PDA

View Full Version : My Tr9 idea



tombraidergal
17th May 2009, 18:29
Edit: Naw!!! Not a tr9 idea, actually, a future tr idea.

Tomb Raider: Revealed.

It starts of with Lara climbing a tree to get to the top of a temple in the Tropical jungle somewhere... she reaches for her harness to grab her Video camera, when it drops, she swears loudly and bites her lip, wondering if she should go back down and get it. With her new improved grapple, she hooks it onto a pillar on the temple and swings down to the forest floor, quickly, she scrambles through the bushes and kicks twigs away. No luck, she can't find her camera. She says, 'damn it,' and proceeds to the temple anyway. When she is heading back down from the temple after finding no artefact but a single clue, an ancient hyrogliph. Men are staring at her, and a lady, tall and brunnette, she smiles at Lara.
'Thank you for all your information, we shall be leaving now, come men, we must leave, firstly, finish her off,' she had a french accent. The lady pulled a camera out of her pocket and then giggled. 'You dropped your camera, everything i need to know is on here, thanks,.'
The men come in and attack Lara, Lara uses her new fighting skills, and the grapple enemy move is back.
Lara is angry and runs out to the forest beach to sea a ship sailing away, well, towing her boat away.
'Damn it,' Lara saya and slumps down to the beach floor. 'at least i got my ear piece.'
She flicks her ear piece on, Zip is on the other line.
'Zip, bring a helicopter please, something weird just happened.'
'Co-ordinates?'
Lara skans her PDA then tells him the co-ordinates.
'Be on my way,' Zip answers.
The cutscene fades away and fades in again, lara is asleep and it's night time, when a breeze wakes lara up, the helicopter is landing.
'It's about time Zip!' she jumps into the helicopter and sighs.
'What's wrong?' Zip asks.
'We've just been revealed...'

TO BE CONTINUED...

I'll post the next part here in this thread soon. Hope you like my idea!

RaiderGirl#1
17th May 2009, 18:39
It's interesting.
I find it kind of close to the whole...Natla thing. I don't know if that makes any sense. I wonder if there's any way to do it without making it seem like the Natla scenes where she's telling Lara that Lara has found her everything she needs to know.
Maybe there's really no other way.

But I like the idea! What kind of artifact/thing is Lara going after? :)

tombraidergal
17th May 2009, 19:55
It's interesting.
I find it kind of close to the whole...Natla thing. I don't know if that makes any sense. I wonder if there's any way to do it without making it seem like the Natla scenes where she's telling Lara that Lara has found her everything she needs to know.
Maybe there's really no other way.

But I like the idea! What kind of artifact/thing is Lara going after? :)

You'll find out in the next part. Oh and i didn't mean for it to seem like Natla.... :D Just she looks at her recent journey, to see how strong and wise lara is, her knowledge of myths etc... and so she can find lara's weaknesses in anyway. :D

Wlado.Srbija
17th May 2009, 20:10
I like it! Very interesting introduction to the story.... Hope we'll find out what happens next, and what is Lara searching for.... :D

Gitb97
17th May 2009, 20:14
To Be Fair with you, i think you did WELL with it, it was abit not-so-sence-making because you dont explain how Lara got to the beach, and then after that i got abit confused and the rest of it didnt make much sence, so heres abit of adivce for when you write something again (if you do)

MAKE SENCE

:)

Wlado.Srbija
17th May 2009, 20:49
To Be Fair with you, i think you did WELL with it, it was abit not-so-sence-making because you dont explain how Lara got to the beach, and then after that i got abit confused and the rest of it didnt make much sence, so heres abit of adivce for when you write something again (if you do)

MAKE SENCE

:)

Oh, I guess you're a professional novelist then?

This scene is more like a teaser or an introduction to the story. So, later author can explain what happened before and during the scene (it's called retrospective...:D). So, you can't judge a book by the cover.... (you see that it's gonna be continued)

Also, if we're gonna talk about principes, by your rating standards, your story makes "no sense" either (http://forums.eidosgames.com/showthread.php?t=88788)

cm2
17th May 2009, 21:14
Stories are about imagination and to progress through a book, it is best to know as little as possible to understand the book-world completely. I found the introduction quite mind-grabbing, as soon as I read the beginning I was hooked and had my own vision of Lara climbing a tree to reach a grubby-looking Temple. Very good ... a well-rated story!

Wlado.Srbija
17th May 2009, 22:04
Stories are about imagination and to progress through a book, it is best to know as little as possible to understand the book-world completely. I found the introduction quite mind-grabbing, as soon as I read the beginning I was hooked and had my own vision of Lara climbing a tree to reach a grubby-looking Temple. Very good ... a well-rated story!
Totally agree!

RaiderGirl#1
17th May 2009, 22:25
Yes. I like it!

And I know you didn't mean it to sound like the meaning with Natla, but I don't think there really is any helping it! ;)

Maybe you should type this in a word document, and then paste it on here. That way you don't lose anything.

I'm excited for when you get more in depth and add detail! ;)

Max 28
18th May 2009, 08:44
Very good!:D It was a great intro, really created a scene.

