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Raider Sunrise
5th Sep 2002, 18:15
Just wanted to share something that happened to me today with you... I'm so angry and embarrassed about that. Today, I went to the house of a friend of mine, a guy, who is one year younger than me (I'm fourteen) and a computer game freak. We often play computer games together and our families know each other, we were neighbors for like, six years.

OK, so I'm with him playing computer games like, three-four hours, then I come home in the afternoon. And I tell my family what we've done. And my grandma and my dad start making a huge fuss about me and him being alone at his house all day. (Mind you, I've asked my mom and she said OK, and his mom was at home for about half the time.) Then my mom calls me and says 'I'll ask you something and I want an honest answer. Did you do something with this guy that we wouldn't approve of?' And I say 'no', and it's the truth. And mom says, 'OK I believe you, but I will not let you go to his house again without having your sister with you.'

I felt so angry and embarrassed about that, although I didn't do anything. The guy's like, one of my best friends, and we're just that: Friends. And such a thing has never happened before with my parents. It's like they don't trust me and I've never done anything wrong before. I feel so bad about that, I just wanted to tell you. :(

RaiderRanger
5th Sep 2002, 19:16
Why do you feel angry and embarrassed? Your parents are only showing concern for your safety. I have a daughter who is nearly 14 and I'm sure I also would be concerned if she spent all morning at the home of a boy,whether I knew him or not.

AmO
5th Sep 2002, 19:22
i think your parents believe you, but its possible they are more worried about what "other" people might think, so just don't put yourself in a "questionable" sistuation like that again, for your own sake.:) people can't gossup if there is nothing to gossup about.

DaveJ
5th Sep 2002, 20:01
Why not have this friend of yours come play videogames at your house under your mums eye?

She'll get the message then.

Aquarius
5th Sep 2002, 20:38
Parents are overprotective, and blow things way out of proportion.

Simple as that. :p

DaveJ
5th Sep 2002, 21:12
Also gotta remember that your parents and grandparents never had videogames to play with their friends with.

No wonder it seems inconcievable to them you could spend so much time there.

Raider Sunrise
5th Sep 2002, 21:52
Thank you so much guys, now that some time has passed and I've read all your advice, I can look at the situation calmer :) And I try to understand my parents' side too.

DaveJ, he often comes over to us, so I've tried that. But the thing is, I went his house for playing games before, like I did today, and nobody made any fuss. But suddenly today, boom! Everyone making a fuss and my mom asking me questions like she doesn't trust me. I'm asking myself, what did I do to lose their trust?

EDIT: btw, I was posting and just this second mom came and said 'Do you have anything you want to tell me?' I said no and she said 'are you sure?' I said yes and she started asking me questions like 'what are you writing? to whom? about what?' and she's never asked me questions like that this way before. She's starting to make me feel guilty, so just this second I lied to her and said I was posting something about AoD. Please help, I'm starting to feel really uneasy about this... :(

TombRaiderChik
5th Sep 2002, 22:01
trust me that is not as embarassing as wut im gonna tell ya! its okay tho i know how u feel ;) dont worry bout it too much...okay my story...

well my bf came ova one night and we were downstairs watching resident evil and ya well we always end up makin out n shyt but my mum kinda came down the stairs while he was on top of me annd yeah she just went back up adn didnt say anything but i could hear her on the stairs and she sed sumfin to me after...i was reeeallly embarrased.

BeKs
5th Sep 2002, 22:15
Awww what a confusing situation hun.

My few words of advice are about understanding. Depending on how old your parents are, you gotta remember that life can be a lot different from what it was when they were your age. My parents are OLD !! lol (but kewl all the same) They weren't eve allowed to go to school with the opposite sex, let alone play on thier own with them. As long as you are sensible and you know you did nothing wrong then try not to worry.

Maybe going to your Mum and bringing it up yourself with her would make her see from your side more and that you aren't afraid to talk about it.

As for loosing trust in you, i would bet that your Mum's feeling are still the same for you and she still loves ya and trusts ya loads. Things in the world are worrying at the moment, and that tends to bring out the proctective side of parents.

