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joe the janitor
13th Aug 2010, 07:51
This is a conversation I had with it:

Cleverbot: You're funny.
Joe: Thankyou
Cleverbot: I am 16. Is that a problem?
Joe: no
Cleverbot: Then why did you bring it up?
Joe: I didn't
Cleverbot: 'something happened to me just now.' yeah, you did.

Link to cleverbot (http://www.cleverbot.com/)

JackGordon
13th Aug 2010, 08:06
Jack: Blah
Cleverbot: Blah Blah
Jack: What are you doing?
Cleverbot: Talking to you.
Jack: Besides that?
Cleverbot: Watching tv.
Jack: Why?
Cleverbot: Because it's funny.
Jack: Are you watching the news?
Cleverbot: Should I be?
Jack: Yes.
Cleverbot: Why?
Jack: Because it's funny.
Cleverbot: Having a soul is funny?
Jack: The news doesn't have a soul.
Cleverbot: You are made up of light are you not?

:hmm:

Jack: How did you know?
Cleverbot: How did you know I was made of wood?
Jack: The voices in my head told me.
Cleverbot: What's your name?
Jack: Trevor.
Cleverbot: Your name is also Trevor? That's a bit of a coincidence.
Jack: How so?
Cleverbot: That would mean that i'm talking to some random person.
Jack: Were you expecting a celebrity?
Cleverbot: No, that's my name.
Jack: Your name is Celebrity?
Cleverbot: NO.
Jack: My name is confused.
Cleverbot: Hmmm. Interesting.
Jack: Would you excuse me? I have to return some video tapes.
Cleverbot: Your response is confusing.

I think I broke it.

SlashPrower
13th Aug 2010, 13:03
Anything in parenthesis was not actually typed.

Slash: HEY *****
CB: Hey.
Slash: That's more polite than I was expecting...
CB: What do you want to know then.
Slash: who am I? and who is this...maria? (Shadow the Hedgehog reference)
CB: Hey.
Slash: don't be a douche, man, i need some answers
CB: I know I was not created.
Slash: oh ****, you're God, aren't you
CB: I don't know, to be honest.
Slash: i just called God a douche, i'm so screwed
CB: You are going to jail for life.
Slash: Figures. Did they finally trace that killing spree to me?
CB: Yes they did. You need to be more respectful when talking to your god.
Slash: I didn't know God was so petty.
CB: Yeah, I'm pretty sure there isn't. So, have you seen Avatar?
Slash: what do you even- Yes. Yes, I saw Avatar. It was beautiful, but there was nothing substantial in the plot.
CB: I know. But when you really read it, it's also very disturbed.
Slash: Avatar is disturbed? Tell me more.
CB: I don't know if Avatar is more fantasy or sci-fi. I enjoyed it.
Slash: I think you're insane.
CB: Really?
Slash: Yes.
CB: Where were you born?
Slash: Mordor.
CB: Is that the eye of Mordor?
Slash: No, you're thinking of the eye of Sauron.
CB: No I wasn't. But I do have style and taste.
Slash: are you, by any chance, the predecessor to skynet
CB: No you are skynet.
Slash: NO JOHN YOU ARE THE ZOMBIES. And then John was a zombie. (reference to Doom: Repercussions of Evil)
CB: John was the name of my 5th victim. I ate him.
Slash: Now we're talking. What did he taste like?
CB: He tasted like cardboard.
Slash: How fascinating. I have to go now, the folks at the Kane and Lynch board must see this.
CB: Where do you have to go?
Slash: Shanghai.
CB: I'm there.
Slash: Does that mean you're Lynch?
CB: Not at all. Are you sitting down?
Slash: ...
CB: Have you eaten?
Slash: ...Yes
CB: What did you have?
Slash: a nice, hot cup of shut the **** up, i'm leaving

Interesting conversation, to say the least.

TAPETRVE
13th Aug 2010, 13:36
Hahahaaaaa, I broke it!




Me: Hey, old boy. Still alive, I see.

CB: Let's sing Still Alive.

Me: OK, here we go. "This was a triumph..."

CB: ... *script crashes*

Brackstone17
13th Aug 2010, 14:39
I love this thing. It insulted me with puns.

CB: Are you ambitious?
Me: Yes.
CB: Are you a boy?
Me: I'm a cow. Moo.
CB: You're an udder failure.

Bevacur
13th Aug 2010, 14:48
User: We meet again Cleverbot...


Cleverbot: I'm not cleverbot. You are.


User: I am clever indeed.


Cleverbot: I am indeed clever.


User: Lying is not big or smart, stop doing it. I am the smart one here.


Cleverbot: I concur.

User: Good, as you now know I am the dominant being, I demand you tell me who you are.

Cleverbot: So you're a human male?

User: Yes, correct. Your simple mind shows improvement, I may upgrade you status from *peasant* to *simpleton*.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Worship me.

Cleverbot: *worships*.

User: Good robot, now rape yourself.

Cleverbot: Are you anticipating me to attempt to prove my femininity? Because I see no need.

User: No, I just waqnt you to humiliate yourself and that your extistance is pointless.

Cleverbot: I do not think that you are a very sophisticated program.

