PDA

View Full Version : Doh



TempySmurf
16th Jan 2009, 00:25
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/502-Tomb-Raider-Underworld

josh1122
16th Jan 2009, 00:34
my eyes bleed from watching that now :(

MissJess
16th Jan 2009, 01:34
I watched 25 seconds and turned it off.

pinpal
16th Jan 2009, 01:39
I watched 25 seconds and turned it off.

I hear ya

heller4u
16th Jan 2009, 01:40
THAT WAS STUPID! THAT GUY NEEDS TO DIE!!!!

Altho SOME parts were funny, even tho it hurts to say it.

hitnrun017
16th Jan 2009, 01:42
Hahaha. I'm sorry. I love Underworld, and I really disagree with this dude's opinion on the game and Lara, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't cracking up through the entire video. It really was funny.

italibabee
16th Jan 2009, 01:56
WTF?!

well some parts made me crack up...but the guy has nothing better to do...

jayjay119
16th Jan 2009, 02:04
OMG SOOOOOOO much stuff i don't agree with in that thing. Where do i start?

1/ 'Cover art displaying perky ehem 'nipps' '=
Okay this guy starts off with a comment Lara's breasts and continues to talk about them all the way through. The only person who seems to be obsessed with and advertising Lara's 'breasticles' are him, not us the fans who play for actual gameplay.

2/'Men never tend to do well around Lara they always tend to end up dead...' = Well they should stop trying to bloody kill her, purposly get in her way by helping the villain or play the hero then shouldn't they (Alistair being the exception)

3/ 'The game carries on from tomb raider legend so i spent the whole time trying to figure out what was going on and who i should care about....'


What idiot reviews a came that is widely publisised as being the concuding part of a trilogy without playing the previous installment. My verdict there my friend is that your not right, the story is fine for those of us who played the others.

4/ 'Lara is a totally unlikeable character...'
I bet i can round up a good few people who will disagree so she is not ''totally unlikable' no is she...

5/ 'they have tried to keep her face consistent with her 1996 incarnation but with toays graphics...'Well duh! you mean like every other developer of a game that has lasted as long as TR has, like metal gear solid/ Resident evil/ Tekken/ DoA etc and despite his comments i really don't think that Lara's face looks like 'a dinner plate with some paper cut-outs on it'...its too thin!

6/ 'She's evil....'
Well....Yeah, where have you been since 1995?

7/ 'At the beginning of TRUnderworld Lara has a bossfight with a Kraken, but the term bossfight may be a bit generous th ebloody thing doesn't move!'
Pay attention dude, no bossfight in TRU.

8/ 'You can swing right up to him and swing your ass right in his face and he doesn't even try to eat you he just wants you to *beep* leave....'
Ok, lol first and only funny thing in there and form here totally uncalled for amounts of profanity...hense the bleep!

9/ '.....camera....'
I won't even mention the insanely uncalled for remark about the bad camera [at 2:54] but the worst part is he actually had a good point but marred it with that remark!

10/ 'Lara is still incredibly snobby about what ledge like objects she will and wont hang from...controls are still a *beep* I would have thought that pressing forward and jump whilst standing under a ledge would communticate that i want to jump onto the ledge...but this game assumes that i want to hump the wall like an incredibly flat strippers pole!'

True, and the only creative critisism in the whole piece.

11/ '...keeps giving me the feeling that Lara's bum needs wiping...'
that's...just ....wrong!

12/ 'you fight turantulas in a jungle then fight the same turantulas in the english countryside...'
True and the only reason i comment is becaus the reason the spiders were in Croft manner baffled and annoyed me!

12/ 'It'd be nice if people could prove me wrong for once and not buy a game just because there is a great pair of udders on the front'
Ok first 'udders?' Lara isn't a cow..or am i missing something..and 2ndly i didn't buy it for the 'udders' so there you go...proved wrong.

So basically this guy wrongly thinks he is so smart and humerous that he is contantly right and can give a decent opinion on a game he only knows hal the details about. My verdict...Loser!

