View Full Version : Modern Medicine

5th Aug 2002, 18:29
Stressed out today? Cheer up! Modern medicine has come up with
some great new stuff to make life easier.

St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that
eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful
they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they
moved out.

Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin ... Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better
person ... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with Buyagra, can
cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may
even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man who
can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers.

Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective
than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.

Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women to
identify who to cross off the dating pool.

5th Aug 2002, 18:52
I'll take two bottle of Jack aspirin and a bottle of Buyagra.

Oh and I'll buy up all your Menicillin and flush it down the toilet. ;)

5th Aug 2002, 20:34
They make more sense than some of the real stuff :D At least these won't give you diarrhea, headaches, and all those other side effects they always list with each new drug release :D Gads, with all the side effects they list...who do they want to use them...??? Healthly ppl that don't need them anyway? LOL

Modern Medicines are really a joke sometimes...just so they can get new funds for new experiments on us...they release them...then have them pulled later cause somebody didn't know it would be more harmful afterall... :( etc.

I'm just a little erked right now because of something slightly unrelated but having to do with health care in general. Was misinformed by SS that they were going to deduct a medicare premium out of my current benefit, rather than what appeared to be and was told that it would be an additional amount of money to be received by me with the premium taken from that amount for Medicare...in order words, no additional money taken from what I was already receiving. Then I found out differently when I was checking on my deposits and called. Nope, not the way it worked. Fortunately for me, since I have FEHB, I don't have to take both parts Medicare and will just stay with my Kaiser Plan as originally planned. This damn stuff is so confusing and even though I tried making an informed decision...I still got it wrong (with a little help from the SS person I spoke to first). :(

Now I have another decision to make...Long Term Health Care Ins. Just to briefly state...for the kind of coverage that would be the only two considerations...One type would be $100 a month with increases every two years depending on age, etc. The other is $200 a month with built-in inflation and no changes in cost. Since I have no other source of income...I have no other alternatives but to sign up...for the inevitable nursing home stay most likey at some point in time. No other way to pay for it...damn! Really cuts into my income but better than nothing I guess :( So there's my rant for the day... Sorry...
Ta and Good Hunting!

5th Aug 2002, 21:27
Originally posted by theBlackman

Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

LOL....Thats my favorite! :p

7th Aug 2002, 02:51
Very funny, theBlackman.:D Did you find those on the web, make them up yourself, or otherwise?

7th Aug 2002, 03:39
Originally posted by Peter Smith
Very funny, theBlackman.:D Did you find those on the web, make them up yourself, or otherwise?

Unblushingly stolen from a newsletter that I get. :D

Munin the Raven
12th Aug 2002, 01:05
Great stuff!

They forgot to mention <b>Kidstoned Chewable Vallium</b>. If you've seen the spoof add you'll know what I'm talking about.:D

Huntress, I agree that health-insurance is getting pretty ridiculous. The screwball insurance system is getting so bad that many fine doctors (including ones I had as a kid) are just calling it quits because they can't take the pressure and confusion. Some people argue that going to a socialist system is better, but that causes a lot of other problems, particularly long waits for non-emergency situations. However, if you know anyone who's slave to their company insurance or doesn't have any insurance at all, a social system would be a dream come true. It's awful that even in this country at a time of remarkable medicine, people can't get the care they need or wind up in an emergency situation and get debt-locked.

As for the high cost of drugs, ever talk to someone in the drug industry? The estimated cost and time of developing a single drug is roughly $500 million and 11 years. I've talked to the chemists and biologists at the bottom of the industry, and for ever 200 new compounds produced in the lab (each of which may take months to produce), only one makes it to the shelves as a drug. If you spend your whole life working in the industry, you're lucky to see one or two drugs you've worked on hit the shelves. The reason drugs are getting so expensive is that it's such a long term investment; a company patents each compound it makes immediately and by the time any of them hit the shelves they only have a few years to sell them and make their money before the patent runs out and the competition begins with companies manufacturing generics. I'm not implying that the drug industry is a victim of the modern business world, but there are some solid legitimate reasons behind the rising costs.

The problem is that the flaws in the system are catching up with themselves. The system has to change; drug research and the modern insurance system need an overall.

12th Aug 2002, 13:53
Another thing that adds to the price of drugs is TV ads, which are not cheap. The cost of the ad gets passed on to the drug. And it's completely unnecessary, IMO. I would rather let my dr. decide on my medicine, thankyouverymuch. And many of these ads are targeted to the elderly. The irony is that these advertisements are one reason that the elderly can't afford many of them.

12th Aug 2002, 23:04
two sided sword. Yes I too agree about my Dr. as the one to know about and prescribe my medications for me. But the problem is that even though some Dr.'s get samples to disbribute to their patients...not all are aware either of what is available for what. Yes they get the AMJ but how much gets read, etc. especially in todays medical world? Sorrowfully, of course the ads are aimed at the elderly as they are the largest audiance :( Just like all those damn ads for toys and cereals...hook the kids :(

So what's the answer? I know...make drugs under social medicine and leave the rest (medical/hospitalization under competative insurance rates but NOT privitized!). It must be kept under Congresses oversee to try to help keep it under control! You say well why not medical/hospital too...? Well in my view...the very poor do get free medical help...the inbetweeners...yes it needs to have a relative form of insurance affordable for them...a scaled cost perhaps? Changing amounts depending on their changes in income perhaps? Some sort of Group Insurance that could allow for this. Well that's kindof a suggestion that might be feasible or something similair...but yes I agree as we all do...the Healthcare provisions need changing and I hope they do something soon as it has been going on for years already. Ta and Good Hunting!

Munin the Raven
12th Aug 2002, 23:23
It is ironic in some in some ways. However, it can take years for a drug to gain a reputation, particularly as an over-the-counter medication. Often by the time it becomes popular by word of mouth the patent has expired (where did you first hear of Advil or Excedrin?). Drug companies try to maximize their profits by advertising as soon as a drug is FDA approved. It's a risk most companies are willing to take, but it does add to the cost like every other expense. On the other hand, the advertising of prescribed medications is unnecessary, as I think many people, if not the majority, would rather trust their doctor on such matters.

On the semi-bright side, every year drugs are produced for more ailments, and become available in larger varieties and greater strengths. People are stretching out not just the length of their lives, but the quality of their living. I guess there is too much of a good thing because as a result, the cost of living to a nice ripe old age is going through the roof. Know anyone who can't retire when they want to because of the cost medical problems or educating their kids? Even without those types of costs, expecting to get by with just a pension and social security is like trying to cross the Atlantic in an inner tube.

13th Aug 2002, 11:12
And then a few days ago I read in the newspaper that many of today's bacteria are immune to the current antibiotics. I'm sure that y'all have probably read or heard that too. When will the time come in the future that no antibiotic will ever work (since all chemicals have limits)?

Munin the Raven
13th Aug 2002, 23:51
Yes, many people have learned of super bugs in one form or another but do not realize the severity of the issue. They're becoming a serious problem in Russian prisons, where TB is rampant and access to the most powerful antibiotics is only intermitent, resulting in incomplete treatments. The TB comes back, resistant or even immune to the previous antibiotic(s) used against it, and this cycle continues over and over. There have been several cases of TB that have been immune to all of the most powerful antibiotics available (a couple of years ago they were five or six in number, but there may be a couple more available now) and could only be controlled with cocktails of two or three lower-level antibiotics.

To those who don't understand the concept of a superbug, it's the same as the pests that come back immume to pesticides after over-spraying, only on a microscopic level with out little friends the Monerans (bacteria), who breed and change themselves even more rapidly. This is why over-prescribing antibiotics is such an issue now.