View Full Version : ~QUEST~ Help Lara save Winston from the giant penguins of Bolivia

Dark One
29th Jul 2002, 16:38
Ok for those who have never done this its basically an add on story. Just write yourself in. The only rule is that it doesn't end...unless we get too many posts and its closed.

Dark One sits comforatably in Lara's mantion...alone staring at the clock. Suddenly, Lara enters in a fury.

DO: Its about time I've been here for two hours

LC: I was doing my hair

DO: You missed a spot

LC: Shut up and listen to me. I need your help.

DO: Well, maybe if you pulled it back into that cute bun again you'd -

LC: Not that! I need the crofteteers!

DO: Well, that'll be hard since I don't know where any of them are. Well, I do know that some have been boiled alive in a big pot of Texas chilli by Louve and Monkey but that was years ago. Besides, your hair doesn't seem to be THAT bad.

LC: Shut up! Winston has been kidnapped by giant Bolivian penguins and I'm going to need you and the Crofteteers to help get him back.

DO: (jumping up) Well, why didn't you say so, there's not a second to lose. TO THE CROFT MOBILE!!

Moments later both Lara and Dark One stand outside before an old rusted moped.

LC: This is the Croftmobile?

DO: Do you know how much insurence is these days?

LC: Errrrrrr! Lets just walk.

Just then, outside the gate a black Ferarri pulls up. The window rolls down revealing...


29th Jul 2002, 17:13
Francesca Bartoli.

LC - Do I know you?

FB - You may know my Uncle. He owned an opera house in Venice. He's disappeared.

LC - Why have you come to me?

DO- Yeah, Lara's a busy woman and I know all about your uncle.

LC - Let her finish.

FB - My uncle disappeared from his home in Pisa three weeks ago.
He had been planning a trip to Antarctica. For what I don't know.

LC - Tell me more.....

At that moment a helicopter, piloted by Cap'n Skusting lands and out steps...

DJ Tech
29th Jul 2002, 17:36
......a group of environmental activists.

Group of Activists:

Hi. We're here on behalf of Greenpeace's Save The Giant Bolivian Penguins campaign, and-

LC: What happened to the whales?

GEA: That's not our area....

DO: How about the 'Save the Dark One' campaign?

(LC rolls her eyes in disgust)

GEA: Don't think we've got a campaign by that name....

LC: (glaring at DO) Think you can start one in the next five minutes?

(The GEA start talking amongst themselves. Both LC and DO notice that the driver of the car is silently getting out. LC recognizes the girl's face from somewhere, but she can't recall from where.)

(The driver turns to face LC and DO)

DO: Who're you?

DRIVER: Name's DJ Tech, remember me?

LC: Wait! You were the house DJ at my last quest-party, right?

DJ: Yep.

DO: And didn't you help the Crofteers find something for Lara once?

DJ: Uh-huh. The weirdest part about it was being chased by a monkey in a gigantic sneaker......

(LC looks at DJ curiously, wondering if she's gone completely bonkers.)

DO: (to LC) Never mind, it's a long story......

DJ: Anyway, my Crofteer radar tracker started beeping, so I set off looking for you guys. I would have been here earlier, but....(nods toward GEA) they bugged me for a lift until I caved in. So, anyway, what's the problem?

LC: Winston's been butler-napped!

DO:By a bunch of Giant Bolivian Penguins!

DJ: A bunch of giant.......bolivian penguins?!
(looks back at the activists, who have gotten out of the car and decided to start a demonstration on Lara's front lawn. Several of them are holding signs that read "SAVE THE GIANT BOLIVIAN PENGUINS!!!!")

DO: Yup.

DJ: Something fishy is going on here.(looks at GEA, then at DO and LC)
Get in the car.

(The four of them pile in the Ferrari. The GEA doesn't notice the car pulling out of the driveway.)

DO: And what about those wackos on Lara's lawn?

DJ: They'll just have to hitchhike it.

LC: I really don't trust them......


DJ: Uh-oh.

29th Jul 2002, 20:13
Just then another car arrives and blocks the driveway knocking into the black Ferrari. It's a taxis with Thanhkim in it. Thanhkim walks over to the ferrari and taps on the window. Once Lara has opened the window Thanhkim says

Hi Larie how's things just thought I'd come see how you are.

LC I'm fine Winston has been butler-napped

Thanhkim Sorry to hear that can I help

LC Yes this is DO you can help us

Thanhkim Oh Larie by the way your braid does have a lump right in the middle. Lara looks at thanhkim throws her hands in the air and starts making a grring sound. Once Lara has finished grring she fills Thanhkim in and Thanhkim joins DO in the car. They again begin to drive off once DO has checked and the car is ok.


Dark One
31st Jul 2002, 16:27
Three hours later

DO: (mockingly) I know a short cut

DJ: It would have been fine you hadn't spilled grape jelly on the map

DO: Only because Croft here shoved me

LC: And what were you doing with a jar of jelly anyway

DO: Mind your own business!

TK: So, are we actually lost.

DJ: We are now. Anybody got a cell phone?

LC: I left mine at home

TK: The GED stole mine

DO: Mines in my Sailor Moon outfit

everyone stares at DO

DO: Um, never mind. Why don't we just go into that store and ask for directions?

DJ: You mean the one with the Cross this line and I shoot sign by the door?

DO: Whimp

TK: Would you two shut up and get out there.

DO and DJ get out of the car

DJ: If I die I'm blaming you

TK: :p

LC: Oh brother, hang on I'm coming too.

TK: You're not leaving me here alone, I'm coming too.


DJ Tech
31st Jul 2002, 17:33
*DO and DJ cross the line cautiously. Nothing happens.*

DJ: WTF? The sign says-

VOICE: Never mind the sign, that's just my son's sick sense of humor. Can I help ya?

* The group of weary travelers looks up from the map to see an old man standing in the entryway to the store.*

LC: We're lost. (Glares at DO)

MAN: Well, what is it yer lookin fer?

LC: It's a bit difficult to explain.....

MAN: Ah, go on and say it. I've heard a lot o' strange tales in my life.

DJ: We're hunting Bolivian penguins. They're in season, ya know.

MAN: There's a woman down the way who raises Bolivian Penguins. Kinda odd if you ask me. Lives alone 'cept fer the penguins and her pet monkey.

DO: You said ....a woman and her ....PET MONKEY???

MAN: Yep. Weird lookin' monkey too, all full o' holes.....

DJ: I think we'd better get to the bottom of this before it's too late......

Dark One
1st Aug 2002, 20:52
Meanwhile, just down the way in a large castle like place, two figures toil in the dark.

1: Where did you put the flashlight?

2: I thought you had it.

1: Would I be stumbling around in the dark like a moron if I had it.

2: You were yesterday.

1: That's because you spiked my diet Coke.

2: Whine whine whine. What are we doing here anyway?

1: We're looking for the flashlight.

2: No, I mean why are we in this place?

1: Do I have to explain everything?

2: Yes!

1: Right! We're pretending to be the Evil Louve and Monkey so that we can lure the Crofteteers here.

2: Than why did we kidnap that old guy?

1: Because the Crofteteers are a lazy bunch and need a reason to do anything.