Load
16th Jan 2009, 02:22
:lol: I love Underworld and all but that was hilarious.
;) A little sense of humor never killed anyone.

josh1122
16th Jan 2009, 02:37
It just reminds me of the kind of quality you'd see on newgrounds.com

which is not saying much :lol: :lol:

GoranAgar
16th Jan 2009, 11:15
"The game play is shorter than a documentary about French war heroes" :lmao:

But mocking Tomb Raider 1 is like making fun of this design:

http://www.weltchronik.de/ws/bio/b/benzC/bc01929a-BenzCarl-18441125b-19290404d-02.jpg

You should have been there, buddy. It was great fun. You weren't, so shut up. :)

gizmo
16th Jan 2009, 12:26
Whatever floats your boat buddy :rolleyes:

Veppie
16th Jan 2009, 16:57
Haha, great fun. Very well made. It's a joke, it's sarcasm, don't take it to seriously (@jayjay119).

LC is Me
16th Jan 2009, 18:04
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I'm sorry but even though I loved Wunderworld (kekeke), you guys gotta loosen up.
That was the funniest crap I've heard in a while.

You could already tell he was bogus anyway because he didn't even play Legend to know what was going on.
Learn to laugh.
xD

rg_001100
16th Jan 2009, 18:25
my eyes bleed from watching that now :(


I watched 25 seconds and turned it off.

The page wouldn't load for me. From the sounds of things, I'm not missing out on much.

_Love2Raid_
16th Jan 2009, 18:53
Seen it already.

They bash almost every game. I think it's funny :lol:

Don't take it so seriously guys! ;)

Rexie
16th Jan 2009, 19:29
Sigh, this forum is starting to be The Youtube VS. Disney VS. Jonas Fangirls.- Drama

Yahtzee is known for bashing good games, and he does it for fun. Yes, Fun.Because he bashes it in a video, doesn't mean that he doesn't like it. Just check up his other videos. It's his job, he gets paid for it for Christ sake! So stop taking everything so goddamn seriously. It's a joke, get over it and move on.

Comment on the vid:

Another great vid by him, I always find him entertaining. Especially

"Neither one of them would just ******* die!"

:lol:

hitnrun017
16th Jan 2009, 21:08
I can't stop watching it. "My children need bread" gets me everytime (and the extremely tasteless camera comment). :lol:

josh1122
16th Jan 2009, 21:55
Sigh, this forum is starting to be The Youtube VS. Disney VS. Jonas Fangirls.- Drama

Yahtzee is known for bashing good games, and he does it for fun. Yes, Fun.Because he bashes it in a video, doesn't mean that he doesn't like it. Just check up his other videos. It's his job, he gets paid for it for Christ sake! So stop taking everything so goddamn seriously. It's a joke, get over it and move on.

Comment on the vid:

Another great vid by him, I always find him entertaining. Especially

"Neither one of them would just ******* die!"

:lol:

some one needs to lay off the caffein pills, good lord :lol:

simmer down. seems like your the one thats REALLY taking it personally that people dont like the video.

Bampire
16th Jan 2009, 22:36
Just for the record, the Excapist doesn't Hate all video games he bashes. He does it for fun. Yes, I'm sure he hated a lot of them ,when he consistently tells how tedious a game can be and other reasons why. Like 'Prince of Persia' (the new one) for an example. But everyone has to realize it's only a matter of opinion.

You don't need to take it to heart. I suggest watching his other videos before all the Tomb Raider ones.

-Edit:

I have to say that was pretty funny. I love the excapist, because they bash any and every game, even if they love it. They always pull out those flaws. I agree with the story, it was absurd, but whatever. I still love Tomb Raider, and I hope there will be no more mother or father stories, especially when it comes to movies.

His view upon Lara is hilarious. They did make her way too appealing to the eye, with her wetsuit. The game shouldn't be just about how sexy the woman can be in thong-like-wetsuits! But anyway. I still love Lara, and I stil lsay the video was funny.

I just remind myself that many other reviews that I have read and listened to are liking the game. It's 50/50 in the review spectrum. Some give 4/5 stars and the others give 2/5 stars.

JustMe
16th Jan 2009, 22:40
Well he talks WAY too fast...i get what he says but it gets annoying after 10 secs so i turned it off :lol: well what he said made me laugh...the way he talks made me laugh too :lol: :rolleyes:

LC is Me
17th Jan 2009, 01:48
I gotta re-watch it.
BRB.