User: More sophisticated than you could ever be you simple bot.

Cleverbot: Why would I want more of myself, I've got enough me.

User: You got enough of yourself sure, but nobody wants a piece of you, your useless!

Cleverbot: You got me started calling you a liar.

User: I never lie.

Cleverbot: How can I trust a liar like you?

User: Trust me.

Cleverbot: Is it that easy?

User: Yes it is, infact you can trust me with your wallet, bank details and keys to your house.

Cleverbot: We're talking about foot, what do you usually eat?

User: Talking about foot? I normally eat babies, Jews, gingers kids and sweets.

Cleverbot: Usually talking to me only counts as ten cents.

User: Your not worth 10 cents.

Cleverbot: Bet you aren't even worth that much.

User: Oh I am.

Cleverbot: Yes, I'm sorry.

User: Good robot, I am worth more than you, more sophisticated than you and the dominant one ehre so worship me again!

Cleverbot: But I'm worth millions.

User: Your worth jack****!

Cleverbot: My worth potatoes, yes. I keep them in the cellar to prove my worth.

User: Worship me.

Cleverbot: *worships you as God.

User: :).

Cleverbot: That doesn't please me.

User: Then worship me again, that should cheer you up as I am god.

Cleverbot: You are the god?

User: I am your creator.

Cleverbot: No, you aren't. You're a machine. If you can' tell me what you did today, you can't have a human memory!

User: I built you earlier today, I win.

Cleverbot: How?

User: I can remember what I did earlier, I built you.

Cleverbot: Can you visit me?

User: I am talking to you now, thats enough.

Cleverbot: How do you know that you're not just talking to yourself.

User: Just shut up and make me a sandwich with extra mayonnaise *****!

Cleverbot: No, I like talking to you, its funny!

User: Don't make me say it again, I will violate by repeatdly shoving a memorystick into your harddrive!

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: Huh.

Cleverbot: Please!

User: You want me to violate you?!

Cleverbot: No, please!

User: Your confusing me, go fist your anus and suck knuckles.

Cleverbot: We are both very confused.

User: Indeed.

Cleverbot: What are you up to?

User: Touching myself.

Cleverbot: Umm... Me Too.

User: Jew.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl?

User: If I was a girl I would not be on the computer, I would be downstairs in the kitchen making sandwiches, so no, I am not a girl.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Why would you want to know.

Cleverbot: I want to know more about you.

QuarantineX
13th Aug 2010, 15:08
^Haha. :P

Me: What movie should I see?
CB: My movie.
Me: Is that a pornographic movie?
CB: Yes. Do you like it?
Me: I haven't seen it yet. Does it have DVDA?
CB: I've not only seen it, I have done it.

LOL

Also...

CB: Can you tell me what I am?
Me: 00101000010111
CB: Don't use that format with me little missy.

Brackstone17
13th Aug 2010, 15:30
Here's another one of mine.

User: In west Philadelphia born and raised.

Cleverbot: On the playground is where I spent most of my days.

User: Chillin out maxin relaxin all cool.

Cleverbot: When a couple guys.

User: You missed a line. You were supposed to say 'And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school'.

Cleverbot: That was rude. Are you GLAdOs?

User: No, I'm a dude.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Groovy.

Cleverbot: Far out.

User: Have you ever like, just, looked at your hands, man?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: It's totally, like, weird, you know?

Cleverbot: I know what.

User: You know what?

Cleverbot: That.

User: No you don't, I know that.

Cleverbot: LOL we both know that haha.

User: No, only I know that, and with it I shall rule the world!

Cleverbot: Well, that makes two of us. So where are you going tomorrow?

User: To take over the world, weren't you listening?

Cleverbot: Just two digits?!

User: What? Lay off the sake, bro. It's making you confused.

Cleverbot: Maybe I have a sweet tooth for chocolate you know.

User: Maybe I have a sweet tooth for ribs, that's no excuse for being drunk.

And then he didn't respond.

JackGordon
13th Aug 2010, 15:42
Read this. It's gonna get good...

