View Full Version : My wife and Angie come home today!

27th Jul 2002, 16:35
I am leaving in a couple of hours for the airport. To all of you who said prayers, thanks a lot! See if I ever speak to you again. :D
No, all kidding aside, to all concerned, thanks a lot. I appreciate. It's been nice and quiet here, but it will be nice to have them back. They've been gone since May 18th.

27th Jul 2002, 16:43
Give them a big hug from all of us. :)

27th Jul 2002, 16:54
GREAT. Glad to hear that. Give them my warmest regards.

27th Jul 2002, 17:15
Say Hello from all of us. Enjoy the time together. Life works in mysterious ways. :)
Glad there is a happy ending to all of this.

27th Jul 2002, 17:17
That's great news.

27th Jul 2002, 17:24
Fantastic! I bet you can't wait to hug them both. I'm so glad your story had a happy ending. :)

27th Jul 2002, 18:54
Yes, our thoughts have been with you. Good luck. :)

27th Jul 2002, 19:14
Congrats Yubetcha! I know you will be happy to see them. :)

27th Jul 2002, 19:37
That's great, good luck to you and your family:)

27th Jul 2002, 19:53
That's terrific news, yubetcha! A nice ending for such a difficult time.

27th Jul 2002, 21:06
for all that you'll be reunited again. I'm sure this is a big relief for all and hope the road you travel together now will be smooth and straight ahead :) Ta and Good Hunting!

27th Jul 2002, 21:19
Happy home coming!

27th Jul 2002, 22:52
That's great news! Give them a big hug from all of us here, and make sure that they know we were thinking about them, okay?

Squid & LochNessa

28th Jul 2002, 05:55
Thanks, everybody. You are so kind. You are all fantastic. I am glad you all are here. Jennifer is still weak. She was told that she almost died 3 different times, and it's weighing heavily on her. She is afraid to be alone, and she is very insecure. We already had an argument tonight because of it. She is also tired and just worn out. Hopefully tomorrow will be better after she's rested. BTW, the doctor also told her that she had 23 things wrong with her when she was ill, from Lupus to Viral Meningitis to encephilitis to pneumonia to organ dysfunction and/or failure. I assume that it wasn't all at the same time, although some of it was. I don't know how many, though. I haven't seen the list yet, but it must really be a doozy! The dr. told her that she has a second chance at life, and it's really a miracle.

28th Jul 2002, 13:51
You're going to have to dig down deep and find a lot of patience and TLC to help her get past this until she feels more secure. It must have been terrifying for her. Give her time and slowly things should get back to normal, especially now that she's home again in familiar surroundings.

When things start to get to much for you, just come here and blow off steam with us! Someone will always be here to listen, I'm sure. :)

28th Jul 2002, 15:08
This is great news Yubetcha! I’m sure there’s still pressing times ahead for you, as you both come to terms with what’s happened. But like Nightwalker, said you’re amongst friends here, and we’ll always listen if you decided to share your thoughts with us. My best wishes to you, your wife and your family!

28th Jul 2002, 22:55
It's good to hear you are back as a family again. Here's to a rosey future. :)

29th Jul 2002, 11:09
Thanks all. I appreciate it. I'm trying to have patience, but sometimes it's difficult. And it's a big adjustment for all of us. I've been trying since they came home, because I know it isn't easy for her. Perhaps if I went through it, I would feel the same. I dunno. Hope I never find out. And it's probably the worst thing anyone could live with, to know that you came THAT close so many times. I would probably feel as fragile as she does.
Anyway, I appreciate the ear more than you'll know. I'm glad that you're all here...and not at my house :D.

Whatz His Name
29th Jul 2002, 17:15
I'm glad your family will be under the same roof again. I'm glad everything turned out okay. :)

29th Jul 2002, 17:21
Yubetcha - glad everyone is well enough physically to come home. Now comes the tough part - the mental healing that includes your daughter and especially yourself!

When you get angry, count to a million first then ask yourself; "Will this change the course of western civilization?" If not, then forget about it.

30th Jul 2002, 17:47
Well maybe not completely but the painful memories do fade over time and life goes on... my prayers will be with you and your family for however long it takes 'til things get as back to normal as possible... it's been a life altering experience yubetcha... the choice it up to your wife if it becomes negitive or positive.. sounds like time is on your side and patience is the prescription:D

Hang in there sweetie!!


30th Jul 2002, 20:50
Great news, yubetcha! Your wife must be one tough cookie to survive what she did! I hope she takes strength and comfort in knowing that it wasn't her time to go, and that she still has some divine purpose in life. The ladies are right, please be patient with her during her recovery. She'll probably be her normal self in no time. That's good, right? ;) :)

Thanks for sharing, your story with us. It makes me appreciate the time I have with my wife all the more. Life is fragile, handle with care.