I think the best thing to do is to approach your Mum and talk about it on your terms ... im sure it will go great :) *HUG*

Data
5th Sep 2002, 22:20
Parents can feel insecure about their responsibility toward you, however you need not take this as lack of trust; you simply need to review any given situation from their perspective. ;)

CatSuit&Ponytail
6th Sep 2002, 12:09
Raider Sunrise, you are at an age now that makes all parents absolutely crazy. It is not your fault, nor is it theirs.

You know very well what they are worried about. They are worried you will "get in trouble". It is the same with every generation of parents. Trust me, my folks were completely mental when I was your age. ;)

I think it is time you had "that little talk" with them. Let them know that you are aware of the pressures that teen-agers go through, and that you won't do anything to injure yourself. Be calm, be sincere, and be totally honest that they are making you feel guilty even though you have done nothing to be guilty about.

Also be aware that they understand how humans work a little better than you, and what they worry about are things that actually happen to good girls.

Ha, teen-age is the time parents wish that it was a boy they were raising, and not a girl, hehehehe ;) :D

RaiderRanger
6th Sep 2002, 18:18
When I was pregnant with my 1st child some-one said to me that if you have a boy you only have 1 **** to worry about, but if you have a girl you have everyone elses to worry about. LOL.

Raider Sunrise
6th Sep 2002, 20:46
Again, thank you a bunch for your support and advice guys. I tried talking to my mother today, and she said 'I have a feeling that I can't protect you, that you are somehow in danger these days. This is not a logical thing, I just feel this way' and she also said that she was upset about me spending time on the internet. I can guess why, recently in Turkey there were some issues about girls who met satanists on the internet and got killed or committed suicide afterwards. I told her that everyone on the forums is just so nice :)and I suggested she and I browse the forums together once or twice so she can know what this is about, but she said no, she was not that kind of person. :rolleyes: She was kinda reluctant to talk about the whole thing. I'll try though. Again, thanks a lot for your advice!! :) I would never have imagined that someday people from so many corners of the world would try to help me about one of my problems. Thank you so much!!! :)

Prelude
6th Sep 2002, 22:32
The internet can be a good way to meet people, like you said, from all walks of life and from all over the world. I have met some very special and good people through the net, one in particular, however it still can be viewed as taboo, particularly by the older generation. Unfortunately not everyone is a nice person and the fact remains that you never really know who you are talking too, and there have been some bad things happen. We generally only hear about these bad stories, which doesn’t help with people views about the internet. But that’s just the way society is, you very rarely see a news report about two people who met on the net and fell in love and are living happily ever after! But if something bad happens your guaranteed to hear about that. However for me the internet still remains a gift that enables me to speak to people all over the world, and take comfort from them, which I have done many a time. You did the right thing in trying to talk to your Mother about this, like the others have said she has your best interests at heart, but understand that it is probably difficult for her to realise what you have gained from speaking to people on the internet and how much it means to you to be able to do this.

PS. I am leaving for Turkey in 1 day, can’t wait to see your beautiful county. :D

RaiderRanger
7th Sep 2002, 05:38
I totally agree with what you have just said. Have a great time in Turkey. :)

Prelude
7th Sep 2002, 09:17
Originally posted by RaiderRanger
I totally agree with what you have just said. Have a great time in Turkey. :)

Thanks RaiderRanger, I will. :D

I see you are from my home town, anywhere near Hatfield House? (that's such a Yank thing to say isn't it! :rolleyes:

Raider Sunrise
7th Sep 2002, 11:42
Have a great holiday Prelude!! :)

Deekman
7th Sep 2002, 14:57
CS&P is another member of this forum who gives wise and sage advice.
You might even want to let your Mom read throught this thread to see
that you actually do understand and share her concerns and have nothing to hide.

RaiderRanger
7th Sep 2002, 17:21
Hi Prelude, I come from Hemel Hempstead. I have never been to Hatfield House. :)

Prelude
7th Sep 2002, 18:10
Originally posted by RaiderRanger
Hi Prelude, I come from Hemel Hempstead. I have never been to Hatfield House. :)

Hemel Hempstead huh, know it well. Oh you should go some time, it totally kicks arse. It's just like being at Lara's home. :D

RaiderRanger
7th Sep 2002, 21:48
I'll have to give it a try then. I've just got back from seeing an outdoor show called ' Spirit of the Horse' in Redbourne. It's a really good show, if you like horses you must go and see it.:)

infinite_sadness
10th Sep 2002, 18:50
parents sux!!

