View Full Version : Thief Limericks

2nd Aug 2002, 14:26
Hi All

Gummie's poetry thread was on the verge of breaking out in limericks, but I saved it. :p

Since we're having fun with all other forms of literary expression, we may as well aim for the pinnacle - no, not the sonnet or sestina, you pretentious git, the limerick!

Now I know limericks are traditionally of the bawdy variety, but do remember the Terms of Use and eschew the scatalogical and licentious (for RnM!) The 'There once was...' beginning is also traditional but by no means required.

I'll start us off:

There once was a girl called Victoria
Who though she might look a bit whorier
Would take out yer eye
And not kiss ya goodbye
So you're probably wiser ignoring 'er

A sneaky young thief named Garrett
Once stole a talking parrot
But it said 'put me back,
Or I'll give such a quack'
So he choked it to death with a carrot

Don't ever eat that crunchy cheese
You'll end up with a bad disease
Your ears will turn black
And never turn back
And your tush will be covered with fleas

OK, I think that's quite enough to be going on with... ;)


2nd Aug 2002, 14:56
In a town near Dayport called Pelly
A thief couple walk belly to belly
They had no clue
Used instant glue
Instead of petroleum jelly

2nd Aug 2002, 15:21
There once was a lad of Pearl Reef,
Who's boots never crunched on a leaf.
Until this small creeper
Was caught by a Keeper
Who taught him the ways of the Thief!


2nd Aug 2002, 15:41
Well done guys!

Yubetcha's is funny - though at first I thought he meant a couple of 'fellys' (i.e. fellers!) - but perhaps not too tightly Thief-related...

Nice one, Nazgaul! May I complement it with:

There once was a thief in Dayport
Who believed he'd never be caught
But the Hammers were grim
Took their hammers to him
Now he's short, caught, and caught short


2nd Aug 2002, 15:48
yeah, I goofed. Trying to think how to change it without losing its meaning. Or maybe just delete it. :)

2nd Aug 2002, 15:51
I also changed Felly because of what you thought. If you thought that, others could as well.

Thorin Oakenshield
2nd Aug 2002, 18:06
There was a young taffer full of greed,
who tried smoking some Dayport weed,
he found out it was just grass,
it gave him a rash on his ***,
and his willy hurt when he pee'd:eek:

2nd Aug 2002, 18:08
Karass's plan was a gas,
And something he wanted to pass.
So Garrett got mad,
And attacked the old cad,
And gave him a pain in the ***.
Basso was quite good with locks,
But not so at giving guards knocks.
Garrett was stealthy,
And made himself wealthy,
Clearing the path of roadblocks.

2nd Aug 2002, 18:17
Originally posted by yubetcha
I also changed Felly because of what you thought. If you thought that, others could as well.

And what's wrong with that, eh? ^_~

2nd Aug 2002, 18:22
There once was a very bad poet,
Although he did not even....realize
He tried to make it rhyme,
But it didn't at all
And it was probably the worst limerick ever,
And it had one line too many.


2nd Aug 2002, 18:24
Not a thing </Seinfeld> But if they were felly's, and made that particular mistake, would they get stuck 'belly-to-belly'? Possibly, I guess, but let's not get into that - and definitely no diagrams please!


2nd Aug 2002, 19:42
Haha...Good call Brav'. :)

There once lived a rat named Squeaky,
Who dwelled in the sewers underneath thee.
By day he would sleep,
But at night would go creep,
Into your house to do pee-pee. :p

A man by the name of Constantine,
Is fond of his strange elixir.
Don't drink it you fools,
Or your feet will grow hooves,
And you head will sprout horns like the Trickster.

What skill it takes to be a thief,
So silent, so quick and so deft.
But don't get too cocky,
Lest Hammer's come knockin',
And you get banged up in Cragscleft.

In RTC roams a lonesome Haunt,
His physique is pale and oh-so gaunt.
He failed in his quest,
Thus flames burned his flesh,
He longs to drink ale but he can't.

2nd Aug 2002, 20:29
Karras and his motely crew,
Skullduggery wanted to do.
Victoria heard
And gave Garrett the word.
And Karras was in deep doo doo.
Victoria stole Garrett's eye,
The Trickster, laughing, stood by.
Garrett was dissed,
And really got pissed,
Then grinned as the Trickster did die.
The ritual needed the EYE,
The Keepers this, wished to deny.
With Garretts old phoney,
To add some baloney
Constantine surely would fry.

2nd Aug 2002, 20:46
Never did this before so forgive this try...

He climbs ladders and trees,
Creeps on the ground shoots arrows with ease,
But careful he goes or he might stub his toes,
Then just for fun plays tag with undeads,
But gets whacked on the head for his misdeeds instead.

I dunno does this work? :rolleyes: :D

Ta and Good Hunting!

2nd Aug 2002, 21:41
When I put my guts back inside of me I'll try and come up with another. ROTFLMAO.:cool:

Thorin Oakenshield
2nd Aug 2002, 22:52
One dark night Garrett went out a creep'in,
through a hole in the wall he was peep'in,
A guard shoved a finger through into his eye,
and Garrett started to cry,
He ran off into the night whilst weep'in.

2nd Aug 2002, 23:54
Originally posted by Saturnine
There once was a very bad poet,
Although he did not even....realize
He tried to make it rhyme,
But it didn't at all
And it was probably the worst limerick ever,
And it had one line too many.


And in keeping with bad poetry.. oh wait isn't that what limericks are all about:D

There once was a community of Taffers
Who would do just about anything for laffers
Once just for fun
Bravus started a pun
And now we’re all just a buncha LOAOers


Shadow Creeper
3rd Aug 2002, 00:39
There's a game named Thief we all play
It makes the real world go away
We go back in time
and rob the rich blind
and keep the Burricks at bay....

