View Full Version : A Thief Play (ATTN: LittleK!!)

22nd Jul 2002, 02:34
Hi all - LittleK, you mentioned a Thief play. Here's a Thief skit my sister wrote, awhile ago (it's comedy, of course:D).

I hope you enjoy it. :)

(BTW, I think there might be some spelling mistakes in here...my sister typed it:D)



HOST: (COMES ON STAGE) Good Evening, and welcome to THE FIVE-MINUTE FAMOUS PEOPLE SHOW!! (Audience claps) Last month we introduced you to Sherlock Holmes: the master detective, and his friend Dr. Watson, who together fight a never-ending battle for truth and justice! (Really dramatic on last phrase) Ooops - sorry…that’s for Super Man! (Takes notes out and look them over) But tonight Ladies and Gentlemen, we will have the opposite of law enforcement; we will have the famous Garrett and his archenemy, the infamous Trickster! (Audience claps)
And here, Ladies and Gentlemen is Garrett; the master thief, who saved the world on numerous accessions; once from the Trickster, once from Karrass, and once from …uhh…ect., ect., ect! (Looks at notes once again) And here Ladies and Gentlemen is Garrett: the master Thief!! (Garrett, all hunched over, wobbles on stage, leaning on black cane. He is wearing black shirt and pants with black hooded cape.)

GARRETT: (Wobbles to the stage and pulls off his hood displaying a white Einstein wig. He is wearing very bright sunglasses.) Hi, Mr. Host! (To wall)

HOST: I’m over here Mr. Garrett.

GARRETT: Oh? (Takes sunglasses off and puts on glasses) Oh! Well, hello anyways! (To audience) Hello! I’m Garrett; the master thief! (Really dramatic on last phrase – but starts coughing and gasping at end!)

HOST: Umm…And here is one of Garrett’s archenemies; the Trickster! (Trickster comes on stage leaning on cane. He is wearing red shirt, pants, horns, and tail. He is laughing evilly when he trips and falls.) Oh dear! Mr. Trickster!! (Helps Trickster up.)

TRICKSTER: Not Trickster (insulted) – Tripster!!

HOST: Oh, sorry.

GARRETT: Tripster!! You!!

TRIPSTER: Garrett! Thou mansie fool!! (Garrett beats Tripster with cane while Tripster starts to run, but trips and falls. Host blows whistle and City Watch 1 and City Watch 2 come and restrain Garrett, then help the Tripster up. Host blows whistle again and City Watch start to leave when Garrett, (who is obviously angry), hits City Watch 1 with cane.)

CITY WATCH 1: Ouch!! Something hit me!!

CITY WATCH 2: Hmm…must have been the rats!!!

GARRETT: I resent that!!!

CITY WATCH 1&2: Hmm…must have been the wind!!! (Exit stage)

HOST: Okay. So tell me Garret, since you’re not as young as you’d wish to be - lets say 60?!

GARRETT: Oh!! Thank you for that generous offer! (Coughs again)

HOST: Well, anyways, what do you steal now? Are still up to famous stones, scepters, and museums, ECT?

GARRETT: Oh, no. I’m up to thrift stores and yard sales!


GARRETT: Oh yes. I don’t make that much money, but it’s the publicity I like!! (Takes “stack” of newspapers out; (He could have a “loot bag” underneath his cloak.) And starts reading headlines) YARD SALE THIEF STILL AT LARGE - 124TH YARD SALE ROBBED - PRESIDENT SAYS THIS MUST STOP - FBI CATCHES MADMAN!! (Garrett chuckles)

HOST: (Un-impressed) I see!! So tell me, Mr. Tripster (sarcastically), what have you been doing in your old age?

TRIPSTER: Oh, I’ve been allying myself with communist Russia in order to… uh…I-I-I- didn’t say anything about our plans to try to take over the world!!! I mean… I mean…Oh TAFF!!

HOST: (Looks at notes, then watch) Okay… and now Ladies and Gentlemen, everyone knows how much I love to bring surprise guests on the air; so tonight we will have two honored friends of Garrett’s and the Tripsters’. (Addresses Garrett) Mr. Garrett, who stole your eye and then your heart?
GARRETT: Viktoria!!

HOST: Right! And here Ladies and Gentlemen is the famous tree lady: Viktoria!!

