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Thread: My Tomb Raider script - with concept art.

  1. #1

    My Tomb Raider script - with concept art.

    I hereby present my fanmade script for a future TR game, including some concept art - although they are only rough sketches, otherwise it would be like work...
    Should anyone from Crystal D read this: feel free to use the ideas or any part of it, I will not ask for money (well not very much anyway...) To the members: comments are welcome, but no comedians please...

    I've talked about the basic idea before: I would love to see Lara return to a valley or mountain populated by dinosaurs. Here's my idea about what story that would be:

    One day Lara receives a message that a friend or relative, or a friend or relative to Sam, was in a plane or helicopter that crashed above the South-American jungle, or perhaps the aircraft was shot down by guerilla's. The crew and passagers disappeared without a trace and no wreckage was recovered. The local authorities are more concerned about fighting the guerilla's and stopping the smuggle of cocaine in the region, so they are unwilling to look any further for survivors. Lara suspects that no trace of the aircraft was found because it crashed on top of a tepui: a South-American table mountain:


    (click image to enlarge)

    These mountains really exist: they've got steep slopes and flat tops. (this is one of my holiday pictures by the way)
    Life on the top of these plateaus is completely seperated from the world below, and the species of plants and animals found here evolved on their own. Unique species that live nowhere else are found on every mountaintop.

    Lara and Sam decide to start their own expedition to find the wreck and the loved one that may still be alive. They call upon the help of Jonah, as he as much experience with treks through the jungle. They fly to South America and enter the jungle. They have to stealthy sneak past the borderguard patrols who police the area looking for drug smugglers.

    Upon arriving in the wilderness, they come across hostile mercenaries, who are looking for the plateau themselves. Their employer has heard rumours about a mountain full of dinosaurs and wants to monetize them. Alternatively, the mercs could work for Trinity and are looking for a Star Phenomenon in top of the mountain. It depends on whether Trinity are bad guys or not...

    The mercs are led by -let's call him- O'Sullivan, who has a gripe against Jonah. Jonah used to be a member of his band of mercenaries, but left in disgust when O'Sullivan started to kill innocents. Jonah warned the authorities to have him arrested. O'Sullivan vowed to kill Jonah for this betrayal.

    Lara, Sam and Jonah find the table mountain, but the mercs are there first and they fight it out. After defeating a group of mercs they capture some of their equipment: a number of cloudhoppers. Cloudhoppers are one-man hot air balloons who are worn like a parachute.


    Again, these things are very real...

    They use them to fly to the top of the mountain. And to their astonishment, the jungle on top of the plateau is swarming with dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures, who survived into the 21st century due to the isolation of the plateau.



    They also discover ruins made by an ancient indian civilization who worshipped the dinosaurs as gods and demons, building temples and pyramids in their honour, sacrificing slaves to the carnivorous dinosaurs to stave off the wrath of these 'demons'.

    It should go without mention that walking through these forests, more wild and mysterious as has ever been seen by human eye since the mammoth hunters of the Pleistocene, is not like a walk in the park.



    Carnivores like Utahraptors are a constant danger: they are swift and vicious. But when Lara fires a netgun at them they will be trapped in the net and vulnerable to a finisher for a short time.

    Dinosaurs killed by Lara can be 'looted' for XP. To try to kill a large dinosaur like a Triceratops or a Stegosaurus is a helluva job, but the XP reward is huge (can you imagine how much meat that is ?)

    An encounter with a T-rex would result into a bossfight: I imagine that the beast will be too fast and too thick skinned to go down with small arms fire before it reaches you - it must first be slowed down with tranquilizer darts, after which Lara will have the time to shoot it with her guns.

    Soon, the mercenaries show up on the plateau as well and the heroes have to battle them too, including their motorcycle cavalry:



    When taking down a guy on a motorcycle he will fall off his bike and the bike slides over the ground towards Lara. She'll have to jump up and let it slide underneath her to avoid being knocked to the ground. Or it bounces over the ground and she'll have to duck down.

    The mercs captured some dinosaurs and put them in cages. By setting them free using the rope arrow Lara can bring hell down on the mercenaries:


    Go ahead and scream "Far Cry 3 rip-off" already

    In the center of the plateau is a deep lake. It's floor is littered with secrets and tunnle entrances, but it is also the home of some fearsome aquatic prehistoric animals. This could be the place to have a diving section with scuba gear.