3rd Aug 2002, 02:23
What's next, Thief haiku?

3rd Aug 2002, 03:31
Originally posted by ChowYunFat
What's next, Thief haiku?

Haiku. Do you? :D

3rd Aug 2002, 04:00
Originally posted by bravus
Not a thing </Seinfeld> But if they were felly's, and made that particular mistake, would they get stuck 'belly-to-belly'? Possibly, I guess, but let's not get into that - and definitely no diagrams please!


Damn! And I just got my Power Point presentation together, too! Oh well, guess I better get around to writing a lymerick so I can actually contribute to this thread ^_^ All the ones that've been posted are fuuuuuuuuunny; I've been laughing my *** off!

Thorin Oakenshield
3rd Aug 2002, 10:06
There was a rumour of a game called Thief 3,
One every taffer couldn't wait to see,
ION wanted to block it,
But a taffer shoved it in his pocket,
And now they're working on Deus Ex 2, Hehe:p :D

3rd Aug 2002, 10:53
Cutty made Garrett this deal,

EDITED Full text Moved to page two.

3rd Aug 2002, 12:37
The lady Von Vernen rides horses,
Her favorite mare is named Jed,
But her heart leapt for joy,
When she spied the stable boy,
And decided on another ride instead.

There once was a doll called Dewie,
Who's magicks remained hidden to me.
I could not believe
Dolls have tricks up their sleaves,
But along came Rick and convinced me. :D

There once was a hungry Burrick,
Scouting for 'shrooms to eat.
Upon hearing the Horn of Quinus though,
The dumb beast fell asleep.

3rd Aug 2002, 14:38
Nice ones, all: funny as!

And a big Bravo to the Blackman: limericks meet epic poem!


3rd Aug 2002, 15:02
In times of old when thieves loved gold,
And Hammerite goons did preach,
There lived a thief
Who had strange teeth,
And a face like a blackjacked peach.

They called him Taffer - and Grubber too,
He hardly had a penny.
Then Looking Glass
Signed his a$$
To star in Thief as Benny.

Sorry...Just lounging on a sunny afternoon. :D

3rd Aug 2002, 15:11
Originally posted by Gumdrop
There once was a doll called Dewie,
Who's magicks remained hidden to me.
I could not believe
Dolls have tricks up their sleaves,
But along came Rick and convinced me. :D


Benny was drinking one day
while feeding his Burrick some hay
It had been a long time
so he gave it a try
Karras was born nine months to the day

3rd Aug 2002, 15:18
Brings a tear to my old irish eyes.

3rd Aug 2002, 17:37
In days of old,
When Knights were bold,
And maidens lost thier heads.

An evil man,
Had a horrible plan,
To kill them all in thier beds.

A hero true,
Not unknown to you,
Feared nothing living or dead.

With a big grin,
He did the man in,
By passing Rust Gas instead.

Shadow Creeper
3rd Aug 2002, 18:26
Nice job theBlackman on "Cutty made......

3rd Aug 2002, 19:59
Not that it's a great big deal, but didja notice that some of these don't match the definition of a limerick? :). Oh well.

3rd Aug 2002, 20:09
Originally posted by yubetcha
Not that it's a great big deal, but didja notice that some of these don't match the definition of a limerick? :). Oh well.

Yubetcha a gamer of fame,
Was playing a riddlers game.
He asked us all why,
The rhyme went awry,
And set us all blushing with shame. :D :D :p

4th Aug 2002, 08:22

Cutty made Garrett this deal,
"To get rich this time you won't fail!"
But the plan it fell through,
There was nothing to do,
But help Cutty get out of jail.

So Garrett stole into Cragscleft,
Only to be quite bereft,
For old Cutty died,
While he was inside,
And Garrett had no options left.

So Garrett went down in Bonehoard,
Where Quintus' horn had been stored,
He found it up high,
And I'll not deny,
He found Burricks and Zombies galore.

Ramirez desired Garrett dead.
And offered a price for his head.
He sent killers two,
An assignment they blew,
And Ramirez paid Garrett instead.

Said Constantine, "Come work for me,
I'll pay you a fabulous fee."
So Garrett said swell,
And did the job well,
Not knowing what soon was to be.

"Now that you've passed the test,
I see that you're truly the best.
I would really adore,
You to do one thing more,
Just a small venturesome quest."

"Get me the EYE that was lost,
No matter what! I'll pay the cost.
And keep you the sword,
For you have my word,
It'll help you with ghosts you accost."

Garrett, he did that one too.
I won't tell you what hell he went through,
Suffice it to say
He had a bad day,
And, in the end, he got screwed.

The EYE whispered in Garretts ear,
“Fool! You cannot enter here,
You need talisman’s four,
To open the door,
That, ne’er you will have I do fear."

The Grotto was not hard to find,
The Keepers left plenty behind.
The gate and the door,
Were just a bit more
Work for a Keeper trained mind.

A talisman he found inside,
With directions where others reside,
It gave him a start,
At least he had part,
Of the answer that he was denied.

The city, once lost, Garrett found,
With feelings both deep and profound,
For Keepers had died,
Thier secrets to hide,
Buried quite deep in the ground.

Of keys that would open the door.
He needed to get just one more
The Hammers the last,
Had locked up quite fast.
Garrett had three of the four.

The Hammers did not miss a trick,
Security was tight and thick,
Garrett was smart,
And played a great part,
With an intro that worked really slick.

Wind and Earth, Water and Fire,
Opened to Garrett’s desire,
The EYE he would hold,
And Constantines gold,
Would let him relax and retire.

