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JohnnyPepsi
22nd Oct 2015, 05:00
The Top Ten Things I Learned Playing Episode Five of Life is Strange.

Number 10: Three-and-a-half years after BioWare tore the internet in half by irretrievably botching the end of a highly anticipated game while robbing players of any sense of choice or accomplishment, your best bet is to do the exact same thing they did and expect a different result. You know who said that doing that was the definition of insanity? Vaas. And Vaas was insane himself, so you can't trust him at all.

Number 9: A sharp blow to the head from an unhinged photography teacher is enough to make a school security guard completely lose his southern accent.

Number 8: If you bring up a potential plot-thread like, say, an obscenely rich family with a mentally infirm son that may or may not have a stake in the destruction of a town and potential ties to an illegal photography racket, you are strongly advised drop it immediately. Preferably with one line of dialogue in an alternate reality. Those who expect you to follow up on the storylines you introduce simply do not understand your art.

Number 7: October 20th, 2015 saw the brilliant conclusion of an episodic adventure game where a wonderful character made great sacrifices in the name of love and friendship... And that character's name was Loader-Bot!

Number 6: Having a drawn-out, surrealist sequence that re-uses great swaths of assets, dialogue, and licensed material is as good a way as any to say "We ran out of money and ideas." Plus Kotaku will love it, and surely that's what matters most.

Number 5: The second best way to tell the world you ran out of money is having poor, overworked Ashly Burch voice the entire female population of a San Francisco art gallery. Seriously, I think she was talking to herself at one point.

Number 4: If your game has a strong LGBT following, make sure you poke the bear by having the villain make a derogatory comment about two female characters having sex in hell, and including a dream sequence where one of said characters hits on everyone and their dog in front of the player. Just because your ending is trite and perfunctory doesn't mean it can't be mean-spirited and hateful too!

Number 3: Make sure your late-game plot twist completely contradicts the rest of the episode. Does a character have to die to stop a tornado from wiping out a town? Make sure the character's dead for a day and have the storm come anyway! There's no reason the Angel of Death can't be as picky and anal-retentive in your game as he is in the Final Destination movies.

Number 2: It is strongly advised that one of your two endings be much longer than the other, and be sure to pay for a new song to play over it. Otherwise, how will players know it's the official ending that they were supposed to pick?

And the number one thing I learned from playing Episode Five of Life is Strange is...

Number 1: It's easier to copy Telltale Games than it is to learn from them.

Corinth
22nd Oct 2015, 11:41
Ouch.

I can't deny some of these, though I'm far more polite about it.

What REALLY gets me, is the Bioware thing mentioned in #10. That would be my #1, to be honest. Why on Earth would Dontnod make the same mistake Bioware did with ME3 after the HUGE backlash that caused?

JohnnyPepsi
22nd Oct 2015, 12:47
I'm sorry I gave you a bad impression, friend. I could go on a big, sweary tirade somewhere else, or I could come here, get creative and hopefully make someone laugh. Lord knows we could use one.

As for your point, I'm of two minds: The first is that some artists like to stand in between the work and an audience and say "This is what my work is about and I shall remove any tool you have to say otherwise!" One of the fundamental differences between good art and bad is that good art is created by people who serve the work. Bad art is created by people who think the work serves them.

The second? They just ran out of time and money. Cause-and-effect in a game doesn't happen on its own. People have to do it, and those people need to be paid, and given a dearth of resources, they did what they could, even if they shattered their legs sticking the landing.

My money's on the second. When you think about it, they put more thought and effort into your conversation with Frank in Episode Four, than they did the ending to Episode Five. They know how this works, and maybe they couldn't, as opposed to wouldn't.

Still doesn't change how I feel, though.

Xeva-q
22nd Oct 2015, 12:57
Very true - all of it. And much much more

PHub07
22nd Oct 2015, 13:45
Anytime I read someone elses issues with this....I find yet another thing to get annoyed at.