Audience: (Claps) - (Ent 1 comes in wearing green shirt and brown pants-vines or tree branches could be hanging out of sleeves- Ent 1 has left arm straight in front him; and he is holding one corner of a piece of cloth with right hand. Ent 2 has same type of clothes on and is doing the same thing with opposite hands. – (The cloth should be long.) – They drag the cloth with a small, potted tree to middle of the stage.


GARRETT: (Kneeling before plant) Viktoria!! My love!! I thought you were dead!! (Pleads) Marry me!! Speak to me!! Viktoria?? My love?!!! (Starts crying, Host blows whistle, City Watch 1&2 restrain Garrett then drag Ents and “Victora” off stage.) Be careful with my love!!

HOST: Uh…and now for our last guess; (Addresses the Tripster) Mr. Tripster, who saved Garrett’s life on numerous occasions?

TRIPSTER: How would I know?!! They’re definitely not friends of mine!!

HOST: The Keepers!!! And here Ladies and Gentlemen is Mayar the 3rd Keeper!!

AUDENCE: (Claps)

KEEPER: (In the same outfit as Garrett, only he isn’t old and bent over like Garrett.) Hi, Everyone!! (To Garrett) Howdy Garrett. (Friendly, puts hand on shoulder.)

GARRETT: Let go of me, old man!!

KEEPER: Look who’s talking!!

HOST: So, Mayar - you don’t mind if I call you Mayar do you?

KEEPER: Not in the least.

HOST: Thanks!! So, Mayar, how do you keep the balance?

KEEPER: Anyway I want!!! Why?! Are you questioning my authority? Do you think I’m not responsible enough to a Keeper? Do you think—?

HOST: NO!! I-I- I’m not saying anything like that!!! I was just asking you a question!! This is a talk show, you know!!

KEEPER: HMMM!! Talk show or not, you can’t bully me into answering me into any of your questions!! I’ll call my Congressman!! I have the Constitutional right to remain silent!!

GARRETT: Good, shut up!!

KEEPER: (Ignores him) Who do you think you are?!!

HOST: Please! You agreed to come! And I wasn’t doing anything illegal or bad!! I just asked you a simple question!!

KEEPER: What’s your name?

HOST: Uhh… Charles…Charles Rich… why?

KEEPER: How do you spell it?

HOST: Uhh…C-H-A-R-L-E-S R-I-C-H…why?

KEEPER: I’ll remember that!! (Writes it down)

HOST: WHY?!! Why do you have to remember my name?! For Pete’s sake!! This is a talk show!! I asked you a simple question!! What’s the big deal?!

KEEPER: Never mind! (Now calm, Looks at watch) Well, I have to go now; I have a date. (Looks proud)

GARRETT: (Sarcastically) With who? A zombie?

KEEPER: Nope. With a beautiful tree lady named Viktoria!! Bye everybody!! (Exits, Garrett almost faints, while Tripster chuckles evilly.)

HOST: (Looks at watch) I’m sorry, Ladies and Gentlemen, but our five minutes are up. I’d like to thank all of tonight’s guests for coming, and I’d like to thank you (To audience) for watching the FIVE-MINUTE FAMOUS PEOPLE SHOW. (Audience claps) Good Night Ladies and Gentlemen! (Host blows whistle and City Watch comes and restrain Garrett.) He stole my pen!! (City Watch feels for pen on Garrett and produce tiny toys, Christmas ornaments, and beaded necklaces, Ect. Then they each hold up a hand full of pens and pencils. Host takes his pen. All this time Garrett is protesting. City Watch take Garrett’s “loot” and leave stage. The Tripster laughs evilly and leaves the stage, tripping on the way. The Host shakes hands with Garrett, and starts off stage when Garrett wobbles after him, blackjacks him, takes the Hosts’ pen again and exits stage.)

23rd Jul 2002, 15:24
Cute. I like the integration of the Ents - never thought of Victoria in league with the Ents......an interesting twist.

But you left out Benny! WE WANT BENNY!

23rd Jul 2002, 17:00
Originally posted by littlek
Cute. I like the integration of the Ents - never thought of Victoria in league with the Ents......an interesting twist.

What can I say? My sister has a wild imagination...;)