31st Jul 2002, 11:41
Thanks to everyone who posted. I appreciate it. I always feel better after coming here, and reading your posts. One of the prognoses is that there would be a personality change. I hope it's temporary. For instance, she used to have a great sense of humor. I'm hoping that she'll get it back. I am being patient. Have been since they got home. Sometimes I feel like I don't matter. I keep reminding myself that I haven't gone through nearly as much as she has. I had to bite my tongue many, many times. But still, I can't just stand there and let her run over me with a steamroller. There are times when she needs to know that she is doing something wrong to me, for my own sake. But I have let the vast majority of it slide (and by vast, I mean about as vast as you can get), reminding myself that she's been through much more than I ever will, hopefully. If I ever go through that, I hope that I would just go ahead and leave this body for all time. Northren, I agree that she has some divine purpose in staying here. In another thread, I said that when she was almost dead, we obviously weren't conversing. All of a sudden, she said "No, I can't. Not yet. I have too much work to do", as if someone I couldn't see asked her a question. I know she wasn't talking to me, even though I was the only one in the room (that I could see, anyway). I wasn't saying anything to her at the time. Sometimes I wonder if she meant raising Angie. If so, then maybe two years ago, before we got Angie, the outcome would have been different. I guess I'll never know. The other day, I asked her if she remembered saying that, and she said no. Not surprising, considering.

BTW, just before my father died of cancer years ago, he became what some would call delirious. He said, for instance, "Oh look! There's so-and-so (another family member who died years before)". And now I'm wondering...does anyone here have any such stories to tell?

31st Jul 2002, 12:07
up at this time in the morning :) Hard to get to sleep or you just usually wake up early? For me, it's hard to get to bed and sleep at times...

Well as far as any similiar stories about ppl thinking under their semi-conscious mind...I guess some ppl have had somewhat of a similiar happening as it does seem to be more common than one would think...especially when close to death. Of course the mind plays many tricks on one's self and who knows how much of it is real to them and how much is imaginary. The only story that I have any knowledge of is from my ex-husbands family..whereas the Grandmother on the Mother's side was fast asleep in her bed and all of a sudden was awakened and claims to have seen her Brother/Uncle(?) at the foot of her bed...as it turned out, exactly at the time he passed away. Now that's not exactly the same thing...but does illustrate how mysterious things can happen to people that are quite unexplainable...

There were several times in the last few months of my Mother's life where she would claim to see someone in the room...a friend or a man (don't know who) that of course were not there (at least to my eyes) but then she also suffered from demintia so who knows? However, I also found out after my Mother's passing when I tried to call her Brother...I found out he had just passed away in March...was she seeing him or somehow knew he had passed? Mysteries of life and death and the thin line between...

But as far as your wife's recovery...she is going to need a lot of time yubetcha...it ain't gonna happen over night...and your really going to need to be strong for her...and realize that whatever she's saying that might be hurtful or perhaps demanding much of you...it's temporary and she's trying to cope and may not know how herself yet...I do hope you both are going to somekind of support group or perhaps a church counsler to help guide you through this...cause your gonna need it to help you both. It's gonna be a struggle and you might as well take advantage of whatever solace someone who knows can provide you. It can't get any rougher than what you've all been through...so just keep the thoughts alive that it will get better in time :)

That's my sermon for the day...Praise the Builder :D and hang in there! Ta and Good Hunting!

31st Jul 2002, 13:02
Yeah, I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I wish it would :). I know it'll be like this for a long time, and it's going to seem like a long time too. And the change may be permanent, God forbid. I'll give her a lot of time, but forever is very long.

Your stories were interesting, Huntress. Are there any more?

31st Jul 2002, 14:48
I wish I could say something to make it better. I wish I could make her feel better. I have had some ups and downs but nothing like Jennifer had. Lupus is in my family and every time I get ill thats the first thing they look for. Nothing so far and I think I'm past the age anyway. Trying to see things from her side if it helps any. If I went though all that, I would be angry inside. Some times I am because of my problems and they arn't that bad. Before all this happened it was bad enough with Lupus hanging over her head then comes a little joy, Angie, but also responsiblilty. Mixed emotions here. Now after what has happened she probably thinks she has to look to herself and keep as strong as possible to raise Angie. You are grown but your daughter is not so she needs her more. She may want to be with you and love you but you can make it on your own. This could make her feel life is unfair but how can she even think these things or say them. Why me she thinks. Everthing was so good even with Lupus. She could put that in the back of her mind somethimes but now she can't. What if, the big question. Jennifers world has changed and now so will yours. Live is not fair but we are able to adapt. I think after a long time of feeling well Jennifer will start to relax again but for now her energy is all spent in staying well and raising Angie. Many mixed emotions going on all changing each minute and nothing is secure anymore. How frightening. I remember being very sick once and I prayed to be allowed to stay just long enough to raise my sons. I think many women could understand but if she said that to you it would hurt you. She may have said it or not but I'm sure the thought is there. How can she feel this way, she thinks to her self, but can't stop the fear that controls her thoughts. I'm no shrink and I hope I didn't upset you. These are my feelings as I put myself in her shoes. You both need to find someone to help you with this now before you become strangers to each other. Communication is the key to every good relationship. Some of the things that are on her mind now she doesn't want to say because she probably doesn't know why she feels them.
I sometimes don't explain things well but I tried. My thoughts are with all of you now because this is just the second part of recovery. My email is available and I can listen anytime. Stay stong and chin up. We are all here to help. :( :)