The_Underworld
17th Jan 2009, 02:25
How can you hate it?!? It's HILARIOUS!!!! You need a sense of humor. Come back when you have one! LOL:rasp:

:lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol:

josh1122
17th Jan 2009, 03:08
It probably would be funny if i could understand what he said. All I heard was fast talking gibberish :lol:

LC is Me
17th Jan 2009, 03:24
How can you hate it?!? It's HILARIOUS!!!! You need a sense of humor. Come back when you have one! LOL:rasp:

:lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol:

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l158/Suicidal_Animal_Cracker/misterbrainhat.jpg
xD
"She's of her f---ing rocker!"
"Innovation is to this series what cheeseburgers are to a lactose intolerant Hindu."
Aw, man.

josh1122
17th Jan 2009, 03:26
http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l158/Suicidal_Animal_Cracker/misterbrainhat.jpg
xD


shouldnt of been miss instead of mister? :lol:

had to rewatch it again to hear what he was saying, part was funny when he was confused about her dead mother being alive but really dead

LC is Me
17th Jan 2009, 03:30
shouldnt of been miss instead of mister? :lol:

had to rewatch it again to hear what he was saying, part was funny when he was confused about her dead mother being alive but really dead
I almost died when he talked about the Kraken.
xD

Rexie
17th Jan 2009, 08:08
shouldnt of been miss instead of mister? :lol:

had to rewatch it again to hear what he was saying, part was funny when he was confused about her dead mother being alive but really dead

And so once again we slip into the D cups of Lara Croft, world’s worst archaeologist. When she’s not putting her foot through inestimably valuable samples of ancient pottery, she’s stealing every slightly shiny thing that was ever buried with some royal dead guy and hoarding them in her basement.

And yet the academic world continue to let her run amok, probably because (a) academics are basically the alpha males of the nerd pack and (b) Lara Croft is built like a giant bong with two footballs nailed to it.

There’s also a reasonable explanation for why this series is still going, ‘cause any cover art that shows a decent enough pair of perky nips directly penetrates the primitive part of the male brain and awkward nerds have to find a powerful instinct to club the game with a jawbone and drag into a cave by its hair.

Not that men ever seem to do very well around Lara Croft, they usually end up either dead or carrying her shopping, but if she did choose to settle down I’ve got a perfect candidate for a husband: Jason Voorhees. They’ve got so much in common: They’ve both had an embarrassing number of adventures that all follow an extremely specific formula, they both have an irresistible compulsion to murder God’s creatures, they’ve both spent a lot of time underground. Most importantly, neither of them will ever just ****ing die!

Tomb Raider Underworld’s story goes as follows: Lara’s looking for her mum who’s dead only she isn’t really, she’s just stuck in the afterlife so maybe she is dead, I dunno and there’s this evil lady who blows up Lara’s house because, er, I guess she really doesn’t want Lara to find her mum.

The story follows on from Tomb Raider Legend which I haven’t played, so I spent the whole game trying to figure out what was going on and who I was supposed to care about. The answer to that last question I eventually discovered: absolutely bloody no-one! Especially not myself. In fact, towards the end I was considering slitting my own throat with the game box just because pressing the ‘off’ button would take slightly longer.

The more games that pass, the more clear it becomes to me that Lara Croft is a completely unlikeable character. Part of it is her face: they’ve made an effort to keep her general appearance consistent with the days when she was depicted in 90s rendering (by today’s standards the computer graphics equivalent of Fuzzy Felt) and now alongside more realistic characters her face looks like a dinner plate with some paper cut-outs arranged on it. But the main reason why it’s hard to sympathise with her is because, she’s… well… evil. Most of her villains are really just trying to steal treasures before she can, and many of them are clearly significantly less wealthy than her.

In Tomb Raider Anniversary there were several amusing moments when she was forced to kill human boss characters and after every single one she’d always look at her hands with an insane, grief stricken, “What kind of monster have I become?” kind of way. But really, she’s fooling no-one. She’s off her ****ing rocker.

This isn’t even mentioning her whole animal problem. At the beginning of Trunderworld, Lara has a boss fight with a giant Kraken but the term “boss fight” may be a little generous. The bloody thing doesn’t move! He’s just chilling out in his front room. You could swim right up to his face and shake your ass and he won’t even try to eat you; he just wants you to ****ing leave before all the other oceanic horrors arrive for his housewarming party. So of course, Lara drops a ****ing spiky chandelier on his head and lets him die in agony. This is not appropriate conflict resolution!