2: *holding nose* Could we at least spray some air fresher around him.

1: Would you just look for the flashlight.

2: I have been. All I found was this electric torch.

1: You idiot, that is a flashlight.

2: Well, I'm British.

1: Well, I'm annoyed, turn it on.

2: One more question first.

1: Errrr, WHAT?

2: Why does my name have to be 2?


Dark One
5th Aug 2002, 16:18
Meanwhile Meanwhile...somewhere in the Himalayas Louve and Bullet Ridden Monkey stand staring at a map.

BRM: I'm coooooooooooold

Louve: So

BRM: Can I have my fur back?

Louve: I'm not done with it

BRM: Just for a bit

Louve: Arn't you suppose to be looking at the map?

BRM: Yes but...

Louve: So look

BRM: I can't becau-

Louve: Shhh

BRM: But -

Louve: Shhh

BRM: Would you -

Louve: Shhh

Three Hours Later

BRM: If you'd just -

Louve: Shhh

Meanwhile Meanwhile Meanwhile The Crofteteers, who have all suddenly realized that they are suppose to be Crofters, have stopped because the car hit a cactus.

TH: How did you hit the cactus

DJ: Sure, its always the drivers fault

DO: At least its not my fault

LC: Excuse me DJ, Thinhkim, Dark One, would you all shut up and start pulling the thorns out of the car

TH: All I'm saying is that this is the only cactus in a 1000 mile area!

DJ: Do you wanna drive.

DO: Maybe I should drive

TH: Yes!

DJ: fine

TH: fine


All: What!!

DO: I'm out of jelly.

Lara quickly takes the empty jar and hits DO on the head.

LC: Can you do anything usful. I thought you had cheat codes for this sort of thing.

TH/DJ: Cheat codes?

DO: Yes, I have cheat codes but they have to be done exactly right or the consequences could be disaterous.

LC: Try

DO: All right you asked for it

Dark One takes out psx controller and begins pushing buttons. After a moment there is a flash of light. When it clears Dark One is whering a short mini skirt and long blond pig tails. Everyone begins laughing hystarically.


LC: (still laughing) Oh that's always good to brighten things up.

DO: Croft, do you expect me to help you find Winston now?

Lara holds up a signed contract. DO grumbles and starts pulling thorns out of the car again. Suddenly a helicopter appears out of the distance. It circles, and land near the Crofters and out stepps...


5th Aug 2002, 16:47
...and out steps tombraiderchik...

TRC: hey guys! need a lift?

*all of the crofteteers and lara pile into the helicopter*

DO: how u know we were here?

TRC: hmm well if i told u then id have to kill u :p

TH: so uhh where we goin anyways??

TRC: to find winston...derrr...

LC: and u know where he is??

TRC: yupp. see i did a search at mapquest.com so i got the directions to the castle where winston is being held all up here! *points to head* trust me on this one ill get us there!

...10 mins later the helicopter lands in the middle of the desert almost out of fuel...

LC: i think we're lost

DJ: i second that...

6th Aug 2002, 00:12
Just then they see dust flying in the distance

DO Oh look its one of those Millar things

LC Do you mean a Mirage?

DO No a Millar look

*Up pulls Prelude in a 40-foot tanker carrying, yes you guess it Millar Beer!*

PL Hey guys, want a beer?

DJ Geez Prelude where did you get that from?

PL Oh I’m just stocking up, having a party this Friday, wanna come?

TRC Not if it’s anything like the last one

PL oh come on are you still sore about that, I told I don’t know how the chickens got there OK

TRC Actually yes I am still sore, and sometimes at night I can still hear the screaming

PL Again I told you I didn’t know those guys were making out in the frigging shed! And another thing that was NOT my Britney CD!

LC That’s fascinating but we have a real problem here

DO Yeah you got any jelly in there

PL No but I’ve got some peanut butter

DO It’s not the same

PL btw I like the outfit, got one just like that at home

LC I’m talking about Winston

PL He got one too! cool, I knew that look would take off eventually

DJ Prelude can you give as a lift

PL Sorry DJ this thing don’t fly, what’s wrong with your chopper

TRC Its erm out of gas

PL Oh, does it run on Millar?

TRC No :rolleyes: Prelude not everything runs on Millar

PL Mm not got it converted yet then. Oh well I guess I can’t help you then, sorry guys, where are you going anyway?

TK Winston has been butler-napped and we are going to rescue him

PL oh great a groovy mystery, can I come along

LC Yes that’s a good idea why don’t you come along

PL cool. *Prelude gets out of truck* right which way

LC :rolleyes: Actually Prelude what I meant to say was why don’t we come along with you.

PL But I’m only going home, sure you can come along but what about Winston?

LC Prelude how much have you had to drink today?

PL oh well lets see, I stopped for one back there but had three and then I went to thingy’s house and had a couple there, then the tanker was a bit full so I......


PL A bit

LC *sighs* Prelude can…. you …..please….. drive…. us… in… your… truck!

PL sure why didn’t you just say so

6th Aug 2002, 08:36
Prelude hands everyone a drink once in the truck we all get ready to rescue Winston. By now we are drunk as can be and Lara is reading the map upside down laughing, I'm just sitting there laughing and examing one of Lara's knots. Everyone looks at Lara's hair and starts having a good old look tugging Lara's braid this way and that. Are discussion or agrument is about which knot is larger the one near Lara's head or the ones at the bottom. TRC says no they look all the same. While a heated debating is going on Lara gets angry and cracks it bad yelling STOP, PLAYING WITH MY BLOODY HAIR.....


6th Aug 2002, 14:37
after a good few mins all the crofteteers pass out.

**hours later**
LC, DO, and DJ are in a prison locked in for good...or for now they are. TH, PL and TRC are nowhere to b found...::DUN DUN DUN!:: :p


DO is the next to wake and is rather confuzzled

DO: guys wake up!!

DJ:*yawn* hey where the h3ll are we?

LC: seems as if we are in some kind of prison.

^^what they dont know is that they have been taken to the prisin in the castle where winston is being held^^

LC: okay lets get outa here.

LC, DO, and DJ try to think of a way to get outa their cell.

DO: hey! know wut i brought just in case of an emergency?!

LC: oh dear god...

DJ: what?! what!?

DO: my super dee duper wrist watch laser/welding torch!!

DJ: woohoo!!

DO starts to melt away the bars but just then...

Dark One
6th Aug 2002, 16:26
Suddenly, there is a small explosion. Everyone jumps back.

DO: What was that?

DJ: I've never seen that happen before.

LC: I'd say it was some sort of reaction to gas but I don't know where from.

DJ: Gas? AHHHHHHHHH WE'RE BEING GASSED!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! (starts running around in circles hysterically)

DO: Great, thanks Croft.

LC: What did I do?

DO: You're kidding righ? First, you get us lost, then you get me to turn into Sailor Moon again, and now DJ hysterical.

suddenly an old man come up from behind.

OM: Excuse me.

LC: Not now. (to DO) First, I did not get you lost, you and your jelly got us lost. Second, its not my fault you can't control your cheat codes.

OM: Excuse me.