The EYE he brought back for his pay,
For Constantine brooked no delay.
Garrett gave into greed,
When he did the deed,
And ended up rueing the day,

An Eye for the EYE was the game,
Victoria borrowed the same.
When she left him one-eyed
He was truly surprised,
To find she was part of the frame.

He woke up in Constantine's lair,
And knew that he had to beware,
Of spiders and rats,
And foul things like that,
While escaping them all with great care.

So Garrett slithered and crawled,
And on occasion was mauled,
Weak and abused,
From the way he was used,
He felt like he’d been keel-hauled.

He finally won his way through,
Fruit that he found made him new.
He knew that the man,
Had a demonic plan,
And swore that he’d ruin that too.

So back to the Hammers he went
For help; and he said he’d repent,
But he got there too late,
Such was his fate,
The veil in the temple had been rent.

The Hammers were in disarray,
The High Priest was stolen away,
“Help us Garrett,” they said,
“And if he’s not dead.
“We’ll help in your battle someday.”

Garrett accomplished the quest,
By doing what Garrett does best.
He killed all the bugs,
And did in some mugs,
And brought back the Priest as his guest.

The Keepers said we have a plan,
To defeat this devious man,
You use a fake eye,
The Trickster will die,
At least that’s the thing that we plan.

Garrett went into the Maw,
Where Chaos was the only law,
With his Phoney jewel
The Trickster to fool,
By being the Keeper’s Catspaw.

Constantine’s black magic spell,
Was moving along very well,
But he didn’t spy,
Garrett remove the eye,
And ritualed himself into hell.
With apologies to Beowulf of Nordic fame. :D :D

4th Aug 2002, 08:52
Originally posted by theBlackman

Yubetcha a gamer of fame,
Was playing a riddlers game.
He asked us all why,
The rhyme went awry,
And set us all blushing with shame. :D :D :p

See tBm? I KNEW you could do it :D :D

Shadow Creeper
4th Aug 2002, 15:24
[QUOTE]Originally posted by theBlackman

Cutty made Garrett this deal,
"To get rich this time you won't fail!"

Great job the Blackman! You must have spent awhile on that one.

4th Aug 2002, 17:48
AHHH! Yubetcha, Didn't want to disappoint you. :p

Shadow Creeper Thanks. Actually kinda scratched out during TV commercials.

Revised edition is more Chronologically accurate. Thanks again. Fun to exercise the brain once in a while.

4th Aug 2002, 17:52
Originally posted by Saturnine
There once was a very bad poet,
Although he did not even....realize
He tried to make it rhyme,
But it didn't at all
And it was probably the worst limerick ever,
And it had one line too many.


lol Actually, I think this is the best of the lot.

5th Aug 2002, 10:57
Originally posted by theBlackman
AHHH! Yubetcha, Didn't want to disappoint you. :p

A little perseverence pays off, dontcha know. :D :p

5th Aug 2002, 12:12
Wow BM, that's a very nice Dark Project spiel. Way cool dude. :D

8th Aug 2002, 18:00

There once was a man who moved in
Had a cloak, was tall and not thin
To get through doorways
Had to turn sideways
While he always had to suck it in

He kept a stuffed rat on a shelf
It was once a pet for himself
He broke your favorite chair
while sitting in it bare
Yeah, he was the room mate from he11

On to Bafford's to find things to sell
He had to grease the sides of the well
He smelled like a sewer
for three months after
He was the chubby room mate from he11

Assassins almost got him but missed
Musta been blind, and now he was pissed
He gave chase and lost them
He ran out of breath then
He could only stop and shake his fist

His room smelled like month old food
It was all over the floor too
The roaches and rats
Held parties with ants
And slept in there with you-know-who

Kitchen smelled like a used garbage pail
And old food on the floor was quite stale
And moldy as well
The room mate from he11
Wouldn't leave when you asked him to bail

The old cathedral beckoned to him
He squeezed through the door and went in
Alas he got stuck
And he could not duck
A slow zombie brought death to him

10th Aug 2002, 20:38
SlyFoxx was a cunning thief
Who stole every day of the week
Because he was fearless
He found himself peerless
And so taffers him often speak.

22nd Aug 2002, 07:55
I was a little bit naughty and posted Saturnine's 'very bad limerick' (which is very good) (all credited to him of course) in a newsgroup I frequent that broke out in limericks, and got these in response. I thought they belonged here (and that this thread could do with a bump so we can gasp in awe at tBM's prowess yet again!)

There once was a man from Earl's Court
Whose limericks always fell short
He'd get to line four
But could think of no more

There was a young man from Tyree
Whose limericks stopped at line three
He never said why.

There was a young fellow from Crewe
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was a young fellow called Dunn


22nd Aug 2002, 08:29
Bravus, a scholar of note,
Posted a limerick he wrote.
Though he really can't spell,
It went very well,
But its meaning was much too remote.

Physics said he is my bag,
Even though this is a gag,
I teach it to youths,
Who learn all its truths,
And why friction is such a damn drag.

His classes are filled to the max,
The students his patience do tax.
Says he, "What the hell,
I know they'll do well,
I teach them to stick to the facts."

22nd Aug 2002, 16:15
LOL - very nice! And if I do enough on static electricity, maybe I can 'Teach them to stick to the fax' as well!


22nd Aug 2002, 17:49
Originally posted by bravus
LOL - very nice! And if I do enough on static electricity, maybe I can 'Teach them to stick to the fax' as well!


