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Dark One
19th Jul 2002, 17:08
I have finished part 3 of my Sailor Moon Tomb Raider Story. For some reason it all togther but its still readable. Here is the URL:

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=743010

newbie gamer
20th Jul 2002, 05:45
very interresting dark one only one thing you used too many adjectives at the start and lost site of them toward the end but it was a very good read and i hope i dont insult you by saying very entertaining. (this response is supposed to be a compliment)

Dark One
22nd Jul 2002, 16:35
Thanks you two, I'm glad you liked it.

NG, thanks for the heads up I'll take a look at it again. I'm not insulted either. And no I'm not insulted.

Louve, now that you've read more is your opinion about the adjectives the same or do you agree with NG.

newbie gamer
25th Jul 2002, 23:12
the style of writing is very creative, but.. a little wordy try to explain the scenes and what goes on with less adjectives(some of the words got me a little distracted and it took away from the creativity you seem to possess) try writing more plainly/less extravagantly. this comes comes from an old person so take it as you will i'm trying to be encouraging keep writing if for noone else just for yourself ;)

Dark One
26th Jul 2002, 16:13
Ok, NG, I'll take a look at my stuff in the future, thanks. And don't be sorry. Without constructive critizism I'd still be at See Jane. See Jane run...