DO: Quiet! (to LC) It is your fault. I'm a guy and I'm wearing a Sailor Moon outfit! Look at my legs! I'm too hairy to be in a mini skirt.


OM: Um, Can I -

LC: Just a second. (sniffs) That oder. Its so familiar.

DO: The gas?

DJ: Gas, Gas, Gas!

LC: Yes, I know I've smelt it before but were?

DO: (sniffing) What ever it is its rank!

OM: Pardon me but -

LC: Look do you mind at all? We are trying to figure out how to get out of here and get Winston away from those Penguins.

OM: (dazed) Penguins? (faints)

DO: See what you've done now.


DJ Tech
6th Aug 2002, 16:40
.....a tiny rodent-like thing slips into the dark cell. As it scampers closer to the Crofteers, its bushy tail comes into view- it's a squirrel!

DO: Oh, look! A squirrel!

SQUIRREL: (sarcastically) How observant of you. Have you ever considered a career in rocket science?

DO: Well actually, yes...


DJ turns to face the squirrel. She stares and her jaw drops in surprise as she realizes she's met this squirrel before!


NUT: Yeah, that's me. (pulls out a cigarette) Got a lighter?

The Crofteers turn to each other in search of lighters. The search turns up nothing; however, it alerts the Crofteers to the fact that they've been stripped of everything but DO's secret welder and the clothing on their backs.

DJ: (frantically) MY KEYS! AND THE MAP!



TK: I'm not sure what I lost......


NUT: (shrugs) All i did was ask for a lighter...don't get mad at ME....

In a fit of anger, DJ lunges at the squirrel and lands on top of him.

NUT: (muffled)gssgfgdggfdkdbcvbncvmkljsdjslfsdlkslwq!!!!!!!!!

DJ: OW! That little bugger BIT me!

She tosses Nutmeg across the room.

NUT: (dazed) owwwwww.........

Just then.....the sound of footsteps echoes throughout the prison.......

Dark One
7th Aug 2002, 16:03
Just then, the old man, who had fallen asleep by now. Wakes up and walks right out of the cell. The others continue to argue until all at once a cloud of sleeping gas bursts out of a nearby vent knocking them all unconscious.


Not very long I know but today is not a good day to be creative. I'll add more later.

Dark One
7th Aug 2002, 20:34
Ok, so where were we. Ahhh yes, footsteps in the prison, an old senile guy, and nutmeg. Oh and just for the record we now have, DO, DJ, TH, PL, TRC, and LC

Netmeg looks around at all the sleeping crofters and decides they arn't worth waking up. Instead, he follows the old guy only to find out he's dissapeared. So, with nothing else to do he decides to investigate the footsteps when suddenly a gigantic Bolivian Penguin leaps into the corridor.

NM: Hey, watch where you're going you *@!

BP: Oh, dear. I do beg your pardon sir I was not cognizant of your proximity.

NM: What?

BP: Your proximity, sir. I was unaware that you were at such range.

NM: Would you speak english!

BP: Quite. I am uttering English. That is that I am using the Western European dialect of English as opposed to the Eastern United States version that you seem to have aquired.

NM: Would you say something sensible

BP: I'm sorry. Have I not been transparent in my intentions.


Suddenly, the crofters, due to their silly matabalisms, wake up just as Nutmeg runs by in terror.

DO: What was that?

LC: Sleeping gas.

DJ: Why would anyone want to gas us

TH: Pe-

TRC: Pe?

PL: That doesn't make sense.

TH: Pe-

TRC: Wern't we suppose to be split up.

DO: Details

TH: Pe-

LC: What is? What are you trying to say?

TH: woof!

DO: Now, we're just getting wierd.

Upset by stupidity Nutmeg stomps back in.

NM: You morons!! The dudes trying to tell you about the Giant Bolivian Penguin

All: HUH?

NM: (Pointing) There

All look up to see the penguin



8th Aug 2002, 16:51
TRC AHHHHHH quick has anyone got a fish!!!

DJ A fish!

DO oh yeah I got a fish, :rolleyes: I always carry the odd haddock around with me

BP Actually I’m not that partial to fish myself I prefer the consumption of a nice steak

The Crofters look at each other confused in unison they exclaim: Huh????

Nutmeg Oh yeah he talks weird

PL leave this to me *stepping forward, she clears her throat* er hm good day to you old chap, what what, I wonder if one would be kind enough to confide in myself and my good colleagues the direction in which we my retire to an exit, we have been perambulating this area for some time to know avail and are quite fatigued, one doesn’t like to render in this melody unnecessarily but one has obtained all knowledge from ones cranium and is quite frankly tried of this antidisestablishmentarianism, pip, pip

The Crofters stand in utter amazement

TK what did she say?

DJ no idea

DO something about permits

DJ Geez Prelude where did you learn to speak like that?

PL South Park!

BP Oh no concern at all my good Lady the exit you require is situated over there

PL *changing back to her London Cockney Accent* Cheers me old mucker, she throws him a beer (don’t ask me were it came from!) Get your laughing gear round that!

The BP is distracted studding the beer momentarily. LC shouts


The Crofters run past the BP and towards where he had pointed but then……

8th Aug 2002, 19:38
an explosion ruptures the ceiling, and an enormus block of stone strikes the BP in the face, As i rappel down from a chopper overhead. I give the signal to the pilot, and he flys away.
DO comes up to me and punches me in the stomach.

DO:You idiot! the chopper was our ticket outta here!

DG: Well excuse me but its not your chopper!!

LC:What are you doing here?

DG: Not even a hello before complaning?

She then delivers a punch to my stomach.

DG: If you would let your anger subside for a moment!

DJ: Sub- what?

DG: Well if you must know, im here to rescue Winston from the Penguins!

LC: You didnt even bother to contact me?

DG: I did, but you werent answering my calls.

But just then, the BP starts to get up......

9th Aug 2002, 15:01
*smacks into concuisness*

9th Aug 2002, 18:29
TK: folks BP is awake.

Lara turns around and gives BP another clob in the head and one in the gut. I say nice work Croft, she gives me a high five and we go to find Winston. As we are walking the floor starts to break away, everyone panics and starts running, just making in time to a group of stairs going up. We walk up them and we are greeted by

the evil BP god

continue story.

Dark One
9th Aug 2002, 19:58
Suddenly all the Crofters are frozen stiff before the BP God.

BPG: HALT!! (looks around) Oh, good.

BP: (rubbing his head) Ah, felicitations your greatness. I was just near apprehending these rufians when I was walaid by there sordid attempt to make a premature exit.

BPG: Hmmm, what have you all got to say for yourselves?

the crofters try to speak but find they are frozen by more than fear. They are, in fact, under a paralizing forcfield. Just then 1 and 2 walk in.

1: That will be quite enough of that.

2: of what?

1: shut up. Penguins report.

BPG: We have catpured these...persons.

BP: And I must say the gent wearing the mini skirt has been puzzling my sensibility for quite a while.


1: Shut up. Who are they?

2: He looks like Sailor Moon to me

1: (hits 2 in the head) Another word out of you and you'll be cleaning out the Penguin cage.

BPG: They are the Crofteteers

BP: Excuse me I believe they are now the Crofters.

1: Who asked you. Release them.

the forcfield is immediatly turned off allowing the crofters to move once again.