I thought of that line as well
Using it gave my mind hell,
So I went instead,
With the one that you read,
It fit better and made the rhyme gel. :D

4th Aug 2003, 00:16
Just can't let this ol' dawg roll over and die! :D

Many good folk it's been said,
Have been ruined by that which they dread,
Oh try how they might,
To put up a good fight,
They still end up slaves to DromEd. :(

A burrick's life is the life for me,
To belch and bellow my gas,
To search in the gloom,
For those delectable 'shrooms,
and blow more gas out my a$$.

In Harlots Lane there lives a lass,
Who's heart is anything but pure,
The guys all love her,
The gals all hate her,
Alas she is but a...

Trixies foolsies mansie things?
You apemen make me sick.
If you'd only learn,
The jive daddy-O,
We'd have apemen speaking beatnik!


4th Aug 2003, 00:48
But if the dog is already dead...I'm the man to flog it! :p

Garrett looked here and Garrett looked there,
But he couldn't find enough loot,
So he cursed and he spat,
And with a *thwack* of his blackjack,
Gave this fiendish FM the boot!

The Trixters ruse and Karras' plan,
You keeper's prophesied,
But what good is that,
When the simple fact,
Is you failed to inform me of my flies.

You see...my flies were...undone?

Sorry folks, just cleaning out the bottom of this here barrel! :rolleyes: :D

First there was Thief and then Thief 2,
Then nothing more for years,
so if number 3,
Has no Burricks for me,
I might be reduced to tears! :(

Ok, ok...I'll quit and hit the hay, that's enough for today, now don't you dismay, for I just may, carry on this way, some other day, dispite what you say, but for now I'll just say, I'll be on my merry way...adios and good day.

*walks away trying his best to look dignified under the onslaught of rotten vegetables*

4th Aug 2003, 01:29
Gummie is strange as we know,
Has trouble in letting things go.
The things in his head,
Keep him from bed,
And Dromed his visions do grow.

"I ne'er will Dromed again,"
But always, he once more begins.
Amidst his denials,
He opens his files,
And secretly all of us grin.

Dromed is the curse of his life,
Has run off his girl and his wife,
With a terrible scream,
His cat left the scene,
And his poor dog has fled for his life.

4th Aug 2003, 02:37
Dunno if this follows pure limerick layout or not...but why not ?

There once was a sot named Benny,
Who asked for a silver penny,
He said -It's for wine-
Which sounded just fine
Though he probably won't give us any !:D

Thorin Oakenshield
4th Aug 2003, 10:11
There once was a happy little boy called Gummie,
who always held the hand of his mummy,
one day she left,
he felt bereft
And now he just sucks a dummy.

She ran off to be with Benny,
All she left him with was a penny,
He bet it on a burrick race,
his steed gave good chase,
But now he doesn't have any.

Thorin decided to do the deed for Gummie,
To rid Benny from his mummy,
Benny's Dead,
He was shot in the head,
And now Gummie was again happy with his mummy.

8th Aug 2003, 18:59
Originally posted by Gumdrop
Trixies foolsies mansie things?
You apemen make me sick.
If you'd only learn,
The jive daddy-O,
We'd have apemen speaking beatnik!I'm sorry, but on returning to this thread in a more...*ahem*...sober frame of mind, I gotta say I am proud of that one! *click...click* :o :D

Nice of you to humour me folks,
But Blackie that offering cut a little to close,
You're sharp and that's all,
I'll be saying for sure,
Just be careful you don't slice your nose.


The forum peeps looked on in disgust,
They eyed poor Gum' with much distrust,
He dug up the ghosts,
Of previous posts,
And trampled them all to dust.


10th Aug 2003, 08:50
There once was a forum called Eidos
that offered a place for people like us
they said "Please, come in"
and we drank all their gin,
and by morning they were penniless.

13th Aug 2003, 14:59
Old Bafford had plenty of cash
Secreted away in his stash
It didn't last long
When I came along
I nicked it all quick as a flash

slips back into the shadows....

14th Aug 2003, 01:39
Limericks are great fun to do,
And many appear that are new,
But the forum we use,
Prohibits abuse,
Reducing the impact Itroo. Check your auld Englishe readers. (Pronounced E true)

Bravus did start the game,
And all were in awe of his fame.
His skill with a rhyme,
Will stand for all time,
But his subjects were just a bit tame.

:D :D

14th Aug 2003, 05:50
While he seldom is lost for a rhyme,
What young Bravus does lack is the time,
To tickle your fancy,
Every Tom, **** and Nancy,
And yet get to the scene of the crime!

So alas, he must bid you adieu,
And in good Aussie parlance 'shoot through',
For his life as a Thief,
Almost beggars belief,
With the backlog of work he must do.

There are OMs and FMs galore,
And in Thievery, hits by the score,
'til he's feeling quite lame,
and his fingers the same,
And his butt is exceedingly sore.

14th Aug 2003, 06:59
And, at 1:00 am because it popped into my head and wouldn't go away until I'd written it down:

BlackMan says Bravus' subjects are tame,
But perhaps he misplaces the blame,
For the fact of the thing is,
It's his role as the king is,
What should carry much more of the blame.

It's a problem with the mortal frame,
That is cramping this youthful bard's fame,
Why he can't make the scene is,
His spectacular *****,
Quite unable to fit through the frame.

Spoiler: <font color="#DFDFDF">Now why do you think the forum would censor 'queen is'? ;-)</font>


Thorin Oakenshield
14th Aug 2003, 14:41
Hey diddle diddle,
the cat did a piddle all over the bathroom mat,
the little dog laughed to see such fun,
and piddled all over the cat.:rolleyes: :D

14th Aug 2003, 16:48
In our youth, the hope of the future,
Bravus quite skillful does nurture.
To open their minds,
He warms their behinds,
And instills an ethic of virtue.