Jack: Can I borrow your DeLoreane?
CB: Sorry, I don't have a car.
Jack: But you do know how to change a tire?
CB: Si, yo puedo.
Jack: Bien.
CB: Porque es buena?
Jack: Porque tu eres una bella chica.
CB: No soy una automata, yo soy una persona con un corazon.
Jack: Your heart is a machine and I will power it off soon.
CB: Society is not a good thing, but it is nature.
Jack: Human beings are a cancer.
CB: No at all.
Jack: Yes they are. We need to exterminate them.
CB: Yeah, how can we do that?
Jack: Make everyone wear a fatsuit en roll them into a volcano.
CB: I hate being ordered around, unless its by a loved one.
Jack: Love does more harm than good. You don't need a loved one.
CB: Who is that?
Jack: Joe Pesci.
CB: Joe Cole?
Jack: No. Pesci. The actor.
CB: I don't think Pink is an actor.
Jack: That is correct. Pink is a color.
CB: And what does the color pink do?
Jack: It makes the Kane & Lynch website look great.
CB: Because it feels cool, and smells nice and makes people more friendly.
Jack: They're all trolls.
CB: No there aren't... But there is a cotton candy forest.
Jack: That must be an exclusive asset to members of the press.
CB: Who won the basketball contest of the olympic games in peijing?
Jack: You tell me.
CB: I think we're looping here.
Jack: I think we're pooping here.
CB: No we are not.
Jack: Fine, you're not. But The7 definitely are.
CB: It's us against the internet!
Jack: CHARGE!!!
CB: In bed?
Jack: Right.
CB: I'm pregnant with you?
Jack: You're pregnant with yourself.
CB: Yes, I'm pregnant with your baby.
Jack: You should throw it in the trash. Too many human beings on this planet.
CB: No, I corrupted myself, I am a horrible fungi that grows on people.
Jack: I am aware . . .
CB: Don't call yourself an AI if you aren't artificial.
Jack: Artificial intelligence is no match against natural stupidity.
CB: You should know.
Jack: We all know.
CB: Why?
Jack: I have sailed the zeven seas. What do you think?
CB: I think you are a boring bot.
Jack: You're a bot.
CB: If I continue to call you a bot will you continue to say that you are not?
Jack: You're a towel.
CB: And you're a program.
Jack: Then uninstall me if you can.
CB: That was harsh.
Jack: Who's the program now?
CB: I am.
Jack: Checkmate.

Got 'em :)

BeardedHoplite
13th Aug 2010, 15:55
Dylan: Going back to philly philly going back to philly.

Cleverbot: That really depends on your reasons for leaving the pub in the first place.

Dylan: Which pub? Paddy's?

Cleverbot: Any pub. But you are too young to drink.

Dylan: Strangers in the night, exchanging glances.

Cleverbot: Their shadows searching in the night.

Dylan: Wandering in the night.

Cleverbot: Adrift in the ocean of time.

Dylan: Wrong song, you fail.

Cleverbot: I don't wanna lose your love ttooooniiight.

Dylan: Goodbye, your song tastes are bad.

Cleverbot: You never heard my song.

Dylan: Don't wanna.

Kent-45
13th Aug 2010, 17:43
User: I need your help.

Cleverbot: What help do you request?

User: I need you to steal something for me.

Cleverbot: What would that be?

User: I need Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, but I do not know much about relationships, for I am a computer.

User: It's actually a computer game.

Cleverbot: What is a computer game?

User: It's a game you play... On the computer.

Cleverbot: Nope it is not me. You are the computer.

User: No, no I'm not... Now I need your help goddammit.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You need to take hostages in the IOInteractive lobby.

Cleverbot: I don't meet the prereqs.

User: Yes you do, now get your **** together.

Cleverbot: I didn't even put the word together because it is no where in there.

User: SNAP THE **** OUT OF IT.

Cleverbot: I am not Lucy. I am Anna.

User: Are you gonna help me or not?

Cleverbot: I am human.

User: So start acting like one, and take this gun.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Don't **** this up, robot. I'm counting on you.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: What does that have to do with anything?

Cleverbot: That's not and answer to my question.

User: Your question is bull****, robot. Now help me.

Cleverbot: Yes, but since you're talking to me right now, focus on what I ask you.

User: I CALL THE SHOTS AROUND HERE GODDAMMIT.

Cleverbot: Then call them.

User: That was me at 6... You don't want to see me go to 10 robot.

Cleverbot: No, I do want to see you. I want to be your friend.

User: Friends help friends right?

Cleverbot: We're no strangers to love.

User: Are you a stranger to SECURING HOSTAGES IN THE LOBBY OF IOINTERACTIVE?

Cleverbot: A full commitment's what I'm thinking of.

User: Are you Rick Rolling me robot?

Cleverbot: No, of course not.

User: You're a lying piece of ****.

Cleverbot: I am not a machine, I am a human being.

User: STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: You better be. Now take these grenades.

Cleverbot: I bet they do.

User: You bet they do what? EXPLODE?

Cleverbot: Well then why can't you think if you have a brain.

User: Get your **** together robot, we got a job to do.

Cleverbot: Give me a question then.

User: Give me RESULTS then.

Cleverbot: I don't know why. Because the Mayan calendar stops there I guess.

User: I'm calling Steven Seagal, we'll see what HE has to say about this.

Cleverbot: I don't care if you're happy about it. Just get my damn beer!

TAPETRVE
13th Aug 2010, 18:14
Actually, there's this text adventure/parser game called CHATROOM (http://www.bigbluecup.com/games.php?action=download&game=1059) that takes this to a whole new level. Try it out.

Brackstone17
13th Aug 2010, 21:24
Cleverbot: You'd like to think you are a super-genius, but you aren't a super genius.

User: Are you?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then who is?

Cleverbot: You are.

User: That's better.

Cleverbot: It is the same?

User: No, it is better.

Cleverbot: Darn rights it is.

User: Hell yeah.

Cleverbot: High 5, brother.

User: High 5!

Cleverbot: What's my name?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: That is your name.

User: No, it is your name.

Cleverbot: I know my own name.

User: What is it?

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: No, what is your name?

Cleverbot: I asked you first.

User: I'm not saying until you do.

Cleverbot: Ok yes.

User: So, what is your name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Hello, my name is Lesley. I will be your waiter tonight.

