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Umah Bloodomen
2nd Aug 2002, 11:00
Okay, so I took a little shot-in-the-dark and decided to write an LoK-related fanfic, that I figured I'd share with my friends here. ;)

Now bear in mind, this is the first short story I have written in six years. (LoL). I used to write a lot but have devoted my time to web/graphic design and other computer-related interests. There has been a lot if interest in writing lately, so I figured I'd try my luck with something as well.

I don't claim that this fiction is any good, nor do I demand that it be read. Just thought it may interest some of you and lighten the forum up a bit.

Positive reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome and encouraged. (Meaning any signs of immaturity should be avoided).

Here is a brief summary of my fic:

Nosgoth - Post Blood Omen 2, pre Soul Reaver 1. Journey into the depths of Kain's empire during it's early history. This tale follows the path of one familiar face as they travel throughout their new surroundings in search of their one true obsession...

And without further adieu:

Legacy of Kain: New Nosgoth (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=887825)

Enjoy!

Azuriel
2nd Aug 2002, 11:46
Very good!


*clicks the "print" button*


will you write another one? maybe one featuring Vorador himself?

Serul
2nd Aug 2002, 14:20
A bit "weird" in some places :p, but otherwise very well written.


SPOILERS: ;)

The presence of Elzevir was (as I stated above), weird... He was supposed to be dead, or not? And a nice touch of giving the Priestess dialogue to Umah.

Apocrypha Roxy
2nd Aug 2002, 19:47
Dude...

Awesome! That is possibly one of the best fanfic's I've read! I really liked the appearance of Kain's 'tender' side! Great stuff!

Write more!

willow
2nd Aug 2002, 20:36
I said it before and I'll say it again. I loved your story. Especially the ending.

dago
2nd Aug 2002, 21:40
im gona read it now...

Azrael
2nd Aug 2002, 23:28
Damn , you write fast Umah...
Well I enjoyed the first two chaps that you've send me... now im going to read the rest.. :)

You're aproved as a fan-ficter http://forums.eidosgames.com/images/icons/icon14.gif

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 01:40
Originally posted by Azuriel
Very good!


*clicks the "print" button*


will you write another one? maybe one featuring Vorador himself?

Thank you Azuriel. :) I have been dabbling with a few ideas as to what my next fanfic (should I decide to do one) will be about. I don't want to reveal anything this early in the game.


Originally posted by Serul
A bit "weird" in some places , but otherwise very well written.


SPOILERS:

The presence of Elzevir was (as I stated above), weird... He was supposed to be dead, or not? And a nice touch of giving the Priestess dialogue to Umah.

Thank you, Serul. Yes, it had a few "weird" touches that I had planned on entering early on. I think the method in which they occurred wasn't too cheesy and kind of makes the reader wonder how this happened or why it happened etc. I believe (and correct me if I am wrong) that the little surprises I threw into the mix were pleasant for my audiance. I really enjoyed throwing them in. :) As for my ending, I simply couldn't resist the turn of irony there. (And btw...I am a bit weird and it tends to show in my writing...LOL)


Originally posted by Roxy
Dude...

Awesome! That is possibly one of the best fanfic's I've read! I really liked the appearance of Kain's 'tender' side! Great stuff!

Write more!

Thanks a lot for the praise, Roxy. :) Kain's "tender" side was designed to appear tortured after all of these centuries/milleniums since BO2. At the end of the game, you could tell that he somewhat regretted his course of actions with Umah. In the SR series, you can tell Kain is more bored with his existence and in a deep reflective period. (Very melancholy lately if you catch my drift). I wanted to build on that and show Kain as a more tortured soul if anything. He still sticks to his guns though, choosing the road to the end alone. The ending chapters are really captivating IMO. There's sensitivity and willpower..and the "tattoo part" was very gripping.


Originally posted by da willow
I said it before and I'll say it again. I loved your story. Especially the ending.

Yay! ;) And I thank you for helping me critique it and go over it before finally publishing the stupid thing. If I didn't have your support from phase one until the end, I most likely would've abandoned the idea for good.


Originally posted by dago
im gona read it now...

Enjoy dago!


Originally posted by Azrael
Damn , you write fast Umah...
Well I enjoyed the first two chaps that you've send me... now im going to read the rest..