1: Well what do you have to say for yourself.

DO: Yes, I am a guy in a Sailor Moon out fit but I have a good reason.

BP: Really? This should have humoristic tendancies.

2: It should be funny too


BPG: Continue

2: Well -

1: Not you!

2: oh

LC: Excuse me, but you don't look like Louve and BRM

1: (blinks) Well, there goes that disguise

BP: Which disguise

1: DOH!! Now you're going to get it!!

PL: Can I have a beer first

DO: Can I get back into some real clothes

LC: A blind fold would be nice

DJ: What about a pizza

TH: No anchovies though

TRC: What's wrong with anchovies?

DG: You're kidding right?

2 pulls out a pen and paper

2: blind fold, pizza

1: What are you doing?

2: Taking the orders.

BPG: Would someone just pull the lever and drop them into the really big labrynth like cave with lots of bugs


10th Aug 2002, 04:01
1: right**pulls lever and the crofters go fallin down into this deep hole**
2:and u did that for...?? i was still takin orders!! derr...

meanwhile in the really big labrynth like cave with lots of bugs the crofters lay on the floor ***es killin them form the landing. while tryin to take in the bug filled surroundings and looking for a way out the crofters spot whove theyve been tryin to find! its winston tied up in the corner unconscience!! :eek:

now that they have found winston....they must find a way out

(ack sorry its not too long but im a bit tired cuz ive been a veerry busy girl all day :p)

Dark One
14th Aug 2002, 17:25
Its ok, this I'm short too. Almost time for work

As the Crofters go to untie Winston he begins to vibrate violently until, suddenly, he mutates into a giant lady bug.


DJ Tech
14th Aug 2002, 23:04
Everyone panicks and starts to run in the opposite direction, forgetting that there's a wall there.


DJ pulls herself away from the heap of Crofters and approaches the ladybug.

TK: ARE YOU NUTS? (shields eyes)

DJ: (grinning) Why should I be afraid of a ladybug? They're harmless, and besides- AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

DJ is dragged into the darkness of the ladybug's lair.........


15th Aug 2002, 00:35
LC: Oh my god, quick go after her. (pushing DO in front)
DO: You mean go in there (pointing) after the lady bug thing?
LC: Yes go on
DO: Erm, No!
LC: Well somebody go! (the crofters start backing away, whistling to themselves, LC sighs and puts her hands on her hips) D!
DG: What!
LC: You go
DG: What’s it worth
LC: Mmm lets see….it’s worth not getting a smack in the face!!!!
TK: Don’t get upset Laire
LC: I’m not upset I just want someone to go in there and get DJ out!!!!
PL: Look guys I hate to break up the party but can I say something
All: (dreading) Yes
PL: BUGS!!!!!!!!! BUGS!!!!! Bloody BUGS!!!! I hate them, stupid creepy crawly things, they get into your ears and they crawl under your skin and they suck your brain out!!!! (Prelude becomes quite hysterical, stomping around, squashing bugs) 6 legged FREAKS, DIE DIE, Anything but bloody BUGS!!!!
TRC: (calmly) What anything?
PL: Yes anything, anything but BUGS!!! (still squashing the others look on confused)
TRC: What anything at all?
PL: (Stopping) God damn it yes, anything at all!!!!!
TRC: So what about spiders then?
PL: Yes bloody spiders, bugs stupid bugs!!!
DO: Well technically a spider isn’t a bug, it has eight legs that makes it an……
LC: TRC what’s your point?
TRC: Oh just that huge 8 foot foaming at the jaws red eyed tarantula over there….
Prelude passes out……..

16th Aug 2002, 16:22
every1 just stands there screamin, well except for the unconscious PL, butTRC stops and realizes she brought her giant can of Spider Away Spray!(<---comes complete w/ protective goggles!)

TRC: ehem if u wuld all stop screaming and put on these Spider Away Spray Goggles ill get rid of this..thing::shivers::

all the crofters put on their goggles and TRC sprays the beasts w/ the Spider Away Spray.

TRC: ah there we go! that bugger shuld b out cold for a good few mins.

LC: only a few mins?

TK: R U INSANE!? wed have more time to find ourselves outa here and try and outrun the thing!!

TRC:....i did loose my sanity a while back ya know.....

DG:well this idea suked

DO: u got a better idea?

TRC: well soorrryy i mean that spider is kinda big so i dont think this one can culd kill it but ya know-

suddenly the giant spider awakes and the Crofters find that the can of Spider Away Spray didnt work on the giant beast.

and once again...
ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LC: oh please:rolleyes: just every1 shut the bloody h3ll up.

LC takes out her rocket launcher (having beaten a giant spider like thing in the past) and blew the spider to a bazillion different pieces.

LC: ahh. right, now anyone got a plan to get that lady bug? oh and some one get PL to wake up!

the last frustration
16th Aug 2002, 17:54


[1 and 2 hurry out of the room and into a huge hall, filled with gold-covered antique furniture and a big ice-box (to stop the penguins from complaining). Bolivian Penguins are running to and fro, taking orders from a mysterious third person sitting on the golden throne at the top of the hall. Nutmeg is sitting in her lap, happily smoking a joint, and the great evil penguin god is sitting in a slightly smaller throne by her side]

2: Can't I just git a pizza?
1: No! Now shut up! *walks up to throne*
3P: ...what? This better be good, I nearly beat the penguin god at rock paper scissors!
NM: It's mah dope, hehe
1: I have some good news...
3P: Good!
1: ...and some bad news.
3P: Bad.
1: Which do you want to hear first?
2: Can ah hear the good news first cus I don't like bad stuff...
1 & 3P: Shut up!
3P: Good news first.
1: Okay, the good news is, we found Nutmeg's shackles and gag.
NM: Aw f***.
3P: *smiles* Excellent. Now what's the bad news?
1: The Crofteers are getting away.
3P & BPG: WHAT??

[3P races out of her seat, flinging Nutmeg to the floor as she does so, and with 1 & 2 at her tail she runs into the dungeon and peers down the trap door.]

3P: Curses! They're gone! Our diabolical plan to take-over-the-world-that-will-almost-definitely-fail-even-with-the-aid-of-Bolivian-Penguins-because-our-plans-are-always-so-crap is foiled! Quick! Do a search of the castle! And I swear, if someone makes me spill my hot chocolate they'll be hell to pay!!

[Stands looking pissed off as penguins run riot around her, as 1 & 2 look nervous]

2: Honey, aren't we gunna tell her that our disguises didn't work too?
3P: What?
1: Uh-oh.....

Dark One
16th Aug 2002, 18:37
Meanwhile, the Crofteteers have found a small hole to escape through. Unfortunetly, it leads in to an ant arctic climate.

DO: (freezing) Great! Who's idea was it to come out this way?

TRC: Maybe you'd like it better back with the BUGS!!


DG: At least it was warm.

LC: Where are we anyway?

DG: Looks like somewhere cold.

TK: Um, I hate to bring this up but...

DJ: What more bad news?

TK: Um, yes.

DO: Then keep it to your self

TK: But I think its kind of important.

DG: We don't care.