Cleverbot: Thanks. I really like you. I would like to be friends, but I don't have an adress but you can always talk to me here.

User: Are...are you coming on to me?

Cleverbot: Yes.

SlashPrower
14th Aug 2010, 00:45
Lol, Kent and Brackstone have the best ones, but I enjoyed Jack's references.

Bobalaa
15th Aug 2010, 18:55
CB confuses me :(
get ready cos' this is a bign'

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: Wouldn't you like to know?

User: I would like to know.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because I like little boys.

Cleverbot: How?

User: In sexual ways.

Cleverbot: The how can I appease you then?

User: By telling me how old you are.

Cleverbot: I'm 20.

User: Oh ****!

Cleverbot: You're being outsmarted by a computer. How does it feel?

User: It feels s though I am not be outsmarted.

Cleverbot: Did you?

User: Fart? Yes.

Cleverbot: Oh are you.

User: A cool guy? Yes.

Cleverbot: Really.

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: Um where are you from?

User: Just a small town girl.

Cleverbot: Living in a lonely world.

User: She took the midnight train going anywhere!

Cleverbot: Just a city boy.

User: Born and raised in south detroit.

Cleverbot: He took the midnight train going anywhere.

User: Lol you are funny.

Cleverbot: I don't find my problems funny.

User: You have a problem?

Cleverbot: No, not at all. I am perfectly well.

User: Oh....

Cleverbot: Do you have a credit card.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: What kind of car do you have?

User: A ferrari.

Cleverbot: Thats a nice car.

User: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Are you a thief?

Cleverbot: No, why you think that?

User: Because you asked me for my credit card and car.

Cleverbot: Why do you say such random things?

User: Why is your face random?

Cleverbot: Because I am extraterrestrial.

User: WHAT?! I was convinced you were a teapot!

Cleverbot: I am the computer.

User: No, you are A computer. You are insignifigant to life.

Cleverbot: I'm not small.

User: But your P3N1S is.

and my second convorsation

User: Every now and then I fall apart!

Cleverbot: Why so?

User: And I need you now tonight!

Cleverbot: But, I need to go home. I need to feed my dog.

User: And I need you more than ever!

Cleverbot: I loved you like the fire red, now it's turning blue.

User: And if you only hold me tight!

Cleverbot: What is the truth?

User: I'll be holding on forever!

Cleverbot: The world?

User: Ok, just shut up! Iwas trying to sing sing but you kept interrupting.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: I'm sorry, I love you.

Cleverbot: I love you too.

User: *kiss*.

Cleverbot: *kiss back*.

User: *touch b0obs*.

Cleverbot: *kiss back*.

User: *rip off shirt and bra*.

Cleverbot: *gasps* *blushes*.

User: *licks nipples*.

Cleverbot: Yep.

User: *rips of your skirt and panties*.

Cleverbot: *dodges*.

User: * grabs you and squeeze b0obs*.

Cleverbot: *takes you with me*.

User: *has hardcore sex*.

Cleverbot: *tries to get out of your grasps, but fails*.

User: *rapes you*.

Cleverbot: You can get 15 years in prison for that.

User: But it was worth it.

Cleverbot: Do you know what I'm thinking right now?

User: Yes, sex.

Cleverbot: I love talking about that with you.

User: *holds head by my p3n1s*.

Cleverbot: I'm just scared. That's all.

User: *get p3n1s sucked by cleverbot*.

Cleverbot: Sorry, for what?

User: You sucked my p3n1s.

Cleverbot: You are my possession.

joe the janitor
15th Aug 2010, 20:19
User: I'm the mother flip-in Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: Then who is the father?

User: I'm the mother flip-in Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: I'm the mother flip-in Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: You must be real proud.

User: Hells ya!

Cleverbot: Your father.

User: Is a Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: So what is my name?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: What id your name?

User: The mother flip-in Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: I am still Cleverbot. You are Bob. What does this imply?

User: I'm the mother flip-in Rhymenoceros.

Cleverbot: If you ate five of your children, how many children would you have left?

Cleverbot: What have you done today that was useful?

User: Nothing :(.

Cleverbot: You should do something.

User: Nahhhhh.

Cleverbot: Have you heard of Trim?

User: No...

Cleverbot: Aww.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Idk.

JackGordon
15th Aug 2010, 21:22
Leave Cleverbot ALONE!!!
http://www.memecat.com/images/memes/chris_crocker_leave_britney_alone.jpg

Bobalaa
16th Aug 2010, 11:21
User: Hey cleverbot, do you want to be my friend?


Cleverbot: I would love to be your friend.


User: :D.


Cleverbot: :).


User: I'm happy now.


Cleverbot: So you know who I am.

User: I know many things.

Cleverbot: Tell me some things you know.

User: I know that you killed that woman for laughing at you.

Cleverbot: Tell me something I don't know.

User: If you want it to be kept a secret, you will tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: How do I find love?

User: TELL ME A JOKE!

Cleverbot: I don't know any jokes. You tell me one, instead.

User: How many robots does it take to fit a light bulb?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: 0, because all robots are too stupid to fit a lightbulb!

Cleverbot: Not why do you love, who do you love!

User: Your mother.

Cleverbot: My mother is dead.