If you agree with the comments that your villain is like Natla an idea could be to change the character to male. it would be a nice change form natla, Amanda and dopple.:)

I am looking forward to more....:D

tombraidergal
22nd May 2009, 22:16
Don't worry about it. Gitb90 is angry at me for saying her threads were pointless.... :)

Here is the next part:

FLASHBACK:

Lara sits on her boat in boredom, then begins to speak to zip on her ear piece.
'Zip, i don't see where this is going! the boat isn't going the right way...' she broke off, a heavy vibration rang through her body. startled at this new feeling, she scanned the horizon, clouds, grey and heavy clouds.
'Lara?'
'Hush Zip! I need to get out of here fast!'
'I can't hear you! I'm breaking up with ---'
Lara tapped her ear piece hard and sighed. She quickly jumped to her steering wheel and turned it, spinning it to the best of her abilities. No luck, it wasn't budging, the force of the waves were pushing her somewhere. an island by the looks of it.
'Shi--!' lara gasped as a wave poured down over her boat, lara was englufed in water, trying to escape from her boat, she slid open the door to the platform outside. Water, everywhere, and how far the surface was, she had no idea.
Frantically, she began swinging her arms up, trying to reach the surface for air. to breath maybe that last breath...

The fresh sound of wind, the smell of salt and wet grass, the touch of soft grains of -sand?- the floor. Coughing, lara got to her feet slowly and peered over her shoulder, she had been swept to shore, and her boat was not far from shore, but looked slightly dismantled.
'Crap,' Lara shook her head and shaked all the droplets of water off her. In front of her, was a forest opening, palm trees, weeds, foresty plants.

http://www.cleaneconomy.it/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/7081rain-forest-posters.jpg

She pushed all the plants behind her as she made her way through, eventually seeing a tall temple and palm tree. Perfect. Her video camera was still working after the ambush of water.
It starts of with Lara climbing a tree to get to the top of a temple in the Tropical jungle somewhere... she reaches for her harness to grab her Video camera, when it drops, she swears loudly and bites her lip, wondering if she should go back down and get it. With her new improved grapple, she hooks it onto a pillar on the temple and swings down to the forest floor, quickly, she scrambles through the bushes and kicks twigs away. No luck, she can't find her camera. She says, 'damn it,' and proceeds to the temple anyway. When she is heading back down from the temple after finding no artefact but a single clue, an ancient hyrogliph. Men are staring at her, and a lady, tall and brunnette, she smiles at Lara.
'Thank you for all your information, we shall be leaving now, come men, we must leave, firstly, finish her off,' she had a french accent. The lady pulled a camera out of her pocket and then giggled. 'You dropped your camera, everything i need to know is on here, thanks,.'
The men come in and attack Lara, Lara uses her new fighting skills, and the grapple enemy move is back.
Lara is angry and runs out to the forest beach to sea a ship sailing away, well, towing her boat away.
'Damn it,' Lara saya and slumps down to the beach floor. 'at least i got my ear piece.'
She flicks her ear piece on, Zip is on the other line.
'Zip, bring a helicopter please, something weird just happened.'
'Co-ordinates?'
Lara skans her PDA then tells him the co-ordinates.
'Be on my way,' Zip answers.
The cutscene fades away and fades in again, lara is asleep and it's night time, when a breeze wakes lara up, the helicopter is landing.
'It's about time Zip!' she jumps into the helicopter and sighs.
'What's wrong?' Zip asks.
'We've just been revealed...'
Zip looked puzzled, he steered the helicopter away from the island. 'You say what?'
'Revealed. A lady, she had a french accent, quite tall and pretty. She took my camera Zip, all the footage of my voyage in Avalon and the underworld are on there! And my knowledge for myths. She'll find out what i know and try to use it against me,'
'Crap Lara, couldn't you be more careful?' Zip cursed under his breath and pressed a few buttons above his head and on the steering panel.
'Zip, you try climbing a palm tree. Pretty hard. So you can shut your trap.' Lara chuckled and so did Zip. 'Anyway, what im saying is, she'll know everything, and of course, my pictures of my voyage, i spoke about the artifact i was collecting, oh i do wish i had been more careful,' Lara sighed and then smiled.
'But the images of the arefact i just retrieved are all on my earpiece. You should have recieved some pictures at the manor on your laptop.'
'Yeah since all the computers i owned were destroyed by the stupid dopple. I'll check,'
'Good, it's called the Manahoie, it's part of three artefacts, all this info is on the god damn cam. Zip, will you be as of so kind to try and make a connection between the Manahoie and jesus's cross, they're very similar, and i wonder about the culture he had, whether the Manahoie had something to do with his miracles... maybe it was just god, yes, wonderful god, but i must know for certain.'
'Bible tells the truth, Jesus is a miracle,'
'Lets hope so...' Lara glanced out of the window, the sea was pretty calm. Something small was in the horizon, as they got closer, it got bigger, and bigger...
'Crap! Zip, let the ladder out! This is my stop! Go to the nearest island, i'll call when i'm down,'
Zip nodded and pressed a few buttons. Lara lifted the lower hatch and climbed down. Just at the bottom ladder step she took a deep breath and dropped. Landed firmly on the high deck of the ship and winced.
'This is it. The moment i find out who this cow is... and who she is working for,'

TO BE CONTINUED...

Here is a little sneak of the next part-

'Manaro winked at lara, and her whole body began to change, her figure, her facial features, until she was a full on man...'

Hope you liked it!