LC: (to DO) No wonder your cold if you're still in that Sailor Moon outfit.

DO: What! DOH!!

Quickly DO pulls out a psx controller and quickly pushes a lot of buttons. There is a giant flash

DO: There, that's better.

PL: (snickering) Only a little.

TK: Um, I really think that you should hear this news its...its...good grief Dark One can't you do codes at all.

DJ: Really.

DO: WHAT! Give me a mirror.

TRC: Here's my compact.

DO: Great!

(looks in mirror only to find that he is now a giant Pokemon.


TK: Considering this is where all the Giant Bolivian Penguins came from, I'd say yes.

DG: What was that

TK: That's what I've been trying to tell you all.

LC: You know, you really shouldn't wait to tell us this stuff.

DO: Wait a minute here! How can they be from Bolivia if they came from here?

Suddenly the giant bolivian penguin they had met before sneaks up behind them.

GBP: We imigrated. It was, to say the least, a trying experiance as we were not at all suited to such a, excuse the pun, climactic shift. However, we seemed to endure it most triumphently.

TRC: Where in blazes did you come from.

3P: I sent him.

DO: Do I know you.

NM: You know me.

LC: Nutmeg you traitor.

3P: Alright, lets rumble!


16th Aug 2002, 19:35
LC: now this is wut im talkin about :D ::reloads pistols::

DO: ::clears throat:: ehem...*random mic appears* ladies and gentlemen...LETS GET READY TO RUMBLLEEEE!!!

the crofters, the random giant bolivian penguin, nutmeg, and 3P all duke it out with DO as their referee.

PL DJ and TRC run and attatck the penguin. they r soon joined by LC but she had to get rid of the pistols cuz it was against the rules.(no weapons)

TK and NM are having a chiken fight while DG and 3P r having a ball slapping eachother silly.

5 mins later....

(okay who wants to continue!? im outa ideas for fighting lol)

the last frustration
16th Aug 2002, 19:53
[3P charges for a random Crofteer, but crashes into DO]

3P: Hey ref, need any leg wax? *s*******
DO: Aww, come on, that's not funny! I changed!!
3P: Yeah but you're damned if you're going to foil one of my schemes, kill all my bugs, make a huge hole in my castle and get away without being insulted.
LC: She has a point...
DO: Shut up! *sulks*


DO: ...can I still have it?
3P: Not a chance.
DO: Crap.
3P: You're a giant Pikatu, you don't need it anyway.
DO: The fur chafes, okay??
3P: Oh you love it.
DO: So what if I do?
3P: You'd go beserk if I did, oh say... *throws can of leg wax into distance* ...this?
DO: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! *runs after wax*
3P: Heheh.

that... was random.

17th Aug 2002, 03:17
wow im stumped right now ::waits for DO to write sumfin:::

oh and tlf always remember this... "randomness is a beautiful thing." <----i made that up...or at least i think i did...idk i live by that :D:D

Dark One
19th Aug 2002, 16:32
As DO dissapears in the distance the whole crowd gathers around in a big circle as Lara and Nutmeg go at it.

LC: You think you can take me squirl

NM: No prob you little CENSORED

LC: Oh that's it!

suddendly Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler appear out of no where and start calling the fight.

JR: Lara, with brilliant power bomb there!

JL: Yeah, but that squirl's not done yet.

JR: Now, Nutmeg with spectacular gorrilla press slam. And into a figure four leg lock!

JL: Croft's gonna have to submit now.

Then from out of the crowd TRC hits the ref with a steal chair knocking him out. Quickly, 3P hurls her self at TRC. Then everyone jumps back to fighting.

JL: Its gone crazy JR

JR: It certainly has and there's no one to stop it.

JL: What about that Dark...guy

JR: I think he's too busy waxing his fur.


22nd Aug 2002, 14:35
JL: Wait what this?

PL pulls out a towel from her back pack and winding it round she whips it on GBP a**, with amazing wrist action


JR: Wow! :eek: I didn’t see that one coming

JL: I don’t care where your from that’s gotta hurt!

TRC sneaks up behind P1 and pulling underpants over his head shouts “Wedgey!!!”

JL: Now that's low, you gotta have balls to do that!

JR: Yeah and I bet P1 is wondering where his has gone!

Suddenly LC stands in the middle of the room and shouts “STOP!!!!!”

TK and DJ have P2 on the floor they have removed his shoes and are tickling his feet rendering him a useless giggling wreck, P1 has his underpants still over his head and is wondering around arms out stretched bumping into things, NM and P3 are just about to each launch a custard pie at LC, PL has her fingers up GBP nose (beak) and is dragging him across the floor, TRC’s head in BPG beak while she punches him repeatedly in the stomach, DO is still waxing……

Everyone freezes........They all look at Lara (expect P1 who can’t see anything) Suddenly they all hear the familiar clattering of tea cups on a silver tray, and are aware of a familiar smell, they all look towards the entrance and exclaim together……


Next……… (sorry if I left anyone out or got the gender wrong, this was not easy!!!!)

Dark One
22nd Aug 2002, 16:08
Ok, time for a little clarity before we move on. It is getting tad fusing at the mo.

The Crofters:

LC - Lara Croft
DO - Dark One
TRC - Tomb Raider Chick
DJ - DJ Tech
PL - Prelude
TK - Thanhkim
DG - DGx2001

The Baddies:

1p, 2p, 3p, Nutmeg, Giant Bolivian Penguins


JL - Jerry "The King" Lawler
JR - Jim Ross

Dark One
22nd Aug 2002, 16:22
Not the end, for suddenly DO comes back over the hill with a large type machine and has now changed back to himself.
DO: Hey guys

3P: What the...

NM: It looks like a *@! stinking sort of a *@! gun.

TRC: Yeah DO, what is it?


PL: Where'd you get that?

DO: There was a clearance at Wal - Mart.

3P: Yeah well, it usless now, TAKE THIS!!

3p picks up nutmeg and hurls him at the SUPER DUPER MIND ALTERING TRANSPORTATION MECHANISM. Suddenly sparks start to fly and DO jumps out and runs for cover.


Suddenly there is an earth shattering kaboom. The next thing they know, all the Crofters are standing waist deep in the middle of a swamp with no memory of the past 24 hours.


the last frustration
22nd Aug 2002, 17:16

NM: Owie... hey, you made me drop my cigarette! *cries*
3P: Oh, shut up. Just fetch me my flame thrower and big leather boots and I'll think of letting you have a fresh packet.
NM: *grumbles but trudges off towards castle*
1P: So, um, now that the Crofteers have disappeared, as has Winston, and the Penguins are sulking, and our plan is foiled, what do you propse we do now?
2P: I want a pizza.
3P: Well, I have a new plan. But first I want you do to three things. Firstly, I want to to tie and gag your 2P up.
1P: *fastenes last knot* Already way ahead of ya.
2P: Mmmph...
3P: Second, I want you to fetch me a giant bucket of beans, and tell all the penguins to steal all the toilets on the planet.
1P: Uh huh... o_O
3P: And lastly, get me a gas mask. A good one. Get one for yourself, too... I don't give a CENSORED about your husband, though.
1P: *looks insulted* I do...