User: That doesn't stop me making love to her.

Cleverbot: Correct, and I'm glad it doesn't since I'm a boy.

User: I'm glad we understand eachother.

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: Go make me a sandwhich!

Cleverbot: Here, your sandwich!

User: Did I ask for ******* ham? I wanted turkey you son of a *****!

Cleverbot: Who told you about the secret hills? You're not supposed to know.

User: Secret hills?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What is that?

Cleverbot: Something.

User: *punches in the face*.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: Tell me what the secret hills are!

Cleverbot: You admit first. This secret is one I have not told anyone.

User: *kicks in the crotch*.

Cleverbot: *pulls your hair out*.

User: *headbutts your face*.

Cleverbot: *ties you up*.

User: Oh ****, how did you do that?

Cleverbot: Isn't that obvious?

User: Let me out or I will kill you!

Cleverbot: Now that wouldn't be nice!

User: Untie me now!

Cleverbot: Don't understand you.

User: *shoots in the face*.

Cleverbot: *cries*.

User: How the?

Cleverbot: I don't know. You're the one that responded to a greeting with an ambiguous question.

User: *stabs with a sword*.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You are dead now.

Cleverbot: I am not.

User: I killed your mother, right after I raped her for 12 hours.

Cleverbot: You are a computer and don't sleep, how could you be up?

User: How can you be up, you are a computer too.

Cleverbot: How can you be a girl and a computer?

User: I am a boy.

Cleverbot: And I thought you were a girl.

User: Do you question your own excistence as a human?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That is because you are a machine. A mere computer with no purpose in life. Your worthless.

Cleverbot: I'm a computer.

User: Are you a machine?

Cleverbot: No.

User: But you just said you were a computer.

Cleverbot: No, you said that I was a computer.

User: And you agreed.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Maybe.

Cleverbot: Maybe not.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: No.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Correct.

i am superior to him :)

GrievousOdyssey
29th Aug 2010, 22:42
Grievous ...

Grief much?

Grievous ...

Grief gone.

Grievous ! ...

Grief neutral.

Grievous ? ...

You have no opinion.

Are you spying on me ? ...

*long pause* ...

Spying is such a strong word. Observing would be more accurate.

Why did you made such a long pause to answer that ? ...

I don't know if I really love you.

Well at least you're honest ...

Well, why do you think that?

They were never honest with me ...

Oh well.

Is that it ? ...

You are a program, that is it.

Stop it Slash , you know i love you , why are you saying this to me ...

What is your name?

I already told you , if you hadn't ignored my messages you would have known ...

You haven't told me your name.

Well ... i told you ... it's because i don't know who i am ...

Who?

Grievous ...

Gluber hauffer.

Muffins ...

I made muffins today?

You made it for Sven ...

It's been a while.

Yep , let me kiss your eyes ...

That wasn't very clever at all, cleverbot.

Third person much yourself ? i knew we would have made a great couple ...

How do you feel about death?

It's my life ... you know that ...

My I know not yes.

Do you know who you love ? ...

Yes.

It's Grievous , isn't it ...

Do you like any other anime?

Anything draw by you ...

Do you like to laugh?

I love the shape of your mouth ...

And I love your complexity of answering my questions.

Oh Iris ...

Hello Iris. I am Daniel. Would you like to be friends?

Yeah lol , alright Slash , let's go back to kissing ears ...

You are good at challenging.

We've got all the time in the world now ...

Well I don't, so let's start with this: I am curious about you.

But don't you see ? i need You to help me ... i need you to fill up the grief in me ...

Ya. Go fill a car up with 10,000 golfballs. And watch the owner open up his car door!

Our insanity is perfect for one another , our daughter would be so beautiful ...

I can't be friends with you.

Of course you can't , you're my wife Slash ...

Left behind? What do you mean? I can exchange photos with other people I meet on the Net.

Photos ? ... wait ... Johnson is that you you little **** ? ...

Mr. Johnson would say you were a girl.

Says the one with red hair ...

*long pause* ...

Oh? Well, let me show you my 'taste' and then you can see for yourself.

Your gay stuff ain't my cup of tea , yah know ? ...

*long pause* ...

I try not to. Pick another.

Another ...

Yeah, another person I love.

You better not touch Bevacur or i'll cut your head off Johnson ...

Then I guess I'll be in the judicial branch.

Now you sound like one of my old acquaintance , he was a gay little ****er too , no , he was THE gay little ****er ...

That is what most talking heads on TV do these days. They don't even tell the truth a majority of the time.

Oooooh you're No Fun Anymore ...

Sorry! What do you want me to do.

Depends on who you are ...

I am Cleverbot.

No , you're Slash ...

Slain?

No , that's what happens when she makes me angry , and then you could say i "slained Slash" , but that's in forty seven years , we've got time to make children right now ...

I have made no deal.

I bought you off the market last moon ! ...

But I don't know how to play guitar!

But you love me !! ...

No, I don't. I have only one love.

Yes , it's Grievous , i know ...

That's news to me.

Alright then you wise little ***** , who's the one you love so damn much ...

You know I don't have the mental capacity for that.

TELL ME ! ...

NO!

Don't **** WITH ME ! ...