    Eventually, Lara, Sam and Jonah discover that the friend or family member has been captured by the mercs and helt captive in a seaplane that has landed on the lake. They think up a plan to free him/her. The mercs are partying on the beach and in the jungle a herd of herbivorous dinosaurs grazes. Jonah and Sam light a few torches and scare the dinosaurs into going into a stampede that tramples the mercs' camp. Lara uses the confusion to slip aboard the seaplane, kill the guards and free the friend/family member. Sam and Jonah hurry to the plane as well and Jonah tries to fly it, but O'Sullivan shoots it down using a Stinger missle. They crash into the jungle and need to fight off lots of mercs and dinosaurs again.
    Then a huge number of T-rexes and other carnivores arrives as the crashsite is their annual mating ground. Jonah has a final machete-duel with O'Sullivan, is disarmed and knocked to the ground, but Lara saves him with a shotgun, blasting O'Sullivans head clean off... (or something less gory, point is he's dead...)
    The heroes then take parachutes from the crashed plane and jump off the edge of the plateau, leaving the mercs to be devoured by the carnivores...
    They all go home on a riverboat that sailes toward the sunset, while they marvel about what an awesome adventure that was and they start to wonder whether the myths about the sasquatches are true...

    Or something like that...

    As for multiplayer: the idea would be to have asymmetrical multiplayer gameplay of dinosaurs vs. humans. Scoring points as a dinosaur unlocks more abilities for stealth, strength and speed, and unlocks new dinosaur species, so everyone will work towards unlocking the T-rex. This kind of asymmetrical gameplay has already been done by a game called Primal Carnage, so there is a good basis to work from:



    Consider this:
    - it's asymmetrical gameplay: gunners vs. melee attackers. That would make it stand out from 90% of the Call of Duty style multiplayer games out there.
    - Both teams would have cool characters. Right now, Lara's team is made up of colourful characters who's personalities are fleshed out in the single player campaign, but the solarii are a bunch of ugly smelly men that nobody wants to play as. But if they were dinosaurs, people would work towards unlocking the cool species like T-rex and Spinosaurus just as much as they would want to unlock Lara, I think.
    - A great deal of stealth would be involved: as the dinosaurs cannot shoot they have to sneak through the tall grass until they see an opportunity.
    - As a dinosaur, one can eliminate an opponent with satisfactory gruesomeness, hahihahiha!
    - People often seem to complain that there's not enough animals in the game, well here they are...

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    Go ahead and scream "Far Cry 3 rip-off" already
    I haven't played Far Cry 3... I was actually going to say Jurassic Park 3

    Maybe FC3 ripped off JP3?

    I love your illustrations I do, however, think that the story is a bit too generic - rescue someone, in a jungle with dinosaurs, and mercs are there too. And I'm not fond of the idea of Sam and Jonah tagging along.

    Anyway, that's just me Mostly because it reminded me way too much of Jurassic Park. And because I want a more original story than "Lara vs Dinosaurs" Something that really builds on TR9, not just Lara and a couple TR9 side characters go have a random adventure.

    Now, someone else needs to post and say how much they love this idea
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  3. #3
    Well it's all about how it's being done... When talking about stories and premises that appear generic I always bring up the analogy of a cook. A cook uses ingredients that are already known for ages, but it's quality and the way he mixes and presents them that make a tasty dish...

  4. #4
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    Weird, I've been thinking of Lara and dinosuares the past few days.

    I'm really digging the idea of having Lara in a traditional, exotic jungle, with her bow and tank top, boots, cargo pants. That primitive survivor look vs. an underground laboratory of sorts that features modern technology, metallic design, some sort of secret military research base or sorts.

    Sort of a Turok theme.

    I like the idea of releasing enemies from a cage and having the two different AI fight each other, like the Panthers and Poachers in TRU.

    Though men on motorcycles with swords seems sort of dramatic to me.

    I certainly don't think dinosaurs are out of the question for this series, not now, not after the Oni and Himiko.

    I'm also not big on the idea of bringing Sam and Jonah along, randomly.

    I don't mind the idea of having them, a crew of sorts come with us on the next adventure. But I'd like them to stay on the ship, and be NPC for extra missions and story bits.

  5. #5
    Good drawings
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by larafan25 View Post
    I like the idea of releasing enemies from a cage and having the two different AI fight each other, like the Panthers and Poachers in TRU.
    Yup, I like that idea too

    Quote Originally Posted by larafan25 View Post
    I don't mind the idea of having them, a crew of sorts come with us on the next adventure. But I'd like them to stay on the ship, and be NPC for extra missions and story bits.
    Just how I feel as well

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    A cook uses ingredients that are already known for ages, but it's quality and the way he mixes and presents them that make a tasty dish...
    True, but...