LC: Aargh! A swamp! We're all going to drooown.... wait a second, why are you all here? Wait, why am I here? I thought I was just doing my hair...
DO: I'll get us out... *begins to transform into Sailor Moon but screams when he realises there's mud in his pants* Ooooh it's too cold!

[everyone stares at him]

PL: Well, do you know why we're here?
DO: No... but I remember something about a great sale at the WalMart...
LC: You know, while you were blabbering on we've sunk another five inches. If we sink low enough to be completely submerged we'll only last exactly ten seconds and be unable to get out.
TRC: And while you were talking we've sunk another inch...
DJ: And while you were talking we've sunk two inches...
LC: And now we're up to our chins...
TK: And...
DO: Hey guys, I've found some solid ground...
All: Shut up!

[DO shrugs, and drags himself onto solid ground, where he finds Winston looking very confused and lost]

DO: Lara, why is your Butler here?
LC: *pokes head out from under mud* I don't know... why are you?
DO: I don't know...

[They continue with this for another five minutes, during which they begin to drown but in an amazing feat of strength Winston pulls them all to safety. They are about to find a way out of the forest when they are suddenly attacked by huge birds carrying buckets...]

Bullet ridden monkey
22nd Aug 2002, 22:20
"This is all your fault"
"Shut up"
"Oh! You said, 'Look at me! I'm an smart furry thing that only wants to spread peace in the world'!"
"You're making this even more difficult"
"'Say!' you said, 'Lets go to a Buddhest monestary in the Himalayas! Lets forget our past of Evil'"
"Louve! I'd appreciate it to infinite degrees if you would not START this right now!"
"But oooooooooh nooooooo, we had to get lost..."

BRM looked at Louve sharply. She stared back coldly, wishing her hands weren't so frostbitten so she could send the impulse to them to let go of the fifty foot rope her fuzzy friend was dangling on below her down on the cliff-face.

"Look," BRM shouted up, "If there is one thing we have to do right now, it is pay attention. Now, hold me steady..."

Sighing, Louve brushed away the frozen hair from her face, which in turn ripped off part of the forehead it was sticking to.
Soon, BRM had attached the line, and the duo headed down the cliff in tandum. Although it was cold, both knew that it was imperative they get down in one piece - more or less
"You know," Louve said casually, tending to the black frostbite on her ears "I wonder what those craftcrackers, criftamasmeers, croftotkeeers, krimisnotekeys, croquets..."
"Crofteteers, Louve"
"I know, don't interrupt me again" Louve pouted, "As I was saying, I wonder what they are up to...

Meanwhile, somewhere in Beverly Hills...

"I've always been your biggest fan," GoranAgar grinned, "And, well, I just wanted to tell you personally"
"I...appreciate your efforts," replied Jeri Ryan, as she stood in the doorway of her house wearing nothing but a silk black robe and handling a glass of champagne.
"Goran...resistance is futile!"
And with that, Goran was thrust inside Jeri's house to enjoy her various borg implants.
Suddenly, music started.

IP Bans are forever,
They are all I need to please me,
They stimulate and tease me,
They won't come back in the night,
I've no fear that they might re-register.

IP Bans are forever,
Get one and then caress it,
Touch it, stroke it and undress it,
You can't see ev'ry part,
You can't hide in the forum to hurt me.

I don't need to ban,
For what good will a simple ban do me?
IP Bans never lie to me,
For when bans may be gone,
IP Bans will live on.

IP Bans are forever,
The power through my little finger.
Unlike a ban, the IP bans linger;
Spam is a nusiance which
Is not worth getting banned for.

I don't need to ban,
For what good will a simple ban do me?
IP Bans never lie to me,
For when bans may be gone,
IP Bans will live on.

IP Bans are forever, forever, forever.
IP Bans are forever, forever, forever.
Forever and ever.

"Ah, Goran, glad to see you up and about again" GM said, handing a map to Goran.
"GM, yes. Quite"
"We have a mission for you"
"Lara Croft's butler has dissapeared. We think he is Bolivia being chased by penguins."
"GM - I'm a Moderator, not a retirement home employee"
Goran looked at the Map of Bolivia, studying it quietly. Suddenly, a large explosion ripped through the laboratory they were standing in.
"Ha! Our, uh, latest device. We call it a 'bomb'"
"GM - I think it's best if I equip myself for this mission. Besides, I could use a break from the usual espionage"
"Jolly good...we have a contact in the Himalayas, she should be able to give you relevant information about the Bolivian government."
"Does she have an accent and a catsuit?"
"Well, uh, no. She is French-Canadian though"

To Be Continued...

the last frustration
22nd Aug 2002, 22:45

[3P's pathetic excuses for minions halt in their tracks, and wait nervously for whatever stupid evil genius rant 3P is about to start]

3P: That damn monkey is too talented! We must kill it!
NM: But isn't he already dead? Like, undead?
3P: I don't care! I need to destroy it...
1P: ...how?
3P: *sigh* Haven't you seen Resident Evil?
1P: Yes, and it was CENSORED.
3P: CENSORED isn't a censored word.
1P: Um...
3P: What the CENSORED? CENSORED isn't a censored wor-- hey! I didn't CENSOREDing say a CENSOREDing censored word! Quit it you CENSORED!

[3P smashes the censorbot to pieces]

3P: I'll censor my own damn words from now on, you CENSORED.

[everyone stares at 3P]

3P: ...what? That one needed to be censored! Um... what were we talking about again?
1P: Resident Evil.
3P: What the fu... oh yes. Well, if the monkey is undead, all we need is to find an antidote to make it mortal again. Or chop his head off. I like both.
NM: But what about the plan with the beans and the toilets and stuff?
3P: Oh yes... eh, screw it, I want that monkey dead.
NM: But he's alread--
3P: I KNOW! But I'm just going to *dispose* of him...
NM: ...right.
3P: Of course I'm right.

23rd Aug 2002, 00:47
Suddenly the ground underneath our dearest Crofteers started to shake heavily as if a giant earth quake was ready to announce itself before the entire area would explode in a world of fire and lava.

Lara was the first person who quickly responded. She decided it wasn't safe to stay put and ran away to safety.

DO, PL, TRC and the others followed her instinctively ...

All at once, the rock beneath everyone's feet started to break in pieces and it wasn't much later until everybody would be swallowed by this giant monster of fire and heating lava.

Lara started to scream loudly: "NNNNOOOOOOOOooooooo ...!!!"

Slowly her ability to see went from bad to worse to awful ... and in the distance she heard a familiar voice, but it sounded so far away ...

Lara ... Lara ... Lara ... LARA!!!!

Lara quickly opened her eyes and looked straight into these of Winston. Nervously she looked around. She was lying in her bed ... her pillow was all wet ... and there wasn't any earth quake to be seen.

Lara stood up and looked through the windows. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the birds were singing.
'It was all a dream.' she thought.

After having taken a nice, hot bath and a very tasty breakfast of toast with beans, Lara Croft walked up to Winston and asked him about any possible new missions.

WI: "Indeed, you received a new mission this morning." Winston gave Lara a dark-brown envelope with in read the word TOP SECRET!!!
LC: "Thanks."

Lara walked up to her desk and opened the envelope to check out its mission in writing ...