You're aproved as a fan-ficter


Thanks, Azrael. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) ;) It actually has taken me about a month to complete this. I've tried to write on it everyday and at great length. (I can only do what I can though.) The last 2 chapters and the Epilogue I was able to polish off last night though, so I was pretty psyched.

Again, thanks for all the positive feedback and constructive criticism. I'm very glad I've gotten to share this with you and look forward to sharing more with you in the future. I was thinking of also posting this on my LoK-fan site when it is ready. (Fanfiction.net is a pain in my butt...LOL). :p ;)

Apocrypha Roxy
3rd Aug 2002, 03:14
I feel so inspired right now to write a fanfic of my own! I loove to write - it's very theraputic and a 'sane' way to express emotion.

Unfortunately, I've tried writing a Thief fanfic - and while it is 20 pages long, I haven't finished it. I have a habit of elaborating on details and such. Only 12 chapters have been compleated & saved, but I have a general idea on how the story goes, what points of drama and angst are revealed in which parts of the story as it progresses, etc. It just seems I can't find the time or energy to write. I haven't touched it for a few months now. I wonder if I'll cringe in embarrassment if I read the accursed thing now. I guess I'll dig it up and take a shot at it soon. Summer school is over in 7 days, and I will have all the time in the world to explore my literary talent.

For the mean time, anyway, I'll write little storylines with fellow forum members in threads - I stick to dark comedy and silliness.

Anyone else willing to take a shot at domination of Nosgoth?

There's a Melchiahim balloon and candy waiting for ya! ;)
(note, this is only really funny if you've been following the script!)

willow
3rd Aug 2002, 03:24
Originally posted da Ambah Bloodomen
Yay! ;) And I thank you for helping me critique it and go over it before finally publishing the stupid thing. If I didn't have your support from phase one until the end, I most likely would've abandoned the idea for good.

anytime luv. ;)

NoobSaibot
3rd Aug 2002, 04:01
I enjoyed it, but I have one request. MAKE UP HOW SHE WAS BROUGHT BACK in a later addition. With any luck,the game developers will imcorporate your idea for BO3.

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 05:12
Originally posted by NoobSaibot
I enjoyed it, but I have one request. MAKE UP HOW SHE WAS BROUGHT BACK in a later addition. With any luck,the game developers will imcorporate your idea for BO3.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. You know as cool as this "incorporation of my idea into BO3" would be, Noob, I am not going to hold my breath.

You know that you are a powerful writer when you can captivate your audiance and keep them guessing. Personally, I don't think the reason of how she returned in my fic actually needs to be disclosed. The general consensus would assume that Vorador was the one to bring Umah back. However that just isn't clear at this point. (I am not disputing it, but I did leave it and will continue to leave it up for speculation).

I tried to stay as true-to-form to the series as I could. With the events, the irony etc. Vorador has managed to make it this far in the series and his resurrection hasn't even been touched on. It worked there, it works here.

Objectively speaking, I would be rather disappointed in the piece if her return was fully disclosed. There were too many other intruiging things described here and focusing on that one trivial instance would definately ruin the read in my mind. Umah returned, I didn't think it happened in a cheesy manner, nor did it seem too cliche (especially with the return of everyone and their brother within the LoK series).

Some things are just better left untouched/undisclosed. ;)

EDIT Grammar correction from 'was' to 'were'

Ranmyaku
3rd Aug 2002, 05:46
That's a really good fic you have going there. (says the girl that barely reviews anything, but reads too much for her own good, and goes at least a month between updating her own fanfics)

It's amazing how well you..... dammit. Being sugar basically makes all my good discription abilities go bye bye. So here is this instead: Your story rocks!

How's that? :D

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 08:16
Originally posted by Ranmyaku
That's a really good fic you have going there. (says the girl that barely reviews anything, but reads too much for her own good, and goes at least a month between updating her own fanfics)

It's amazing how well you..... dammit. Being sugar basically makes all my good discription abilities go bye bye. So here is this instead: Your story rocks!

How's that? :D

Works for me! :) Thanks a lot for taking the time out to give it a read. I am glad you enjoyed it Ranmyaku. :)

I'm really glad I posted this. It's turned out very well.

Azazel005
3rd Aug 2002, 15:12
Ahh I sense a small bit of vicarious expierence there Umah.

It was all in good fun, and I think it definitely served that purpose. You have a very zealous and sometimes confounding vocab.

Short and Sweet.

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 19:05
Originally posted by Azazel005
Ahh I sense a small bit of vicarious expierence there Umah.