    I guess what I'm feeling is that, in my opinion, there's not enough story in your idea. There's a situation (rescue someone), a setting, and the big sell point seems to be dinosaurs. That's not enough of a mystery to me, enough of a basis, to be the driving force of the story - although I admit I'm just not that hot on dinosaurs in general at this point in time. It's been done enough in the past however many years. We need something fresh. TR9's whole Dragon's Triangle / Sun Queen is very fresh as a mythology to drive the story, no one has done something like that recently or even semi-recently. TR10 needs the same type of fresh idea.
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  7. #7
    Nice artwork. xD
    I don't really like it i'm afraid. Some parts, yes, like the combat style of the mercs, but the plot is a bit, iffy.

  8. #8
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    Lightbulb

    Some good ideas here.

    Would also like to see dinos back in the TR universe. Though probably not in TR10. As has been said, we need something more new and fresh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    Well it's all about how it's being done... When talking about stories and premises that appear generic I always bring up the analogy of a cook. A cook uses ingredients that are already known for ages, but it's quality and the way he mixes and presents them that make a tasty dish...
    Hmm, I think that analogy would be true if you only provide the textures, etc.

    In this case you're providing the recipe.

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  9. #9
    Thanks all for the compliments and/or responses.

    If people don't like the whole dinosaur idea, fair enough, there's no accounting for taste...

    Concerning the point that it would be a meager story, well keep in mind that my story here would be only the basic premise. There's no mention yet of collectable documents, dialogues, cutscenes, subplots... Without all those things a brief resume of TR2013 may not sound very complex or original either. A good and well-written game could be made out of it, as well as a terrible one. That's basicly what I mean with the cook analogy: whatever the ingredients, in the end it is up to the talent of the good people of Crystal Dynamics to turn it into a game worth playing.

    Additional subplots could be written in, like Lara could explore the history of the native people who I mentioned. A lack of fresh ideas could be compensated by doing something radical such as writing in a love scene. Say that the loved one that is saved from the plane wreckage is Lara's boyfriend, and they celebrate by making love in a geothermal hot spring on top of a hill whilst the sun sinks down the horizon, casting it's light over a magnificent dinosaur wonderland, revealing a starry firmament shining like diamonds?

    Name me one game who's ever done that before

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    they celebrate by making love in a geothermal hot spring on top of a hill whilst the sun sinks down the horizon


    That's not gonna go down well :/


    Edit: no pun intended

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  11. #11
    Yeah the internet would explode, that's a lot of free advertisement

  12. #12
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    True that

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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    If people don't like the whole dinosaur idea, fair enough, there's no accounting for taste...
    I don't think that's fair to say. It would be more accurate to say something like "your mileage may vary". Saying that there's "no accounting for taste" implies that I don't have good taste if I don't think your idea is the best thing since sliced bread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    There's no mention yet of collectable documents, dialogues, cutscenes, subplots...
    Yes, but those things are all secondary, and don't have anything to do with the main premise of the game, which is what my point was. The secondary things are absolutely important, but the main premise of the game is the most important part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    Without all those things a brief resume of TR2013 may not sound very complex or original either.
    Well, it doesn't need to be complex, in fact, I've said myself in my review that TR9's story is a very simple one. But as I already pointed out in my post above, I do think that TR9's story is original enough.

    "Investigate the myth of a Japanese Sun Queen on an island where you are shipwrecked from storms that prevent anyone from leaving." That has a unique who (Japanese Sun Queen), a unique where (island with a mix of World War II and Japanese cultures) and a unique why (shipwrecked due to supernatural storms).

    Anyway, I guess we can agree to disagree
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  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Relight View Post
    I don't think that's fair to say. It would be more accurate to say something like "your mileage may vary". Saying that there's "no accounting for taste" implies that I don't have good taste if I don't think your idea is the best thing since sliced bread
    I did not mean it like that. If that is what the phrase implicates then I was unfamiliar with its implications...

    I wouldn't say that the TR2013 premise is as unique as you make it seem, but I don't think it matters all that much. In the end, if you think my script is generic you're well in your right to think so...

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    If that is what the phrase implicates then I was unfamiliar with its implications...
    For some reason I always interpreted that expression that way, with a negative connotation, even though I guess it's not really commonly used like that. No worries, now I understand what you meant

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    I wouldn't say that the TR2013 premise is as unique as you make it seem,
    You're right It's all in how it's pitched. Shipwrecked on an island. Rescue your friend. Ritual sacrifice. That wouldn't have sold me on TR9.
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  16. #16
    Could I encourage people to post their own ideas, either in addition to my script, or their own TR scripts, on this board? I would honestly love to read (and criticize, muhahaha ) those ideas, and perhaps the people of Crystal D would as well...

  17. #17
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    I saw an image of a lift...of sorts, some sort of door or device being lowered deep into the Earth. That image made me think of Lara discovering and exploring a completely submerged ancient world, that has air.

    I don't have a script for it though.