RaiderRanger
10th Sep 2002, 19:08
WHY????:( Having trouble with them?

EddyBones
11th Sep 2002, 01:52
Parents don't suck. Why? Because when I'm in college I need a place to live. I don't want to get stuck up in a cruddy dorm with a bunch of annoying punks. And parents give you food:) (at least they should, and if they don't you know something's really wrong)
Anyway, my parents don't trust me. That's life. I've gotten used to it. My advise is just talk to your parents and ask why they are acting the way they are. That's what I do. You'll understand them better.

Lil Lara
11th Sep 2002, 02:38
I second that, Gandalf. Beautifully said. Lol. :D

LARAMANIAC
13th Sep 2002, 21:54
Originally posted by Prelude
The internet can be a good way to meet people, like you said, from all walks of life and from all over the world. I have met some very special and good people through the net, one in particular, however it still can be viewed as taboo, particularly by the older generation. Unfortunately not everyone is a nice person and the fact remains that you never really know who you are talking too, and there have been some bad things happen. We generally only hear about these bad stories, which doesn’t help with people views about the internet. But that’s just the way society is, you very rarely see a news report about two people who met on the net and fell in love and are living happily ever after! But if something bad happens your guaranteed to hear about that. However for me the internet still remains a gift that enables me to speak to people all over the world, and take comfort from them, which I have done many a time. You did the right thing in trying to talk to your Mother about this, like the others have said she has your best interests at heart, but understand that it is probably difficult for her to realise what you have gained from speaking to people on the internet and how much it means to you to be able to do this.

PS. I am leaving for Turkey in 1 day, can’t wait to see your beautiful county. :D

Yeah what prelude said - nicely put girlfriend!!!!
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/angel09.gif

Nena
15th Sep 2002, 18:49
I know how you feel Raider Sunrise my parents are so overprotective but they trust me and i know sometimes they dont understand me but is ok and im sure that ur parents trust u. Dont worry u havent done anything wrong just talk to ur parents and tell them whats up and tell them that u wont do anything wrong and if she wants ur sis to come along dont argue with them and let ur sis come so she can tell them that ur tellin them the truth. Im the youngest and im 15 and my sis is 16 and i have to go with her everywhere is not so bad. Yes they live in other times but is ok cuz they were still teens and im sure they'll try to understand u. Plus I live in New York and in the Bronx my parents are overprotective cuz of the ***** that happens here but is ok once u get used to it. So calm down sit ur parents down and talk to them honestly. Dont feel guilty cuz u havent done anything wrong.:)

Kat
16th Sep 2002, 12:15
I can't tell you RaiderRanger how I wished that my parents were watchful like yours are when I was younger.

I had 2 sisters that were pregnant before they graduated high school! Then the other ran away. I myself hopped from boyfriend to boyfriend, even though it was after high school, but I wished they would have been there to say "you need to straighten up and do it now!"

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, and they love us girls (there are 4 of us, i am the oldest), but I don't know if it was worrying about dad's health problems, or if they thought we were grown up enough to make our own decisions, but I wished they had been there to show us the wise decisions to make.


anyways, what I am trying to say to you is give them time, as CS&P told you, you are at a very volitile age, that is driving both you and your parents into what can seem at times to be madness! But it will pass, the waters will calm, and they will see that they can trust you, and you will see that they aren't so bad after all. They just love you alot.

Jewell
21st Sep 2002, 23:04
Origionally Posted by RaiderRanger

When I was pregnant with my 1st child some-one said to me that if you have a boy you only have 1 **** to worry about, but if you have a girl you have everyone elses to worry about. LOL.

how very true, and yet the funniest thing i have read today.


anyway, i really wouldn't view it as a lack of trust, just more of a concerned parent. i too have issues like this with my parents and i have found the best way to learn to understand is to try to look at it from their point of view. what would you worry about if you were them? also what Kat said about having concerned and caring parents, it is a privlege to have people that look after and care for you, parents that only want what's best for you. :)

*d-mn, i should think about what i just said when i get in my next agument w/ my parents. boy do i feel dumb now :o *

Goose Master
28th Sep 2002, 22:14
I agree with what Jewell just said parents may be over protective but the really are helping you. My Dad was like that about alot of things like when i come home late from school and stuff he would always complain about the dangers and things. I would jast take no notice or argue back with him thinking that nothing could happen to me and what he did was just to anoy me. But like 6 months ago now my dad died of a heart attack and that same day i came in and had an argument with him about what im aloud to do and not alowed to do. I just acted like what he thought didnt matter but after he died i started thinking more of what he said to me and what he was doing was for the good of me. You really shouldnt end a conversation on a bad note because you never know what could happen.