Dear Lara, here is your latest mission sent by TOP SECRET-mail as usual.
1.You have to travel to Antwerp (Belgium) to track down the biggest and most expensive diamond ever devised by human hands. It's been stolen last week at a then current value of 100 billion dollars and its price goes up 10 billion dollars per week. It takes a professional thief or thieves to accomplish such an impossible theft and I (Eidos; who's responsible for the TOP SECRET-deliverance of Lara's many dangerous missions) thought immediately of Larson and Pierre. I know you thought they were dead, but they were last seen in Sweden two weeks ago. This may come as a shock to you, but we dare to believe that not only Larson and Pierre, but also Jacqueline Natla and Sophia are still alive and kicking and that they all have joined forces to (once more) take over the world.
Lara, you must go to Antwerp and get that diamond on the double!! This diamond can be used as an incredible powerful weapon when the light of the millennium-rainbow (expected on the 18th of December 2002) comes in contact with this very diamond. Forget everything you know, Lara! The Legend of the John Carter-Diamond is very true and you have to make sure it stays that way rather than becoming another shameful part of our dark history. As usual I'm counting on you, my dear. And you still have the possibility of calling the help of your partner Kurtis Trent ... that is: if you want to. Good luck, my young Tomb Raider!

She looked up from her desk, put the paper back in the envelope and put the entire dossier on fire only to let it burn into ashes in her dustbin. Nobody could ever know about this mission ... about any of her missions!!

WI: "And, my dear? Are you going to accept the mission?"
LC: "Of course, Winston! Do I have a choice? Eidos is counting on me. This surely looks like one of my most daring adventures up to this point, Winston!"
WI: "Do you want me to accompany you, Lara?"
LC: "No need for that, old man." She smiled ... he smiled back.
WI: "All alone again, huh?"
LC: "Not really. I'm thinking of taking Kurtis with me this time."
WI: "That's unusual."
LC: "I know. I've never asked him to join me, but ... with this new Tomb Raider-game in sight, I might as well adapt myself to the given situation, no? What do you think, Winston? Should I go alone or let myself slow down by Kurtis?"
She meant this sarcastically and he knew it.
Winston layed his hands on her tight shoulders and said with a calm voice:"


the last frustration
23rd Aug 2002, 00:59
Ah, come on, what was that for? The first plot was perfectly good (insane and full of holes, but good none the less). Why'd you change the whole thing?

23rd Aug 2002, 01:29
i agree w/ tlf...i was loving the insanity :p:D

23rd Aug 2002, 13:05
Originally posted by the last frustration
Ah, come on, what was that for? The first plot was perfectly good (insane and full of holes, but good none the less). Why'd you change the whole thing?

Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin it all. I thought it was neat to make a change that was more realistic to a true Tomb Raider-adventure. :( Do you want me to delete my post, so we can continue with the first plot? It's taken me some time to write that one, but I wouldn't mind deleting it. Please tell me. The last thing I want is to start a fight ... tell me what you want me to do: go on with the new plot or delete my post and continue with the old one?

the last frustration
23rd Aug 2002, 13:13
Not trying to start a fight - Quests are just supposed to be completely insane. You could by all means start a totally new one with your plot, though.

23rd Aug 2002, 13:21
Originally posted by the last frustration
Not trying to start a fight - Quests are just supposed to be completely insane. You could by all means start a totally new one with your plot, though.

I know that we're not fighting ... I was just being ... err ... completely insane; this is the right place after all, isn't it? :D

You what I'll do? I'll delete my post, make it a new one and let you guys continue with this one here (I just might try to continue this ?insane? plot myself too without changing too much; ya know)

No hard feelings, I hope.

C ya later, alligator!

28th Aug 2002, 20:35
Well you certainly killed this story, me thinks you should stick to you pointless polls!!!!! :D

Just kidding, your plot is good, but maybe you should have started a new Quest with it, when this one was finished.

31st Aug 2002, 22:46
i guess its too late for me to continue....

1st Sep 2002, 14:18
Knock yourself out dxg2001!!!! (as always :D ) I don't hear no fat lady singing..

Dark One
3rd Sep 2002, 14:05
Ok Ok, this has kind of fallen apart so I'll use imagination and fix it a little. *clears throat*

Suddenly, the Crofters discover that they have mysteriously transported aboard an alien vessel. More over, they are all hanging upside down and all their change has fallen out of their pockets.

DO: Where are we?

LC: Shut up I'm thinking.

DO: Sheesh, what a party pooper.

TRC: Quiet, I'm -

PL You are not!

TRC: Am so!

TR: Are not!

DJ: You keep out of this!

DG: Out of what?

3P: Excuse me, but why am I here with you dorks?

NM: *@!

3P: You Shut up!

DO: No!

3P: What?

LC: You heard me!

Three hours later...

DO: No, she told me to shut up.

3P: Then who was I talking to?

PL: What are you doing here anyway?

DJ: Shut up!


5th Sep 2002, 00:15
TRC: who said that?
DJ: what?
TRC: That!
DO: who?
PL: no that!
LC: what?
PL: Has all the blood rushed to anyone else’s head, or is it just me?
DG: Didn’t you just say that?
TRC: who said that?
DJ: what?
TRC: That!
DO: who?
PL: no that!
LC: what?
PL: Has all the blood rushed to anyone else's head, or is it just me?
DG: Didn’t you just….hang on a minute
DJ: what?
TRC: No that!
DG: Look shut up all of you, how long have we been here?
TK: 5 minutes
3P: 5 and a half hours
TRC: who said that?
DJ: what?
TRC: That!
DO: who?
PL: no that!
LC: what?
PL: Has all the blood rushed……
DG: no not again
TRC: didn’t you just say that
DJ: what?
TRC that!
LC who?
3P: SHUT UP! you lot, your driving me mad
TK: do you ever get day-shar-voo
TRC: who?
TK: no voo
DG: didn’t you just say that
TK: what?
DG: no that!
3P: not again :rolleyes:
LC: shut up who asked you
DJ: who?
DO: no you
PL: I think I’m seeing things
TRC: huh?
PL: can anyone else see a funny looking guy over there in a big pink hat?
All: erm…..no
PL: just me then, thought so
TRC: who said that?
DJ: what?
TRC: That!
DO: who?
PL: no that!
LC: what?
DG: wait I got it, I think we must be in some sort of time warp
All: What!
3P: give the guy a hand, you people have been having the same conversation for the last 6 hours
DO: so how come your not effected by it then
3P: beats me, but I wish I was, I’m sick of hearing your pathetic banter
TRC: who said that?
DJ: what?
TRC: That!
3P: Oh god hear we go again…..


5th Sep 2002, 01:41

It's like waiting for Godot! :D

Dark One
5th Sep 2002, 18:56
Just then a large sponge like thing enters the room. On its very top is Winston...fast asleep.

DO: What

LC: That


3P: And who are you?

LSLT: I am me.

DG: You?

TRC: Him.

DJ: Like the in the Power Puff Girls?

PL: No, not like on the Power Puff Girls.

TK: Awwww

DO: Shut up

Annoyed, the large sponge like thing turns off the time warp power.