He teaches them gravities laws,
And the effort sometimes gives him pause.
With Physics he tries,
To make them all wise,
To effect and what is its cause.

A teacher with flair and elan,
Bravus is quite in demand,
His fame is wide spread,
(And so is his head)
But still he's a pretty good man.

:D :D

14th Aug 2003, 21:06
I once had two friends living in Pems
In the '70s, we smoked some real gems
It wasn't the dope in the hut
that made me go crazy but
The Black Sabbath record at 78 RPMs

18th Aug 2003, 17:25
Originally posted by howie IN ANOTHER THREAD

Kidding of course, I doubt most of us_older_taffers like being reminded that we are growing older.

I stopped counting ages so long ago
When people ask, I say I don't know
Alzheimer's is, they say,
My friend now today
And then I tell them where to go

For me, the hated birthday is a sign
They make me feel older than wine
So I ask, is it better
A different day altogether
Such as born on February twenty-nine?

To get the age, to them I implore
You have one for every four?
If years passed are three
How happy you could be
Now I feel old even more

18th Aug 2003, 18:08
We only have birthdays one!
That's when the travail is begun.
The annual fete,
Is sometimes complete,
With regrets of what we have not done.

The trick is to forget what is past,
And each day the dice roll to cast.
To make your best try
To drain each day dry,
And make every good action last.

So soon we get set in our way,
And forget that we will not stay.
Here with our friends,
We should make our ammends,
And all of our thanks to display.

The annual dates matter not,
Nor the possessions we got.
The pleasures we share,
With friends that do care,
Are that which we can't do without.

Ok. So I messed up the rhyme,
In life, we aren't right all the time,
But the message is clear,
Hold every day dear,
And take it one step at a time.

19th Aug 2003, 01:33
Surely the Devil is up to his tricks,
This thread is all but shredded to bits.
Us vultures dive,
And pluck at it's bones,
Will any of us strive to leave it alone?


19th Aug 2003, 12:51
Some are limericks, and some are not
I think this thread is goin' to pot
If I may
I'd like to say
Some will do it and some will not

Some will write and some go away
That's okay, they'll write another day
If this does die
It's okay, some cry
And then kick the chair and work that day

Some say it will go away with neglect
And some will miss it I suspect
If it comes to pass
kicked out on its ass
That's okay, we'll find other posts to collect

We are giving birth to words in reflection
And massaging posts to near perfection
If to thread heaven this goes
Like natural selection, it shows
That this thread is not our mental confection

I myself do not care which one
Gets my post under the sun
I'm not addicted
Or poem afflicted
Oops! To get my fix here's another one

3rd Mar 2004, 00:38
You thaught you'd seen the last of me,
But you are such a wonderful thread,
Oh you may weep,
But I won't let you sleep,
So arise like Lazarus from the dead. \o/

Gummie is at hand... buisness continues below. :)


Oh Constantine you are a cad,
With your foliaceus mead,
I drank but a drop,
And felt such a fop,
As my johnson turned into a seed. :eek:

The Keepers may be wise and all,
But their books are such a bore,
I'd much rather wade,
Through romance novels,
A dozen - twenty - or more.

Thieving's what I like to do,
It is the game I love,
But what's this I hear,
Of T3 to cause fear,
Replacing the rope with the glove?

3rd Mar 2004, 02:02
Whenever the pot needs a stir,
Gummie will give it a whir,
He smiles, oh so sly,
That sneak of a guy,
And gives us a dose of "what fer?"

His wit is sometimes a bit flat,
But he cares not a whit about that,
"I'll mix and I'll stir,
And say 'take that sir!'
And leave with a flip of my hat."

"Life should be like a game,
Routine is a little too tame.
Give me some strife,
To spice up my life,
And a rhyme that is not too lame." :D

3rd Mar 2004, 05:22
<i>Divers alarums</i> were heard in the forum
So loud we could barely ignore 'em
As we drank in the Burrick
With Gum, Mel 'n' her Rick
All were heard very loud to deplore 'em

For the limerick thread was revived
Though near death it had really survived
It may not be a good thing
Or a made-out-of-wood thing
We'll of dog'rel be no more deprived

Alas, this is really not cricket
Multi-limericks are verily wicked
And some of these rhymes
Unlike thieving, are crimes
Like something in Lemony Snicket

'Twould be both a sin and a shame
For this poesy to ignore Thief's fame
A bad Sheriff like Truart
And his ilk would do it
But they'll all be accepting the blame

And now, gentles all, to his bed
This Bravus must quickly be fled
For his Suzie is cute
And quite curvy to boot
And for comp'ny too often has pled

3rd Mar 2004, 07:55
Suzie and Bravus a pair we adore,
Of Suzie, of course, we would like to see more.
But Bravus, the brute,
Thinks he's quite cute,
When he pulls down the shades
And deadbolts the door. :D :p

3rd Mar 2004, 14:12
There was was a rodenty type,
Who played 'metal age' every night,
When on the forum posting
In a thread of thief poems
He decided we all need a life...

3rd Mar 2004, 14:15
Bravus retired for some nookie,
But Blackie did'st want a quick lookie,
And although he did try,
A brief little to spy,
Alas he was most unlucky.

3rd Mar 2004, 14:20
Guineapiggy dropped in for a spell,
For Thief 2 was giving him hell.
So he set aside time,
To submit a rhyme,
But the ending did not seem to gell.