I had somehow forgotten and not until now realized. That even with Chloe dead.....the lights in the Dark Room start to flicker...shes dead...yet the storm is still coming. If it matters WHEN She dies....then it makes no sense why the universe seems to keep trying to kill her if her getting killed at that point doesnt even matter cause its still gonna storm. A warning?? A warning from the universe that gave you powers for no reason.

I think 8 is probably my fav. Lets bring up Nathan and Sean Prescott 8 billion times in episode 4. Basically not even mention Sean in the next episode.

JohnnyPepsi
22nd Oct 2015, 14:05
I had somehow forgotten and not until now realized. That even with Chloe dead.....the lights in the Dark Room start to flicker...shes dead...yet the storm is still coming. If it matters WHEN She dies....then it makes no sense why the universe seems to keep trying to kill her if her getting killed at that point doesnt even matter cause its still gonna storm. A warning?? A warning from the universe that gave you powers for no reason.

I think 8 is probably my fav. Lets bring up Nathan and Sean Prescott 8 billion times in episode 4. Basically not even mention Sean in the next episode.

You know how the menu screen for each episode is set at the same time that episode opens? The one for Polarized had the tornado in it, and that's what I hitched my wagon to. "They can't make me kill Chloe to stop the storm because obviously it has no effect." A lesson to us all that we have to factor bad writing into the possibility of the linear progression of narrative events.

And that conversation with Wells in the art gallery was the first sign that this entire episode was gonna fall flat on its face. All wind-up and no pitch. I keep seeing people saying they want ending DLC, but God, the entire episode needs work.

Xeva-q
22nd Oct 2015, 14:11
the entire episode needs work.

Entire game, i'd say. Because this episode is no any worse than others.

PHub07
22nd Oct 2015, 14:22
You know how the menu screen for each episode is set at the same time that episode opens? The one for Polarized had the tornado in it, and that's what I hitched my wagon to. "They can't make me kill Chloe to stop the storm because obviously it has no effect." A lesson to us all that we have to factor bad writing into the possibility of the linear progression of narrative events.

And that conversation with Wells in the art gallery was the first sign that this entire episode was gonna fall flat on its face. All wind-up and no pitch. I keep seeing people saying they want ending DLC, but God, the entire episode needs work.

Yup I recall that crossing my mind too. What caught me so off guard was how predictable the whole CHLOE MUST DIE thing was....it was so predictable that I was like....surely this isn't actually going to be the case. I guess we just gave the writers too much credit.

PHub07
22nd Oct 2015, 14:26
Entire game, i'd say. Because this episode is no any worse than others.

I had no issues....at all...with ep 1 2 and 3. The only issue I had with episode 4 is the way Max and Chloe just sort of walked right into a trap like idiots. They just....seemed to suddenly lack any sense of direction at that point. Oh look we are in a dark torture room. Lets not phone the police....lets not take pictures....Lets leave this million dollar bunker that surely no security cams are watching us from...

Even that is SOOOO minor compared to the entire episode 5. Which feels like some alternate version of the Alan Wake DLC. Seriously....I advise anyone who hasn't played Alan Wake to do so...and the DLC...then tell me that wasn't HUGELY influenced by it. Mr Jefferson seemed sooo much like Mr Scratch.

JohnnyPepsi
22nd Oct 2015, 14:40
I had no issues....at all...with ep 1 2 and 3. The only issue I had with episode 4 is the way Max and Chloe just sort of walked right into a trap like idiots. They just....seemed to suddenly lack any sense of direction at that point. Oh look we are in a dark torture room. Lets not phone the police....lets not take pictures....Lets leave this million dollar bunker that surely no security cams are watching us from...

Even that is SOOOO minor compared to the entire episode 5. Which feels like some alternate version of the Alan Wake DLC. Seriously....I advise anyone who hasn't played Alan Wake to do so...and the DLC...then tell me that wasn't HUGELY influenced by it. Mr Jefferson seemed sooo much like Mr Scratch.

You know things have gone sideways when you look at Terminally-Ill Chloe and Shot-In-The-Face Chloe and think to yourself, "Those were the good ol' days, weren't they?

And hey, remember when people used to say it was like Indigo Prophecy, only coherent? God, the crow I have to eat, now.