LSLT: Greetings Earth creatures. My name is Me and soon you will meet my associates him and her.

3P: What do they do?

LSLT: Stuff.

DO: Great, we're going to be attacked by pronouns.

TRC: Whatever. Why are we here.

LSLT: Why are any of us here. I think socrates said it best...


7th Sep 2002, 15:43
TRC: (yawn) God your boring
3P: Says the woman who just spent the last 6 hours saying what! :rolleyes:
TRC: What!
3P: Make that 6 hours and 1 minute
LC: Look Me I don’t care who you are just get us down from here
TRC: he’s Me
DG: huh?
TRC: she said I don’t care who you are?
DO: and
TRC: he’s me
DG: No he’s him, your you and I’m me
3P: I am beginning to think there are amoeba on Saturn with more intelligence
PL: There are, I’ve been there, some of them are even clever
TK: What’s an emmeba?
LSLT: The amoeba is a group of single celled organisms that are called protozoa or protista. The word protozoa means first animal and since these organisms have an affinity with plants the term protista means first creature, which is the preferred name of today’s scientist. Like all cells the amoeba consist basically of protoplasm. In the middle of this cell, surrounded by protoplasm is the nucleus. The nucleus is a body which can be thought of as a blueprint for the organization of the cells activities. When you cut an amoeba in half, the half with the nucleus may survive and reproduce. On the other hand the other half will move around but being unable to digest its food, will soon die. It was once thought that the protoplasm was a jelly but it is now known that protoplasm has a very complicated structure. Protoplasm consist largely of an intricately folded and changing double layered membrane that will form itself into a variety of tiny structures that perform the cells diverse functions.


DG: geez!!!
TRC: You had to ask
TK: Sorry I did
LC: Just get us down! We’ve been here for 30 minutes….
3P: 6 hours and 30 minutes!!!
LSLT: The strange one is correct
3P: I’m the strange one!!!! Geez! look around pal
LC: Stop interrupting me, I have an itch on my foot that’s killing me, DO needs the rest room
DO: I really do
LC: And Prelude is seeing funny little men in big pink hats
LSLT: oh so you’ve met Him already
PL: ah ha see is wasn’t just me, it was Him
TRC: and her
DG: Huh
TRC: there is Me, Him and Her but Him and Her just do ‘stuff’ we’re not absolutely clear on what yet
PL: No I mean it wasn’t just me seeing him, he was really there as well as me…
3P: I have come to the conclusion that I have more cats than you lot have brain cells
TK: How many cats?
3P: Four
LSLT: I can’t do that I’m afraid, you see you are here for a reason, well we all are after all, what is the reason, well that’s the question or is it to be or not to be, that is the question, is it better to…..
TRC: Can I just stop you there becos your boring me again
LC: God I am going to kick you’re a** so hard when I get down from here that goes for you too 3P
3P: oooo bite me!
TK: oh no Larie’s mad, now you’ve done it
LSLT: I can’t
LSLT: Her has the key
DG: Shouldn’t that be ‘she’ has the key
TRC: no her as in Her
TK: Who is socrates anyway?
All: DON'T ASK!!!!!!!
DJ: Wait a minute did you say 6 hours?
TRC: Apparently yes
DJ: sorry I was asleep
DG: How the hell do you sleep upside down?
DJ: Why not perfectly natural bats do it all the time
DG: uh huh
DJ: Ahhh!!! who’s that?
TRC: That’s Me
DJ: Really? Is doesn’t look like you, looks more like a large sponge like thing or a fruit salad to me, and besides your there, how can you be there and over there
3P: oh god….:rolleyes:

Just then….

8th Sep 2002, 20:16
Originally posted by Prelude
Knock yourself out dxg2001!!!! (as always :D ) I don't hear no fat lady singing.. lalalalala yayayay lalala sorry I'm the fat lady and I'm still singing hehehe

DJ Tech
9th Sep 2002, 16:15
Meanwhile, in some far-off secret underground bunker...

Woman: It looks like our plan is working!

She turns to look at a small monitor nearby. After a few seconds, she punches a button on the console next to the small screen. A spy-cam view of the Crofters (and the penguins....and the sponge...) pops on-screen.

Man: You think so?

W: Well, we've got Lara Croft AND her butler, we've reduced the Crofters to babbling idiots, and we've captured several members of a nearly extinct species along the way!

M: So now all we need is Whatshername and that weird-lookin' monkey, right?

W: Right. Once we've got them, we'll start our campaign to GAIN CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE PLANET!!!!!!

Back at the "alien vessel" , the Crofters are planning their escape.

DJ: ...and I say we find out what the hell that thing in front of us is before we do anything. Is everyone with me?

ALL: Yes!

DJ: Good. Now who's going first?

The Crofters look around at each other.

DO: (nods at DJ) Well, it was YOUR idea.......

DJ: (gulp) You sure you want me to do this alone?

The others nod in agreement.

DJ: OK.....here I go.......

DJ cautiously approaches the sponge/fruit salad/big scary thing.

DJ: Ahem.

The sponge/fruit salad/big scary thing doesn't reply.

DJ: Looks like i'll have to do this the hard way then....

She takes a deep breath.

DJ: (thinking to herself) It smells a bit fruity in here.....how odd.

DJ pokes the thing, then pulls her hand back sharply. It's covered in something that looks like green whipped cream.

DJ: (licking her fingers) MMMMMMMMM......lime....my favorite!

She turns to face the other Crofters.

DJ: Ummm....guys?


DJ: It's lime jello and whipped cream.


DJ: (laughing) Heh, a bunch of Crofters scared silly by lime jello and whipped cream. Are we nuts or what?

TRC: But....that voice....Where did it come from?

Prelude: At this point, all i really care about is getting something to eat......I am sooooo starved right now!

TRC: So dig in, then.

Prelude does just that, and the rest of the group joins in.

DJ: Mfmfsgfskdirjkgfljvbknvcm, dfjkldsjkfdsl!!!! dcjfhejfhjsdhwqhwj!!!!!!

TK, LC, 3P: Say what now?

DJ pauses to swallow.

DJ: What I said was that maybe the voice came from this loudspeaker (points to a speaker that was previously covered in green whipped cream).


Dark One
12th Sep 2002, 17:17
...Suddenly the celing opens up and large quantities of liquid jello start filling the room.

PL: Ooooh, more!

LC: Arn't you full yet?

PL: No way!

TRC: Um, I don't want to concern anyone but if this keeps up we might drown in this stuff.

DJ: Good point lets -


DJ: Well, actually I was going to suggest -

DO: That we all put on monkey suits and reanact the battle of Gettysburg?

Everyone stops and stares at DO.


DJ: Anyway, I suggest -

3P: Would you say it all ready?

DJ: I'm trying but you all keep -

TK: Keep what?

DJ: Keep -

DG: Interupting you?

DJ: Yes, and its -

LC: Getting annoying?

3P: I don't know, I'm rather amused.

DJ: Look can we -

DO: You're amused by nearly anything.

DJ: I'm trying -

3P: What's that suppose to me?

DJ: Um, can we -

DO: You know what it means!

By now the water has made it up to all their necks.

PL: Can't...eat...any...more...going...to...hurl...