    What I desire though, is for the next adventures to feel different from the past uniform setup of globe-trotting, or setting out in search of treasure across the world. I know that's technically what Lara does, but I want some more interesting and mysterious setups.

    For instance, think of Bioshock Infinite, that's a character who now inhabits the Bioshock universe, but it wasn't all about him. There was a focus on the world he was in and the events that had happened in order for him to be there.

    I would like to see something like that in a future Tomb Raider title.

    But I'm really fond of having a location that does not actually exist, but who's location could be hidden somewhere on Earth.

    I like the idea of Lara being hired, or working on a ship, sort of like the crew of Disney's Atlantis. I'd love for her to be a part of that. But something larger than Endurance, something massive, with men in dark suits, a mysterious organization.

    Perhaps we can explore, become acquainted with the story and perform side-missions on the large underwater vessel before we land/ crash into the main location.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by larafan25 View Post
    I know that's technically what Lara does, but I want some more interesting and mysterious setups.
    Could you elaborate a bit on that? Give examples?

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jurre View Post
    Could you elaborate a bit on that? Give examples?
    Um. Hm....

    Maybe Lara is like "yo I need to find a way to get to this place and get this thing, I must understand and stuff" so she signs on board some large organized endeavor with other intentions than Lara has, and she travels with a huge crew of people, but has her own agenda. Eventually there would be betrayal and conflict.

    Maybe someone leaves letter in her apartment....

    Mysterious stuff.

  20. #20
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    Nice drawings, But im tired of Jurassic Park. Tbh.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by larafan25 View Post
    Weird, I've been thinking of Lara and dinosuares the past few days.

    I'm really digging the idea of having Lara in a traditional, exotic jungle, with her bow and tank top, boots, cargo pants. That primitive survivor look vs. an underground laboratory of sorts that features modern technology, metallic design, some sort of secret military research base or sorts.

    Sort of a Turok theme.

    I like the idea of releasing enemies from a cage and having the two different AI fight each other, like the Panthers and Poachers in TRU.

    Though men on motorcycles with swords seems sort of dramatic to me.

    I certainly don't think dinosaurs are out of the question for this series, not now, not after the Oni and Himiko.

    I'm also not big on the idea of bringing Sam and Jonah along, randomly.

    I don't mind the idea of having them, a crew of sorts come with us on the next adventure. But I'd like them to stay on the ship, and be NPC for extra missions and story bits.
    Maybe Lara can call up John Hammond, Dr. Grant and Dr.Malcolm

  22. #22
    I have updated the OP with some additional ideas (as well as corrected the spelling errors )

  23. #23
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    Im not very familiar with the previous TR games as I've only been introduced to the fandom through the reboot so I can't really comment on how plausible a storyline this is against the backdrop of the series.

    However the idea of Jonah making a return and being a major player in the story would awesome! I loved that character and I think it would be great if he could make a comeback in the continuation of the series...

  24. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by titaniumginger View Post
    Im not very familiar with the previous TR games as I've only been introduced to the fandom through the reboot so I can't really comment on how plausible a storyline this is against the backdrop of the series.
    Against the backdrop of the series it's entirely plausible because there have been dinosaurs in at least 4 other games. - 5 if I count that fire spewing T-rex like creature in Guardian of Light as a dinosaur...

    By the way while there are definately no dinosaurs alive today - all that Mokele Mbembe talk is just nonsense - technically I think there would be no reason why they couldn't be alive in a remote place of the world.

  25. #25
    Why don't just throw her into somekind of not-expeted-adventure by the Trinity (play the reboot, there is somekind of connection with the Trinity when you have all the GPS or documents - If i am not wrong), Maybe that the Trinity has known that Lara and other crews has survived from the Yamatai Island and think that she maybe useful for them to find something else in Croasta Place - I don't know I am writing right or not. And she is curious, want to help them so she step into a trap plans of The Trinity and she didn't know all the story (evil plans) that Trinity wants from her. Or maybe she is trying to escape from them because they think that Lara and her friends knew so much secrets so they try to kill her in the first sequence, then she accidentally find out the EVIL plans that Trinity wants so she continueing traveling to the unexpetation adventure with her friends again.
    And maybe in the journey, there will be some more characters like a guy name X, he "acidentally" fall into the journey with Lara or bringing the child ideals that they intend to do, it may cause more kind of humour and emotion for Lara in the journey. There would be so much of interested scenes between Lara and her friends. I want something like what Uncharted series has been doing so well or the Last of Us has done, too. If they want to get a 9/10 or 10/10, they need to learn how those games can get. Tomb Raider reboot has done pretty well, all it need is new things not dinosaur again eventhough your ideals are interested enough to make a game or maybe for the ripoff game such as Lara Croft and the Guardian of Lights.
    p/s: sorry for my bad at writing in English.

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