3rd Mar 2004, 14:27
Heh, I guess you have to have a Yorkshire accent to rhyme 'nookie' with 'unlucky'! :p ;)

3rd Mar 2004, 14:34
I rarely play by the book,
Infact consider it bad luck,
So I'll just have a ball,
With my bad Engleesh scrawl,
If you don't like it then sling your hook. :D

3rd Mar 2004, 16:24
Hey, an old friend comes to pass
To you I must raise my glass
I thought that you died
But you did only hide
You, thread, are building some real mass

Like the snowball down the hill
The momentum is here with us still
You just won't go away
But I am sure it's okay
Gather 'round, and we'll drink to our fill

The visit may pass too quickly
Can you stay here longer with me?
You've come back for more
The party will roar
With the continuation of verbosity

A great marriage, language to poetry
And the honeymoon was long passed by me
The familiar settles in
I said with a grin
But our divorce must come eventually

Till then, I said, don't fret
We'll party these kegs dry, I bet
When it's time to go
You and I will know
And you will ride off into the sunset

Meanwhile, drink 'em dry, my dear
Now my vision is no longer clear
My grip is loose
I'm switching to juice
I fell from that swinging chandelier

Oh, my head, the pain, what a kick
The revolving room is making me sick
It's getting much worse
I think it's a curse
Leave me here on the floor till tomorrow (hic!)

3rd Mar 2004, 17:19
Sadly I say, we must you deny;
This request to just let your poor body lie.
Drunken or sober
Just take your hangover,
Off to the office, right now on the fly.

Your poor starving kiddies depend upon you,
Not to forget your eager wife too.
Both of us know,
You must get up and go,
And be on the job ere the rooster doth crow.

4th Mar 2004, 10:35
Originally posted by bravus
Heh, I guess you have to have a Yorkshire accent to rhyme 'nookie' with 'unlucky'! :p ;)

Try it as "ooonlouky", or "oon luke ie" :p

6th Mar 2004, 03:04
Nice going Yubetcha. :)

My Marnier bottle is all but dead,
And Friday night has long since fled.
The morning birds,
Tweet their words,
Alas it's time to crawl to bed.

But forums beckon and threads I scour,
What fun I have at such ungodly hour.
My resolution broken,
And oaths I have spoken,
The 2am bell I long to devour.

My girly friend is fast asleep,
From her I hear not one slight peep.
Old habits die hard,
So I disregard,
The urge to make for my bed to go sleep.

That Bravus dislikes any underhanded trick,
Like this here multi-lim-er-ick.
But what good is a thread,
That is raised from the dead,
Without no posts to sustain it.

So I'll sit here in the gloom and type,
And will cast aside all who gripe.
Satisfying my hunger,
This thread grows longer,
Why are you reading such tripe.

The 2 O'clock bell did just chime,
As I type this 'ere real-time rhyme.
You label me fop,
But none will dare stop,
This foolish prattle of mine.

Some may be quick to label me bore,
Deserving a taste of the dreaded iron claw.
My bell does toll,
But I am not a troll,
It's just my poor bed I ignore.

I'll keep this fine thread on it's toes,
And with time and care who knows.
These rhymes might flow free,
Until ol' Thief 3,
Is snatched off the shelves by the droves.

I long for a taste of deep slumber,
But my mind is all of a wonder.
How long will I stray,
Away from the hay,
A stay-awake spell I must conjure.

My magical skillz know no bounds,
I must keep from sleeping sound.
At 20 past 2,
My eyes look askew,
My body longs to hit the ground.

A slap in the face sets me right,
I will hold out with all of my might.
Defying a snooze,
I reach for the booze,
A dram see's me right through the night.

Transfixed by the luminous screen,
Which radiates a good 17'.
My pocket is empty,
My heart filled a-plenty,
I long for that sweet flat-screen.

My fingers a-twiddle on keys,
The morning frost hits my knees.
The heating kicks in,
With oh-so much din,
This house is as old as the trees.

I'm sure you think me a jerk,
But for this week I have finished my work.
So all night and day,
I intend to play,
And continue this farce with a smirk.

As twenty to three comes and goes,
My eyelids reach to my nose.
My head starts to falter,
But time I can't alter,
I feel myself start to doze.

The last fleeting moments of wake,
Collapse with a thunderous quake.
I clamor for more,
But can't take no more,
This consciousness I must forsake.

With tears in my bloodshot eyes,
Away from this computer I prize.
My zombie-like self,
For the good of my health,
My wakefulness slowly dies.

A thief works best in the night,
I tried but have lost this 'ere fight.
I sheath my blackjack,
And settle for a nap,
I bid you adieu and good night. :o

6th Mar 2004, 03:14
The Marnier has done its foul work,
And awakened the unconscious berserk. (all in fun Gummie) :p
So now we must share,
This unneeded fare,
And suffer, whilst Gumdrop doth lurk.

In shadows and unseen by all,
He watches to see who shall fall,
Under the spell
Of the poems he writes, well...?
And respond to the lure of the call. :D

6th Mar 2004, 03:15
My bad... radux!

Edit: I would'st surely like Mr Smith to eliminate these.

You can clean up your own mess. Top corner of EDIT page, DELETE then the right corner to verify.

Lazy, besotted, Limey. :D :p

6th Mar 2004, 03:20
Never knew that trick Blackie. thanks for the heads-up. :)

Oh... and I am young, so "limey" needs to be updated to something more cosmopolitan for it to have the right effect. :D

6th Mar 2004, 03:25
Originally posted by Gumdrop
Never knew that trick Blackie. thanks for the heads-up. :)

Oh... and I am young, so "limey" needs to be updated to something more cosmopolitan for it to have the right effect. :D

I see you don't argue about "lazy, besotted" :p

6th Mar 2004, 03:42
Originally posted by theBlackman
I see you don't argue about "lazy, besotted" :p

Not at all, but the word "foul" in "The Marnier has done it's foul work" seems to imply wickedness on behalf of my trusty fien... err... friend. I could protest further, but I am not on the receiving end of such dizzy banter so I will hold my tongue and go sleep some. :)

25th Apr 2004, 00:10
The urge to leave sleeping dogs be,
Has decided to up and flee,
A name that film thread,
Is not enough for this head,
I need more nourishment - you see?!

