View Full Version : The History of Thanksgiving

2nd Dec 2002, 14:27
And BTW, Canadians... just kidding LOL!

1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.

1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.

1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.

1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.

1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."

1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, by calling them sloppy eaters, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.

1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.

1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.

1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, which was sparked partially by the absense of the turkey market, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River. The next October, bobbing for apples was started, because it was easier.

1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.

1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around. Someone then started the act of taking drugs, because it wasn't so messy.

1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving, a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.

1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.

2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this into law , and during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evildoers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's
grandma...it's your duty as an American...

2nd Dec 2002, 14:33
What's "Thanksgiving"?

(I'm Australian... :rolleyes: )

2nd Dec 2002, 15:15
Originally posted by newk007
What's "Thanksgiving"?

(I'm Australian... :rolleyes: )

When people (Pilgrims) came to North America from Europe in the 1600's, the Indians, already living here, helped them to survive the first harsh winter. Many Pilgrims would not have survived without the Indians' help. The Indians taught the Pilgrims many things, among them how to grow food. To celebrate, the Pilgrims and Indians got together for a big feast. The main course involved a turkey. To this day, we still celebrate by taking time from work and eating a lot of turkey, ham, etc, usually in groups involving loved ones. Some of us travel long distances to do this.

2nd Dec 2002, 16:27
President Abraham Lincoln (who freed the slaves and ended the Civil War) made the fourth Thursday in November a national holiday called "Thanksgiving Day." Most businesses give people the Friday after off, too.

2nd Dec 2002, 19:01
I'm another Aussie, Newk, living in Canada now, and I *like* Thanksgiving. It's on a Monday in October here, which makes for a traditional Long Weekend (man, if you thought Aussies were good at those, Canadians rule. There seems to be a 3 day weekend just about every month!) It makes more sense to me to have it a bit further from Christmas, too, because theoretically I can lose the weight from all the Thanksgiving over-eating before the round of Christmas parties starts!

I think it's a nice idea to just have a time devoted to giving thanks - to God for those who believe, and to friends, relatives and family - for the many blessings we all enjoy. Especially when the news sucks as bad as it does these days, remembering to give thanks and appreciate the good things in life is important.

See ya,


PS I liked the 'History' a lot, yubetcha!

3rd Dec 2002, 13:25
Thanks, Bravus. Yeah, I agree. It is important to focus on the good... at least once in awhile :). Especially these days. A 3 day weekend every month?! :eek: My bags are packed! Mind if we stay with you until I find a job? It shouldn't take more than a couple of years :D Back in the 1960s, Canada's population grew by quite a bit, I understand. Perhaps the people who went there had the right idea :).
Yeah, it is better to have TG farther from Christmas. Personally, I wish that both holidays were in warmer weather. October's a good start... or would that be a good finish? :) But then stores here would put up Christmas displays in the Spring. Right now it's September/October :( . It would be nice if the holidays meant something more than commercialization. All I hear about in the news are retailers' hopes and worries.

6th Dec 2002, 20:57
I'd do a little research on the Canadian economy before packing too many bags.