31st Jul 2002, 15:18
I can't add any stories as I've been very lucky, up to this point, and have not lost or even come too close to losing anyone close to me. Hawklette has a good point, though. Maybe someone else to talk to, to help sort out feelings and thoughts, would be helpful for Jennifer. There may be all kinds of mixed up things running through her mind that she doesn't feel comfortable sharing with you that she could work through with a stranger. Hang in there. Remember, you could have been sitting there alone, struggling to raise your daughter by yourself now and grieving. You'll get through this and we'll all help any way we can. You have my e-mail address, too. Feel free to use it anytime. :)

31st Jul 2002, 18:38
Maybe it will take a long time till she is getting better and it will be a hard time for all of you, but never give up. If you think you can stand it anymore, go out for a little stroll, talk to someone else, it often helpes.
Sad stories often happens, my father died on cancer. His last will was to die at home, not in a hospital. My mother and I take care of him, it was a very hard time, my children were so little, Lukas was a baby and Corinna can't understand what's happend to her grandpa. The last weeks, my father seems to think he is a boy. He don't know anymore that he is married and have children. He thinks his wife were his mother, and he always called me Inge, it was the name of his sister. I felt so helpless in this time.
You have my e-mail, feel free to use it if you want. :)

Keeper Collins
31st Jul 2002, 18:44
That's gerat yubechya!I'm sure you must very happy and of course relived!

1st Aug 2002, 17:04
No, Hawklette, you didn't upset me. Anger is caused by fear, and I don't have any fear regarding those words. You said it very well, and hit the nail right on the head. Ya know, sometimes the one who has the same illness, in this case Lupus, or who has gone through an illness to almost the same extent, really understands.

I have also been thinking the very same things that have been written here about the possibilities, etc. These are nothing new. I appreciate it, though. It's good that they were said. I think of them often. Sometimes focusing on them helps, and sometimes it doesn't. And the support group/counselor idea, mentioned by Huntress and then Hawklette and Nightwalker, may be a good idea. I'll mention to Jennifer that she should talk to her minister. She is Catholic, and goes to church religiously (LOL! Pun intended) every Sunday. Sometimes I see a hint of her former self (humor, considerate, etc, so there is hope) but very seldom, and she's still too bossy and complaining, and still digs at me too often. It reminds me of something my father said about my mother when I was a kid...some people aren't happy unless they are *****ing about something :). She is however getting stronger, which is great. And as an aside, Angie STILL wears me out. I wish I had her energy. If only it could be bottled and sold! Where do kids get it, and why do we lose it?! :)
Thanks, all, for the posts, the suggestions, and the input. I appreciate it a lot. I read them often. And thanks also for all of your offers to email. It's good to know, and I'm making a list, and if this was Christmas, I would check it twice :). After I bombard you with email, you will probably want to change it :D.

1st Aug 2002, 23:22
Call me any time. LOL!! BTW my son had a concusion and his entire personallity changed for quite a while. Talk to you soon if you want.:D

2nd Aug 2002, 11:13
Originally posted by Hawklette
Call me any time. LOL!! ...:D

Okay, you're an anytime. :D Sorry, I told my fingers not to do that, but they wouldn't listen. :). I was just reminded of a movie in which someone told the doorman to call him a taxi. LOL!

2nd Aug 2002, 11:54
From the little experience I have of married life (3 months!) ...

I would say that people get the most angry with the people they love the most. Perhaps it's because we feel we can say things to our partner that we couldn't say to anyone else.
Perhaps she is not angry with you, but just needs to direct her anger at somebody because its the only way she can deal with the anger and fear raging inside her. Maybe she is simply off-loading onto you, because she knows that it is safe to do so with you, her loving husband. Sometimes we just need to scream at someone.
That must be a very tuff situation for you to be in, taking all that abuse from her. But I'm sure that deep down inside she appreciates you being there for her, your love and patience.

We'll continue praying for you.