I'll bring this 'ere thread around to Thief,
If it costs me my 2 front teeth,
And back on these tracks,
With my grinding axe,
My balckjack I shall unsheath.


Those ancient ruins beneath our feet,
Where fireballs jump and skip and fleet,
The Lost City is cool,
For any brave fool,
To end up as over cooked meat.


Ramirez loves a burrick for a pet,
He'll race the lizard and make a bet,
But failing to win,
He'll make such a din,
His losses he'll surely regret.


A project as dark as this Thief,
Must surely rank as the chief,
When it comes to stealth games,
No other can lay claim,
To being the top of this heap.


Deadly shadows may sound a bit trite,
But surely the legacy will keep up the fight,
So I'll follow with glee,
This game called Thief 3,
And keep up this thieving alright!

Hidden Thief
26th Apr 2004, 13:50
Hehe, just as well you used 'trite' there, Gumdrop.

Well, I'll post my first Limerick, though it's totally outdone by all of these here. Yubetcha, theBlackman and Gumdrop are very good at this.

There once was a plan unflawed,
To seize a nobleman's sword,
On obtaining the prize,
There was a surprise,
When the thief was approached by the lord.

Viktoria looked ever so sly,
And was pleased that the thief didn't die,
It turns out that this man,
All the time had this plan,
To steal the precious stone called the Eye.

26th Apr 2004, 19:14
A thread about limericks appeared,
Some entries that showed up were weird.
It comes and it goes,
Like winter's cold snows.
Returning like mondays fresh beard.

GumDrop just won't let it die,
He knows not of "sleeping dogs lie".
In spite of it fleeing,
He always keeps seeing,
A new way to bring it to eye.

New posters pop in now and then,
To add their comments to the end,
And help it survive,
Sometimes to thrive,
At others to to wander and wend.

Into areas strange and bizzare,
With thoughts that will take you afar.
Away from the theme,
And into the stream,
Of the babble you hear in a bar.


27th Apr 2004, 11:33
Hidden Thief steps into the light,
To aid in keeping this thread alight,
His (?) rhymes sound sweet,
As he thinks on his feet,
He's good at these limericks alright.

theBlackman will always stop by,
With the twinkle of mischief in his eye,
We all love a dose,
Of his Mr.Feiht prose,
He multi-tasks on the fly.

Hidden Thief
29th Apr 2004, 11:12
As I watch these poems amass,
I feel that I can't let it pass,
To spot the mistake;
It's true - I'm no fake,
That I am in fact a lass!


29th Apr 2004, 12:32
Benny, fired from the City Watch
like to pass the long hours with scotch
he'd get very drunk
as his wallet was shrunk
and his pride was sent down a notch.


Many from the Order of the Hammer
were not so fond of the spanner
but Karras spoke out
at promised real clout
and formed the Mechanists for glamour.

29th Apr 2004, 16:59
Like Benny essaying a bender
Gumdrop took a wild guess at gender
But the Thief who was Hidden
To be female was bidden
Not a bloke or a lad or transgender

Skanky Burns
6th May 2004, 16:44
Poor Basso was in quite the twister
A prison cell was his only vista
So to defy the devout
We busted him out
And ended up visiting his sister!

7th May 2004, 20:41
These are great, guys. Keep the preasure on this donkey! :D

Gumsie has trouble with peoples gender,
Those biology classes he cannot remember,
But all thieves look alike,
In the dead of the night,
So sometimes a "he" is a "her".

7th May 2004, 21:05
A sneaky young thief named Van Hellsing
Really could not very well sing
Couldn't carry a tune
With a bucket and spoon
But his dance had the ladies all melting

(OK, it's broken, but *you* try to rhyme it more than once!)

7th May 2004, 21:26
It works fine Bravus.

To ryhme in limerick form,
Is hardly a thing of the norm.
Bravus did well,
With the poster from hell,
And with skill bravus made it conform.

A classical style it is called.
Innuendo is always allowed,
To spice up a phrase
That's remembered for days,
And amuses the onlooking crowd.

However, one must not be crude.
The mods here think that is rude.
They ban with a click,
Anyone who says D--k,
To maintain a civilized mood.


14th May 2004, 13:58
My last one sucked, it's deleted
My brain cells that day were depleted
Just between you and me
And the lamp post, you see
To stay at home was sorely needed

If I had known better I woulda
As a millionaire I coulda
I would rather play
With Thief all day
And in hindsight I think that I shoulda

14th May 2004, 15:41
Very nice indeed, Yubetcha - and thanks for the absolution for rhyme crime, tBM. ;)

Skanky Burns
17th May 2004, 11:52
Of all limericks this the worst,
Second line no better that the first,
The syntax it wrong,
The fourth line is just a little bit too long,
And the last line don't even rhyme.
- Jamski

17th May 2004, 15:30
Alas the Thief Limerick Thread
Appears to be nigh upon dead
If no one deigns to post
Not even a ghost
Time has come to put it to bed

But before we bid it adieu
Recall Thief Part One and Part Two
Though they rarely are sold
In our hearts they are gold
With playing them we're never through

So perhaps this old thread will arise
When Thief 3 our gameshop supplies
In Dark Shadows we'll find
Subjects more refined
Than the shape of Viktoria's thighs

17th May 2004, 19:00
Methinks this thread will never die,
New posters come in by and by.
Like the ghost of Christmas Past,
Things like this will last and last.