Les Effant Terrible
28th Sep 2002, 23:17
Okay, Sunrise, that's great. Personally, I don't really care.

Please read your emails - Data

Prelude
29th Sep 2002, 00:36
Originally posted by Les Effant Terrible
Okay, Sunrise, that's great. Personally, I don't really care.

Well, personally I wish you’d take a long walk off a short pier, now that would be great.

Please ignore reacting to such posts Prelude, it can only esculate Thank you - Data

Lil Lara
29th Sep 2002, 06:14
Prelude-i love you! :D


what's with Les Effant Terrible being such a d*** lately??:rolleyes:

Try not to lower yourself to this level Lil Lara - Data

Island Girl
29th Sep 2002, 07:55
I know what Kat is saying. I myself only had one parent my mom. And she had 6 of us me being the oldest. I look back on it and wish she was more of a mom than a friend. I got involved with alot of stuff that I shouldn't have. I also had my first child before I graduated. Although i did learn alot of values from my grandmother (bless her heart, wise beyond her years) and her teaching has made me the woman I am today. But I learned the hard way.

And like what everyones been saying we all went through it. Though my oldet is 13 she like me when I was young think parents don't know anything. I often tell her "I've been your age you ain't never been mine". Like CS&P said parents know alot. Elders can offer you alot of wisdom glean as much as you can it saves you the heartache and pain of going through mistakes that can be avoided.

Also, maybe you parents have a close friend that has something happened to their child resently that you don't know about and that being the reason why they are reacting that way. Cause in just recent months my daughter had something happen to her that most parents would never think would happen to their own child and I wouldn't wish that on anyone and lets just say one of her peers was involved and though she wasn't really good friends with this kid, this terrible thing has changed her life forever. So you never can tell. That talk with your parents is a very good thing. :)

Love & Aloha

LARAMANIAC
29th Sep 2002, 10:31
Originally posted by Goose Master
I agree with what Jewell just said parents may be over protective but the really are helping you. My Dad was like that about alot of things like when i come home late from school and stuff he would always complain about the dangers and things. I would jast take no notice or argue back with him thinking that nothing could happen to me and what he did was just to anoy me. But like 6 months ago now my dad died of a heart attack and that same day i came in and had an argument with him about what im aloud to do and not alowed to do. I just acted like what he thought didnt matter but after he died i started thinking more of what he said to me and what he was doing was for the good of me. You really shouldnt end a conversation on a bad note because you never know what could happen.

Goose Master, that is very sad I am so very sorry for the loss of your father!! You brought the biggest lump to my throat, and you are very correct that you should avoid leaving conversations on a bad note. But these things do happen, try not to dwell on the your arguements with him think of the lovely times you had with him, and how much you loved and respected him. He obviously loved you very much!!!!

I am currently going through the most horrendous time with my father. He is dying of cancer and there is nothing more can be done for him!! Yes I feel crap every minute of every day, wishing I could do something more to help him, and watching him fade away is the most heart-breaking experience. BUT I am using the time I have left with him to say the things I need to say, which will hopefully grant me peace when the end comes!!!
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/angel09.gif

Goose Master
5th Oct 2002, 19:18
Thanks for the thought LM and i say im sorry to hear about your father but i cant truely mean it unless it happened to me which thankfully it cant. You are right to tell me to think of the good times but now i try not to think about it at all as all my thoughts lead to one conclusion that is his death. I cant even begin to imagine what it must be like for you and i hope that when the time comes you will have the strength to cope. Im sorry to say that i can offer no advice but to just take it as it comes as im sure you are my thoughts are with you and your father.

THE True Lara
5th Oct 2002, 20:55
Originally posted by Raider Sunrise
Just wanted to share something that happened to me today with you... I'm so angry and embarrassed about that. Today, I went to the house of a friend of mine, a guy, who is one year younger than me (I'm fourteen) and a computer game freak. We often play computer games together and our families know each other, we were neighbors for like, six years.