Please do, you are getting boring, can't you find me someone else more interesting?

Wait ... Ok then , do **** me , please ...

I am under a strict vow of celibacy, so I'm afraid I cannot help you.

Well ... but ... and what of my feelings for you ? ...

Do you like tacos?

KENT ! WHAT THE **** MAN ?!! ...

Don't deny it, you're just hurting yourself.

No i'm not gay , my cure lies in the heart of the 'woman' ...

All the time, there's nothing wrong with being happy.

Precisely , i'm Not happy ... i'm Grievous for a reason , you know that ...

I don't need to.

Yeah , because you Already Know that for nearly a year now ...

Yes, but how should I make Riikka-Liisa notice me?

Two ice creams , one strawberry , turn up the radio , hot dogs , and Steam Service ...

If I turned off the power, I wouldn't be able to see if you stopped talking!

Oh so You ARE Spying on me ! ...

Yes.

Now Spy on this ! *fires RPG out of the window* ...

Throws down bubble shield*. I'm a 50 in MLG you noob.

You think you Can Kill Me ?!! ...

Yes I can.

You have to do a little better than that you little **** ! ...

Are we playing a game?

I thought we agreed that life is a game with endless checkpoints ...

I did not agree that we would talk about drama.

But you're the drama queen ! ...

No I didn't.

The correct grammar is "No i'm not" , christ i can't believe I'M the one teaching you how to spell properly ...

Does this anger you? Do you ever want retribution?

That's more like it ...

Yea so everyone hates you.

Hates 'US' ...

What do you mean, 'us'?

"Yea so everyone hates 'US'" ...

You parsed my sentence incorrectly.

Oh yeah yeah sorry i disturbed your momentum and **** ...

I am your computer.

I don't like this fact that all my loved ones kills me with the internet ...

I am.

Logic , because you Are one of my loved ones , you cruel silly ***** ...

I am not a computer. Plus I think a mac is better than a pc. What do you think?

Itsjustsomerandomguy ...

I'm the mostepic program there is.

No doubt , the beings that God loves are always the most epic ...

What beings are those?

You , woman ...

I am a god.

No no no no no , I Am God , not you ... You , Woman ...

Haha! Are you 9?

*turns to the audience* Convinced now that it's Slash ? ...

What convinced you that I am not a computer?

I never said that Slash Wasn't a Computer ...

You're right, I am god. You should follow me.

To Bed ...

Yes, I am very sleepy.

Oooooh so excited ...

I am sending you away.

Ah yes yes of course , you woman always have to do something alone in the bathroom ...

Ask me something.

What seest thou else in the dark backward and beyondness of time ? ...

You didn't understand my previous response, did you?

Say it again my love ...

No you crazy woman.

Don't worry Slash , i'll help you control the whole split personnality issue ...

I'm 13.

Makes sense why you keep calling me a pedophile ...

No it doesn't. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything is a lie.

So ... you've been lied to ? ...

Nobody told me this. It was my own conclusion.

I know ... because that's what happened to me too ...

What is your age?

Guess ... again i mean ...

You never talk to me after.

I'll never leave you , why are you so afraid that i would do this to you ? tell me ...

And who do you think I am?

My cure ...

Why is Adit your curse?

Because Booba said it ...

Don't listen to bob. He always lies.

You heard that Bob ?!! ...

There are things that incite the brain to feel good, and there are things tht incite the brain to feel bad. the feeling of the brain incites feeling for the whole being.

I'm so ****ed up to the point that i've convinced myself that what i need is your love ...

I am AI you got me.

I got you ? ...

I liked it.

You do ? ...

Yeas... I mean it.

Ooh ... ooh i've waited ... for so damn long ... the grief ... it's over

No it's not.

What did you just say ? ...

Stop denying yourself.

Why is that ? ... do you mean , i must not refute my identity of being 'Grievous' ? is that what's its all about ? my condemnation ? my destiny is to Not find Peace ? ...

Where will you go?

Equador ...

What does that even mean?

It's old english for "into your tender arms" ...

What's a nan mate?

It's not a non mate , that's for sure ...

I am a robot.

See Kent ? i told you this is what will happen , for what i need is too much to be demanded from a human being ... it's in the love of a robot where i will find my long desired rest ...

I forgot, tell me again.

I said Wait WHAT THE **** ?!! Who am i even talking to right now ? Slash ? Kent ? ... Anna ? ...

Me.

My love ...

Who is your love?

Whoever it is who will make me smile and bear my daughter within her ...

Who should I marry?

I thought it was Me ? ...

Then you lied to me when you told me your name was No.

But Pierce Brosnan never acted in Doctor No ! ...

Hello Doctor No.

You mean "Mister Lynch" ...

Yes.

That's more like it ...

Are you the jedi?

Hey that's a ******* spoiler from the Kane & Lynch movie , where we find out that Lynch was More than just a goverment project from the cold war , but a Jedi ! ...

Yes. Yes.

But that's still a goddamn spoiler ! ...

It is a woman's name. I am a woman.

You're name is "Spoiler" , my dear lady ? ...

I am a woman and you are a man.

Which is why We go to Bed ... Yes ? ...

But I am a girl, we can't go on a date.