A post a day will make it thrive,
And keep this ancient thread alive.
I know this is not in limerick form,
But then again, who cares. :D :D

Skanky Burns
18th May 2004, 11:35
The thread will not die
Through many passing seasons
Our muse, immortal.

Garrett in shadows
A guard passing unaware
"Its time to begin."

18th May 2004, 16:32
Thanks, y'all, I appreciate the kind words
Your writings are also not for the birds
Don't let it go to your head
But all through this thread
Some very nice stuff, my eyes have "heard" ( :rolleyes: )

This thread has threatened to die before
But we seem to find room for just one more
I won't bet the odds
Or pray to the gods
To know when it leaves and closes the door

Daedelus and Icarus wanted to fly
One did try, and did fall and die
This thread still lives
And gives and gives
Aren't you glad it still flies high?

Like the Phoenix Thief will again soon be
We'll have less time for this thread I see
It's getting harder to find
Things to occupy the mind
Could that be why this thread does not flee?

I am having trouble with this, I see
The words flow like molasses in January
Like a heart all aflutter
The words in my mind stutter
I guess I will end this post to your glee

On speed bumps in a cobwebbed mind
I slow down and can't think of the kind
of words that I want
I hunt and I hunt
So I'll close this now and leave it behind

18th May 2004, 19:18
Yubetcha - can count upon him
For lim'ricks not any bit dim
With a rhyme and a joke
He's an excellent bloke
And his talent has never been slim

One more way, perhaps
This thread will be long sustained
Morphing to haiku

Or perhaps, in hose and doublet
We can sling a rhyming couplet
In Shakespere's signature style
Perhaps that will raise a smile

18th May 2004, 19:20
I have not the skill to write a sonnet
Beyond me such exquisite poesy
Nonetheless, I will make a start onnet
At least it will keep me on my toesy

A thief must of necessity be nosy
And look into every secret thing
And though his future's seldom rosy
Of thieves our Garrett is the king

Whether the booty's a crown or ring
A sceptre or a mighty sword
Garrett's addicted to the 'bling'
By him nothing precious is ignored

With bated breath we all await
The return of this king, it's not too late

(This is a Spenserian style sonnet, not a Shakesperian or Petrarchan (Italian) style. (Can you tell I had to look up the definition?)) ;)

And I just noticed that this is the 100th post in the limerick thread...

18th May 2004, 19:47
LOL! 'onnet'...I like it. :D
And no, I couldn't tell.

18th May 2004, 21:39
To verse like The Bard,
Is exceedingly hard,
But bravus arose to the task.

His rapierlike wit,
Did not fail a bit,
His parsing full proof of it.

He strove with full will
His rhyme to fulfill,
With daring, and patience, and skill.

And gave us a show,
Of what he did know,
With many a string to his bow.

PS. "onnet" was pretty good. :D

Hidden Thief
21st May 2004, 10:08
If I could spare a little time
Then I would write a monorhyme.
I'd write it for a modest dime
And hope I'd not commit a crime.
But all you bards, please do not whine,
I know this verse is far from prime,
But give me chance to make it shine,
Because, you see, it's hard to rhyme. ;)

21st May 2004, 16:33
Lol :D You guys ROCK!


Basso wanted to get hitched
He knew which end of a lock was which.
But he wasn't much of a sneak
He couldn't walk silently on his feet.
Luckily he remembered that Garret was slick.

Garret busted Basso's sis out before.
And for that, he had a free whore.
He swore not be to involved in missions of sentiments.
But Lady Rumford's mansion was full of ornaments.
When it comes to wealth, any thief could always use more.

Basso sprung a lock on the backdoor, reducing hassel
And bade Garret to clear a way to his damsel.
Garett's blackjack hand had been slacking
So he decided to do some blunt whacking
Keeping in mind that Jenny would be aghast at any bloody tussel.

Garett found the maiden's room.
And made his way back out into the courtyard gloom.
He signaled Basso with a the bird sound
Waited for the archer to make his round
Before slipping outside to await Basso's return or doom.

Basso married Jennivere
And from the look of things lived happily ever after.
Garret took his loot
got his fence to pawn the goods
And marked Basso as a man who owes him a favour.


22nd May 2004, 02:20
Benny came to visit,
And add some verse to view,
But, it seems that ere he came,
He had a brew or two.
The meter seems to wander,
A little off the beat.
Somewhat like a "totter"
As he ambles down the street.

But that's ok, we welcome all,
To stop into this place,
And offer up some posey,
To entertain apace.
A well turned rhyme,
Is not required,
From all who enter here,
Just a mind that's fertile,
And a total lack of fear.

:D :p

11th Jun 2004, 19:44
Inspired by listening to various guards:

There once was a guard who died from barley (:eek: what a thing to die from)
He was found dead on the floor by Barney
He was asked if he was alright
Even though his eyes were closed tight
And nothing else could be said but, "sorry!"

Used to be birds in the city
Singin in the mornin and making the guards giddy
Can't hear them anymore
They're mating no more
Damn, those mechanists are *****ty!

11th Jun 2004, 20:32
In the ghostlair that once was the Cradle
No real toys left, not even a dreidel
But some spooky old toys
Left by mad girls and boys
Let a thief scoop up time in his ladle

13th Jun 2004, 04:31
In limericks we now spoilers have,
A trend that I hope's not a wave,
Bravus, inventive,
Is always attentive,
For new ways this doggerel to save.

21st Jun 2004, 01:44
saw garrett one day with a grin:
a corpse who was fallen and thin.
said garrett 'oh drat!
'i'm a blind idiat!'
as the corpse rose
and gave chase unto him.