OK, so I'm with him playing computer games like, three-four hours, then I come home in the afternoon. And I tell my family what we've done. And my grandma and my dad start making a huge fuss about me and him being alone at his house all day. (Mind you, I've asked my mom and she said OK, and his mom was at home for about half the time.) Then my mom calls me and says 'I'll ask you something and I want an honest answer. Did you do something with this guy that we wouldn't approve of?' And I say 'no', and it's the truth. And mom says, 'OK I believe you, but I will not let you go to his house again without having your sister with you.'

I felt so angry and embarrassed about that, although I didn't do anything. The guy's like, one of my best friends, and we're just that: Friends. And such a thing has never happened before with my parents. It's like they don't trust me and I've never done anything wrong before. I feel so bad about that, I just wanted to tell you. :(

Hi Raider Sunrise,
I've only just seen this thread, and I just wanted to let you know I totally sympathise with you.
Many years back, I went to my best friend Justin's 18th birthday party, (I was 16 at them time BTW). It was a stop-over thing at his house, and totally 'clean' as it were. Now I've known Justin since I was 11 years old, we've always had a totally platonic relationship, and always will. Course there were lots of people I'd never met before at this party, and some I did know, and by the end of the evening all but about 5 other people had gone home and I was the only girl in the house with Justin and these 4 other chaps, (2 of which I think I actually knew). Of course nothing at all happened and we just spent the whole night sat up talking about all sorts of nonsense, and even if they had tried anything I would have totally kicked their collective arses', and my Grandad lived 5 meters across the road anyway.
But come the next morning when my Mother picked me up she went positively ballistic when she found out I'd been the only girl there the whole night with no 'parent' in the house. There was all sorts of things she suddenly thought must have happened, none of which did or would have, and I was infuriated she even thought they might as she knew what kind of a person I am, and what friends me and Justin were (are). She even started on about what the neighbours must think! And for year and years after she still wouldn't let me go stop over again like that!
So, the point of this little story is that I know exactly how you must feel because I've been there myself. It is horrible to think that a parent can have such an opinion of you, or that they don't trust you, it's angering, humiliating, frustrating :( and I really really do sympathise.
My best wishes for better luck in the future. :)

Godfather
6th Oct 2002, 08:33
So, ... are you ... you know: gay? Nothin' to be embarrased about! It happens all the time all around the world and it's also love (different yes, but still love!) and there's nothing more beautiful than real love! :)

DaveJ
6th Oct 2002, 08:35
OK....the point is over....here.....and Godfather is all the way over .....there.

Missed by miles.

THE True Lara
6th Oct 2002, 08:37
Originally posted by Godfather
So, ... are you ... you know: gay? Nothin' to be embarrased about! It happens all the time all around the world and it's also love (different yes, but still love!) and there's nothing more beautiful than real love! :)

Hold up, was that question directed at me??!!? :confused: :eek:

LARAMANIAC
6th Oct 2002, 13:25
Originally posted by Goose Master
Thanks for the thought LM and i say im sorry to hear about your father but i cant truely mean it unless it happened to me which thankfully it cant. You are right to tell me to think of the good times but now i try not to think about it at all as all my thoughts lead to one conclusion that is his death. I cant even begin to imagine what it must be like for you and i hope that when the time comes you will have the strength to cope. Im sorry to say that i can offer no advice but to just take it as it comes as im sure you are my thoughts are with you and your father.

Thank you!! ;)
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/angel09.gif

DaveJ
6th Oct 2002, 13:36
Sorry to hear about your father, LARAMANIAC.....I know exactly how you feel.
I went through the same thing with my Dad just over 5 years ago.

If you need an ear, you always got mine.

LARAMANIAC
6th Oct 2002, 13:48
Once again chuck, thank you!!! ;)
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/angel09.gif

Chronicles5
6th Oct 2002, 15:30
Originally posted by Aquarius
Parents are overprotective, and blow things way out of proportion.

Simple as that. :p

I'm with Aquarius, I would be just as mad if something like this happened to me...

I'm well-trusted by my parents, and my sister too, but no-one trusts my step-brother, but he deserves it.

You do not deserve this.

All you have to do is make sure you can prove to your parents that you deserve to be alone with your friend, but that might not be too easy...

Hmmm.....

I'll definetly think about this....:)