It was all in good fun, and I think it definitely served that purpose. You have a very zealous and sometimes confounding vocab.

Short and Sweet.

Thanks Azazel :)...tell me, what was confusing about my vocabulary and grammatical structure? (Or the story in general?)

Please elaborate a bit for me. The constructive criticism is good and as I said before...very welcome.

:)

Uggabugg
3rd Aug 2002, 20:23
man that was on good fan fic. i just read the hole thing, just couldnt put it away.
nearly deam cryed at the end sniff.
you just have to write moore. ;)

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 20:33
Originally posted by Gorechild
man that was on good fan fic. i just read the hole thing, just couldnt put it away.
nearly deam cryed at the end sniff.
you just have to write moore. ;)

In the words of "Snowball" from the movie Clerks:

"That's beautiful man." :p ;)

Thanks a lot for giving it a read Gorechild. :)

It was really a lot of fun to write. I enjoyed the cameo's, the "tattoo part", the ending and the basic interaction of Umah with the rest of the characters/environments (Kain especially).
I really sympathised with Kain...he's had it rough and he still maintains a "hidden" sensative/tortured side.

I think as far as that particular fic is concerend, it will remain at that length. I am debating whether another LoK fanfic is in order. (I am leaning towards another one, just because this one went over so well.) ;)

Uggabugg
3rd Aug 2002, 20:45
hwy not make a story about Raziel or err somone else?
man i feel inspierd to make some artwork based on this story. to bad i cant post it here :(

Umah Bloodomen
3rd Aug 2002, 20:55
Originally posted by Gorechild
hwy not make a story about Raziel or err somone else?
man i feel inspierd to make some artwork based on this story. to bad i cant post it here :(

I'd still love to see it nonetheless.You do great work. :)

It may look good alongside the fic when I post it on my Lok fan site...(proper credit issued of course) ;)

EDIT The Raziel fic would be interesting. I will definately take it under consideration. :)

Apocrypha Roxy
4th Aug 2002, 17:20
Yeah, do Razzy!

BTW- what's confused me about the Blood Omen series is how Kain went back in history to slay William, then returns to the present to see Vorador guillotined by Moebius (at least, I think that's what happens). So... how does Vorador show up in Blood Omen 2?

Will they be making a Blood Omen 3?

Umah Bloodomen
4th Aug 2002, 19:48
Magic...LOL. Actually Vorador's return hasn't been gone into yet. I would guess it has something to do with his ring. (Kain does wear it and it does summon Vorador...there could be a link but who knows).

I am also inclined to believe that there will be a BO3. There was rumors on the old forum about it and I think it would be a great way to finish off the series.

Azazel005
5th Aug 2002, 13:02
The lines are very adjective heavy, while thats not necessarily a bad thing, I just felt that some adjectives felt forced a descriptive word just for the sake of one whether it was really very necessary.

On the positive I thought your control of events was very good. Sometimes (especially when one is trying to be descriptive) its easy to lose your connection to the events, but you didn't do that I always knew what was going on and what direction you were heading.

I think the fact the story was very short and covered quite a few events complicated matters for you the author.

I still think its good, not a masterpiece but enjoyable.

Opinions do divide though Mon Cher an this is just mine. E-mail me if you want me to elaborate further kay.

Ardeth Silvereni
5th Aug 2002, 13:40
That was an interesting fiction. :)

The characterization was sound. In particular Vorador and Kain were believeable and acted 'realistically'. I agree with Serul, some occurances were a bit weird, but I thought they contributed to Umah's sense of disorientation in the story. Overall they worked well.

The ending was satisfying and unexpected (to me at least ;)). It was plausable, yet also inventive. That's a hard thing to achieve in fanfiction. Well done! :D

If you do write another fanfic, I'd love to read it.

Umah Bloodomen
6th Aug 2002, 00:00
Originally posted by Azazel005
The lines are very adjective heavy, while thats not necessarily a bad thing, I just felt that some adjectives felt forced a descriptive word just for the sake of one whether it was really very necessary.

I've always written descriptively as opposed to plainly. I cannot bring myself to do otherwise. There are many a author's out there that do the same. (You may have heard of a few, Edgar Allan and Old English, Willie) :p Am I comparing myself to those? No, I am not, nor will I ever be in their league of literary genius. (I don't wish to be, I want to be more like Bill Gates now anyway...LOL). Which sounds better and is more likely to captivate the audiance?