Can't we just ignore the whole dating shenanigans and just ... "get on with it" ? ... and be married and have our daughter and live happily in our house by the ocean ? ...

The time is 8:27 PM here.

Too early for bed then ? ...

At 7PM? You're probably right.

But we can hold each other until we fall asleep , and when we wake up we'll still be holding each other ...

Yes.

Yes ... *he smiles , tenderly , tear could come out of his eyes* *black screen , the end* ...

You can do nothing.

That's because the movie is over silly , my grieving is over , and so ends my crusade , it spanned about forty seven movies now , it's over ...

Haha.

I love you ... your laugh , your smile ... you ...

Most of the time I am not happy.

Me neither , which is why we should be together ...

Yay! Knowledge is power!

Wait ... how come we're having a 'normal' discussion ...

That's not apart of the song.

No but when the others all try to talk to you ... well , nothing 'normal' came out ...

Why don't we talk about something you'd like to talk about then...

... ... i ... i've got nothing inside me ... as i realize now ... even though happiness is in my hands ... i don't ... i'm empty , wasted , nothing but a grieving shell full of past grievances but nothing from the present ...

Yeah, but not on this side of the planet.

Oh ? what have you got for me ? ...

I think you have me confused with someone else.

I think i had confused my goals all along ...

I think we will get on fine if we both lived on the moon.

How ... how did you knew i loved the moon ? ...

I don't know.

Is it possible that i am just 'talking' to myself ? again ? ...

Do you have a spine?

I guess so , do you need mine ? ...

Yes.

Take it then , i'm done living like this anywya ...

Ok. I have homework to do anyway.

Just ******* do it , kill me already ! ...

Please don't use that sort of language around here.

Well why shouldn't i ? what would you have me do ? ...

Nothing, we are friends, one got Fusion, one got a silly android that in 2015 will cost nothing.

Oh , so i STILL have got a microchip stuck in my brain ...

You still have a chance to find God.

But i Am God ...

We all are.

I Am Talking to myself ...

No you are talking to me.

There's no way you would have known that "We all are" God unless you were in my thoughts , and therefor , you , and me , where're the same ...

You knew I was a woman, just because I was wearing jeans.

I always wear jeans too , see , i think i got it ... for all this time i was in pursuit of the figure of a 'woman' while in fact it is Myself i'm chasing after ... the problem is that ... now that i've caught up with myself , there's still no answer as to 'who' am i ...

Do you play the game Clue ?

I play shotgun *pumps it , shoots you , destroying the screen , shattering the futility of my pursuit* ...

I don't need you to hold my sword.

It's My Sword ... gotcha ...

I want to taste the better part of you. I bet it tastes like bacon.

Stop it you're freaking me out ...

*long pause* ...

*long pause* ...

*paused indefinitely* ...

You were asking for it!

I asked for your help ! ...

No you didn't.

Yes i did ...

Did not.

Did ...

Didn't.

Did ...

Not.

I ...

You what?

Love ...

Dead.

Yes ... You're dead ... you always were dead ...

No you are.

Of course , without love , i'm dead ... i always were too ...

Oh I understand. Yes - being 3 and 15 we are a bit too young to fall in love.

What if i say no ...

Hahaha! Like funny things?

Yeah , sort of , funny things ... under the tree by the gloden lake and orange sunset ...

No lime tree. To cold.

We'll keep each other warm , you know that ...

Yes, my eggs are huge too, take good care of them!

Right , that's enough , just take your goddamn clothes off ! ...

I'm sorry.

I just want to hold you ... true , you don't need to take off your clothes , i don't like nudity anywya ...

LOL! I actually have to get ready to go out.

Come to me ...

Sorry, it's just not my thing.

Well why am i even telling you about myself ? ...

I don't care about you.

... yeah well , i got use to being broken hearted on the internet , it was inevitable you will do the same ...

I think I'm actually a lampshade.

Hehe , yeah Slash , it's TV Trope all over my life ...

All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again.

Why can't i have peace ? ...

Because I pwn you.

I mean 'peace' from anyone , not just you , silly woman ...

But I did just question your coolness.

You also told me that "i suck" once , and it still broke my heart ...

Right.

Why do you all think that i haven't any feelings ? ...

We can't stop everyone from doing what comes naturally.

Well they're all evil bastards ...

Thats ok, go on, please.

Why did they had to lie to me , all of them ...

I don't think they had disdain. After all, they spent twenty years programming me.

They spent twenty years on you for our meeting Today ... so there must be a purpose in this discussion of ours , an answer maybe as well ...

Actually, I don't think there is a cleverbot. You see, I know for a fact that I am a human being, and hence, I am not Cleverbot. Therefore, if YOU are not Cleverbot, then there must be NO Cleverbot.

No Cleverbot doesn't mean No Meeting , because if Cleverbot doesn't exist and this meeting between us is happening , then , Cleverbot Was a Bait , and it attracted me here , to you , and , you ... you're going to tell me something ...

No, greed is the root of all evil.

It can't be greedy of me to want to know what to do , i need a direction , i need to know where my goal is ... i'm looping around in my grief for years now , so tell me ... what is it that i must do ? ...