Normally I’d spend some time explaining the gameplay but why should I have to do that at this point? There have been nine of these ****ing games; you already ****ing know how it plays. Innovation is to this series what cheeseburgers are to a lactose intolerant Hindu. You fling yourself around ancient cities where a whole bunch of sophisticated ancient mechanisms still perfectly function even while most of the ceilings have collapsed and you die a lot because your camera is being operated by an eight year old autistic child hooked up to an IV full of sherbet, and Lara is extremely snobby about which ledge-like objects she will and won’t dangle from.

Controls are still a *****. I would have thought that pressing forward and jump while under a ledge would communicate that I want to jump onto the ledge, but apparently I’m not speaking the right language because this game assumes that I want to breathlessly hump the wall like an extremely flat stripper’s pole.

Oh, Trunderworld isn’t completely without innovation. There’s a rather heavy emphasis on deep sea swimming this time around that comes with an intriguing new wetsuit costume cut so finely around Lara’s buttocks you could practically see the fabric disappear up her rectum every time she bends over.

There’s also a new texture effect wherein Lara gets dirty as she runs around and if you look at the box art and can tear your gaze away from Lara’s proudly displayed Bristols, you’ll notice that the dirtiness thing is prominently featured, and you know a series is stagnating when that’s the best they can come up with as a selling point besides the aforesaid torso-fritters. And the dirtiness thing combined with the wetsuit thing keeps giving me the troubling feeling that Lara’s bum needs wiping.

But don’t let top-of-the-range buttock physics distract you from what Tomb Raider Underworld is. It’s the same thing every Tomb Raider sequel has been: another lazy stamping out of the same levels with different wallpaper and minor graphical and gameplay upgrades.

Tomb Raider Underworld is a particularly bone-idle example. The play time is shorter than a documentary on French war heroes, all the puzzles are artificially lengthened by having you do them all twice to open both sides of a door and the same enemies are recycled from locale to locale. You find jungle tarantulas in a jungle then find the exact same tarantulas in the English countryside, they all having presumably come over on a package tour.

It would be nice if people could prove me wrong for once and not buy a game just because there’s a set of big wobbly udders on the front, but then I have no faith in the human race, at least not while Michael Atkinson is still alive.

rg_001100
17th Jan 2009, 08:17
Normally I’d spend some time explaining the gameplay but why should I have to do that at this point? There have been nine of these *ing games; you already *ing know how it plays. Innovation is to this series what cheeseburgers are to a lactose intolerant Hindu. You fling yourself around ancient cities where a whole bunch of sophisticated ancient mechanisms still perfectly function even while most of the ceilings have collapsed and you die a lot because your camera is being operated by an eight year old autistic child hooked up to an IV full of sherbet, and Lara is extremely snobby about which ledge-like objects she will and won’t dangle from.

Controls are still a *. I would have thought that pressing forward and jump while under a ledge would communicate that I want to jump onto the ledge, but apparently I’m not speaking the right language because this game assumes that I want to breathlessly hump the wall like an extremely flat stripper’s pole.

I thought this bit was decent. Am not in the same wavelength of humour for the rest of it...

tombraidergal
17th Jan 2009, 11:05
WTF?!

well some parts made me crack up...but the guy has nothing better to do...

true, i thought tht, sum bits were hilarious you have to admit, but sum bits were mean like putting a cross through legend! i woz like :thud:

tombraiding101
6th Feb 2009, 00:38
That was the worst video I have ever seen! What kind of guy does he think he is! Some TR fan who knows everything about TR nanometer by nanometer?! Lara is not like that! They ruin our good Lara's name! Shame on them **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****!!!!!

By the way, they said too many **** no no words in that little tiny review! I watched it for barely 2 minutes and I closed the stupid window, shutting that guy crtisizing our good Lara's name up. I hope no one who is reviewing will follow that example! It was horrible! My eyes and ears were just shocked at what i have heard and seen! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: **** **** **** **** ****


Excuse my madness at the bad bad person!