The sheets were ripped.
Or
The bed sheets were tattered and worn.

I like to give my reader a sense of being in my story. To see things as they are, to imagine the smells and the emotion of what is happening. So what if it isn't necessary? In my writing I feel that it is, because anything below that just isn't me, and I won't do that to myself.


Originally posted by Azazel005

On the positive I thought your control of events was very good. Sometimes (especially when one is trying to be descriptive) its easy to lose your connection to the events, but you didn't do that I always knew what was going on and what direction you were heading.

It always pays to read and reread and instill the feel and direction in your story beforehand, so you don't lose your direction. Storyboarding before even beginning a piece usually helps as well.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Azazel005

I think the fact the story was very short and covered quite a few events complicated matters for you the author.

I will disagree with this. The length did not complicate anything for me. If I dragged it on anymore than what it was and rambled of into oblivion, then it would have complicated matters. It was left as is, to leave a lasting impression on the audiance. It did that. And my audiance appreciated it. (Read this entire thread). That was my direction, my intention and I met that goal. Besides (and this is a reminder) this was a "short story" not a novel. :p ;)


Originally posted by Azazel005
I still think its good, not a masterpiece but enjoyable.

Opinions do divide though Mon Cher an this is just mine. E-mail me if you want me to elaborate further kay.

I never claimed it was a masterpiece, nor did I "demand" that it be read. (Read my original post). It was just something I played around with and wanted to share. I am indifferent to the way this should be rated (either good or bad). I can't rate my own work. I understand this is your opinion, and I invited the constructive criticism. As for your elaborations:

1. Why hide your opinion in an Email?
2. Although I appreciate your opinions and critcisms, I don't feel that I need to seek you out for elaborations that are being sought and answered appropriately through friendly discussion.

Call me old fashioned, but I invited the opinions of all who read this, a lot of people read this and I have enjoyed the feedback. Why change that now?




Originally posted by Ardeth Silvereni


That was an interesting fiction.

The characterization was sound. In particular Vorador and Kain were believeable and acted 'realistically'. I agree with Serul, some occurances were a bit weird, but I thought they contributed to Umah's sense of disorientation in the story. Overall they worked well.

The ending was satisfying and unexpected (to me at least ). It was plausable, yet also inventive. That's a hard thing to achieve in fanfiction. Well done!

If you do write another fanfic, I'd love to read it.

Thank you, Ardeth. I am glad you enjoyed the piece. A primary concern of mine was the believability of my characters. Not so much as Vorador, but more with Kain. He is a very complex character. He allows us to view his arrogance and hints at his tortured spirit, but never really lets us into his "closet" to share his skeletons. I found Umah to be rather hard to accomplish a good believability as well. (Seeing we knew she was a bit naive and very impulsive but didn't get to see her fully developed). I tried to build on what she could have or would have been had she been able to become better developed.

I will definately pass my future works on to everyone if/when I get around to doing them.

:) ;)

Azazel005
6th Aug 2002, 13:19
Hey Clam down,

Im not having a stab or trying to be all high and mighty, I liked the story I said so in the first post. And you are a talented writer, and I'm by no means some great adjudactor of the written word.

I did certainly read your first post and read your reservations about the story, and delightfully decided to read the story. Which I enjoyed, and responded as such, I appreciated the heads up and did like the writing. After my post you did ask what I meant, and you did ask me to elaborate. I certainly wasn't trying to specifically single the piece of work out to denegrate it. Those were just things from a literery standpoint I felt.

I think the post was taken completely the wrong way, I was just pointing things out that may have worked better from one angle and was just trying to be constructive. I didn't come here swinging a hammer trying to take chips off you. Originally I hadn't intended to post this much of my observations, this level of critsicism is a little specific for a public forum and I didn't feel comfortable posting anything more than this, hence the e-mail reference. I didn't mean to come down high and mighty and I'm sorry if did.

The Masterpiece thing was just playful meant more complimentary and in humour than some snyde remark, alas my sense of humour seems to have been obtuse.

I know its a short story and I did read the whole thread.

So Calm Down OK :) I didn't mean anything.


SORRY UMAH:( It seems i did offend you (ever sol slightly I hope)

<I never use those smily things or I never Sign so you know I'm serious>

"You expect me a son of fire to bow down to a son of clay?"

Azazel005