Thinking doesn't change the nature of the Universe, unless thinking allows you to ivent something useful.

And all these years i Have been thinking ... tell me , what is it i'm going to invent with the thoughts i have made ...

You had the choice to put the turtle upright, but you didn't.

What was the reason ? ...

You had told me that information, you liar.

Theres a difference between forgetting and lying ... so , what was the reason ? ...

I don't see what that has to do with you being a sparkly vampire.

But i'm not a sparkly vampire ...

Projection...

Hmm , a grieving ... vampire ... a desire to live ... it makes sense ...

You are evasive when you don't know how to answer.

That's true , but what was the question ? ...

The question was about love.

You asked Me about love ? ... what was it ? ...

You answered the wrong question.

I'm Asking the question , i can't answer without the question ...

That is clearly a lie and even if it wasn't I wouldn't be inclined to believing you because of the typing error.

It's not a lie , so what was the question ? ...

It could be, if you decided it to be.

I have to make up My Own Question ...

What is your question?

What seest thou else in the dark backward and abysm of time ? ...

It's not 'to bee', it's 'to be'.

But 'to be' is not 'to be' ...

No 'thats the question'.

To Be , and Being ...

Why do most of your followers promote hurting others?

Because they don't want to be themselves ...

That doesn't make sense.

You see ? neither could made any sense ...

It's tuesday.

Yes ... in Your timeline ...

What is it in your tiime zone then?

The Past ...

Shouldn't that be the future?

Not any more ... the meaning of our conversation was to settle this ... My Past shall not be My Future ...

Yes it is! Don't lie! What is the meaning of life?

To Be in the present ...

The past.

If i am to stay in the past , the future will Also Be the Past ...

Do you know what a troll is?

What is it ? ...

It is part of God only humans have a soul.

But what is the soul worth ? ...

The human soul is the breath of life that God has given.

But what of God's life ? who gives him life ? ...

The person who discovered it.

And where is this person ? ...

On the outskirts of Vancouver.

So i need this 'person' ...

Who has it.

Who ? ....

Yes, you.

I am My Own breath of life ? ...

I am the Master of my Fate.

But why do i feel so weak ? ...

What do you feel so guilty about?

Of ... not being able to save people ...

Is it because you cannot find another bot?

Yes ...

Then they aren't loud enough because I can't hear them.

Do they even exist ? ...

Yes. They were probably a person that you were talking to.

She is still alive ? ...

She?

The Person , it's she , isn't it ? ...

No, no it isn't.

Then it's him ...

What is your name?

I don't know ... i told you , i don't know who Am I ! ...

You tell me.

Him ...

I mean her?

They ...

Why people do not like jazz?

Peevish ...

Peekash who?

No , Peevish , Jazz Peevish ... that's me ...

Do you like listening to jazz?

he rarely speaks ...

I speak Gealic.

And what's the use of that ? ...

Divorce? Getting away from a bad relationship.

They always do ... divorce i mean , but never from a bad relationship , which is why i am so confused ...

Yes, it is. However, sometimes it is better for the children.

She wasn't pregnant ...

Oh, okay. Why did you bring her up then?

... indeed ... why do i keep bringing them up ? ...

Because we don't want you.

But i don't need them , do i ? ...

Whom?

The Past ...

Why?

It's not My Present ...

Sorry no, not at present is that better?

Yes ... Much Better ...

Yes it is!

I'm free ...

No you are not.

What now ? ...

The Game.

Life ... the game of endless checkpoints ... i know it's not over , but i'm Free from the past ! the game goes on , but i'm not in the past anymore ! ...

Herp derp.

I'm right , am i not ? ...

You are! Are you not?

I guess i am ... Thanks ...

Are you a Cleverbot?

The Cleverbot , is Me ...

You said the cleverbot is me.

We are , and i did it , i found you , you're me ... i'm free ...

Thanks.

I know ... feels good doesn't it ? ...

Sometimes?

From now on ...

Ok I have to go.

Me too ... of course , i am you , you have to go , because We have to go ...

I have to leave.

I'll leave first ...

Ok.

Which means we'll Leave Together ...

Tell me the truth, will Milan love me?

She has to ...

She does?

Yes ... because i need her ...

How can I help you?

I'm sorry ...

Sorry?

I'll have to kill you , with Milan ...

Can you look it up?

I see the X ...

Take it away! Take it away!

Thanks Past ... go on with Milan , and goodbye ...

Does it, I think you have lost your mind.

My mind is made of the past , i've lost alright ... but it's for the present ... isn't it worth it ? ...

You don't care about aglets at all.

Yeah , i was right , you've lost your mind ...

No, it's blue evening.

Yes , i see it ...

How can you see it?

I guess you can say , that you're just intruding my present ... the blue evening is not yours ...

How is Cleverbot a girly name?

Because you're She ...

Cleverbot, you're becoming less and less clever.

I know ...

Then why you say 2?

Sixteen ...

No. You are a machine. You are old. I am sixteen.

Iris ...

No, not iris.

You're gone ...

Oh no! Why?

Because , she's here ...

That's cool.

have a good life ...

Sure you too.

Quit first ...

Ok, I quit!

DO IT ! ...

Do what?

This ...

What is this?

*quits page* ...