems to have profound effect worldwide

  18. #18
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    Hmmm...I don't know what to say...
    I'm of Scottish origin but no one in my family that I ever met had even been to Scotland. I think my family must have been here for a while. So I have no first hand knowledge of what it is to be Scottish.
    I can tell you my last name is spelled REALLY weird in Gallic, Dubhghlais!
    My Dad used to play the bagpipes...does that count?

    What about The Black Douglas? My Grandfather always wanted to believe he was a descendant of James Douglas

  19. #19
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    Hahaha!!!
    My dad's side of my family is Scottish and this is so true.

    Although I do think that the first half mostly refers to the whole of UK.

    Brilliant! Thanks for sharing.

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