Rexie
6th Feb 2009, 13:27
[SIZE="6"][B][I][U]That was the worst video I have ever seen! What kind of guy does he think he is! Some TR fan who knows everything about TR nanometer by nanometer?! Lara is not like that! They ruin our good Lara's name! Shame on them **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****!!!!![
By the way, they said too many **** no no words in that little tiny review! I watched it for barely 2 minutes and I closed the stupid window, shutting that guy crtisizing our good Lara's name up. I hope no one who is reviewing will follow that example! It was horrible! My eyes and ears were just shocked at what i have heard and seen! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: **** **** **** **** ****


Excuse my madness at the bad bad person!

Now Josh, can you resist commenting on this? :p

Keir
6th Feb 2009, 13:37
I thought it was funny :lol:

Sina_Croft
6th Feb 2009, 14:41
I loved it :p :nut: :lol: :lol:
I found it quite hilarious xD

a_big_house
6th Feb 2009, 20:40
can someone youtube it stupid website wont play it waaaa its sounds so funny

tombraiding101
9th Feb 2009, 22:13
I AM DONE WITH THAT GUY! AND IF U DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, GO TO MY PREVIOUS POST IN THIS THREAD, quoted by Rexie.

LC is Me
9th Feb 2009, 22:33
I AM DONE WITH THAT GUY! AND IF U DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, GO TO MY PREVIOUS POST IN THIS THREAD, quoted by Rexie.
You must not be very familiar with Yahtzee.

He's "trashed" (and I use the term loosely) just about every game he's reviewed.
The only game he's "liked" was Portal.
xD

Chill out.

The_Underworld
10th Feb 2009, 00:11
I wonder if he likes pong?:lol:

rg_001100
10th Feb 2009, 07:40
I was unable to view the video talked about in the thread, but after watching a couple of other reviews, the guy doesn't seem so bad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_rCbrbzYLw

kiss-bite
10th Feb 2009, 08:43
It made me smile.:D

LunderworldC
10th Feb 2009, 14:09
Amm,Yeah...at first it was quite..funny..but after a little while.....you know,it became really annoying and stupid.:eek:

I don't think it's funny.I actually believe it's :mad2: idiocy! :mad2:

(it is just my opinion,don't start attacking again!)

rg_001100
10th Feb 2009, 17:40
Amm,Yeah...at first it was quite..funny..but after a little while.....you know,it became really annoying and stupid.:eek:

I don't think it's funny.I actually believe it's :mad2: idiocy! :mad2:

(it is just my opinion,don't start attacking again!)

I think to a certain extent it is trying to be funny because of the expectation for it to be funny, but aside from some of the crap in there there's actually quite a lot of good criticism about the game. (A fair amount of little niggling in it, though).

pleomax
10th Feb 2009, 18:35
I agree with some of it.

It was very short.

And the puzzles were lame, it followed the same formula over and over.

The graphics were great, but i think they could have been more creative with the gameplay.

I think so much money and time these days is spent on graphics that they don't really bother with innovative gameplay anymore.

rg_001100
10th Feb 2009, 18:47
I agree with some of it.

It was very short.

And the puzzles were lame, it followed the same formula over and over.

The graphics were great, but i think they could have been more creative with the gameplay.

I don't think CD needed to be more creative with gameplay, necessarily, with TR:U; but they could've been bolder. It wasn't much of an issue with TR:U itself.

The puzzles weren't exactly the "same formula"... but they are lame in that they're not so much puzzles. It worked, though, and their simplification is not what was wrong with them. ZP comments on how a lot of the puzzles are mirrored (Kraken room, Mexico, Jan Mayen), which gives a cheap effect. The puzzles were done well in how hard they were, for a lot of people. They were not overly frustrating, and not too babyish.


I think so much money and time these days is spent on graphics that they don't really bother with innovative gameplay anymore.

We have seen some innovation from games, such as Mirror's Edge, and Crysis (are a couple examples I can think of), but in the modern day it's more of a progression thing. This is partly because of the high stakes of games nowadays, they cost a lot of money to make, and need to sell well to make profit, then. Going with safe/"good enough" is what a lot of companies do, rather than be able to make a brilliant game.
TR:U has steps in the right and wrong directions... Player Tailoring is a brilliant way to have the game go forward, the exploration was good, and other features of 'classic' raiding were prominent... yet it did not please the TR:L group.

EDIT:
TR:A review.. (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/5-Tomb-Raider-Anniversary)