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Brackstone17
28th Jun 2010, 22:23
So getting the idea from an episode of Band of Brothers, I decided to do a little rhyming summary of the plot to the opening level of Kane and Lynch: Dead Men. Keep in mind though that it is not very detailed and the only accuracy is in major events and set pieces (even then it's iffy).

I guess it's sort of like a limerick, but I decided to ignore things like feet because I felt it would be a bit too difficult to make an epic poem in such a manner(that or because I was really lazy and freestyle is easier). I guess the only consistency is that it follows the pattern AABBA and all like lines contain the same number of syllables.


Pointless Character Introductions.

There once was a mercenary named Kane
Who in his right eye, once had bad pain.
For at it a Japanese man had stabbed,
And quite terribly and brutally jabbed
And caused it to become all white and plane.

There was also a man named Lynch
Who thought living life was a cinch
Until he murdered his wife
And had to live in such strife.
Now he's in a bit of a pinch.

Of his wife's awful murder he simply could not recall.
After what he'd done, cleaning up afterward could appall.
Cops were disgusted, and to carry her out the door,
Garbage bags were required, around about three or four.
Despite claiming complete innocence, Lynch still took the fall.


The Actual Story

Kane's life had a severe lack of luck
"How did it get this way, what the *****"?
As Kane still wallowed in his sorrow
James Lynch ordered him on that morrow,
"Mr. Kane, do as I say, now DUCK!"

With that there was a thunderous crash.
And Kane's head took a bit of a bash.
He wandered out in a bad daze,
Everything seeming in a haze,
Til he found a man that was quite brash.

"What is going on here, right now?" Kane demanded.
How the brash man quickly answered was quite candid.
"You're a treacherous old man in a rut!"
Then he struck Kane's nose with his rifle butt.
"Now get your old ass moving!" Kane was commanded.

It was a dangerous situation still.
They ran through machine shops, and over a hill.
Evading the police was all too easy.
They were all fat and starting to get wheezy.
The one problem was a copter you can't kill.

They found themselves in a cheap diner
Of which the food could be no finer
But the police just would not stop.
So Kane ran to the doughnut shop,
Where their problems were no more minor.

The combination of criminals and sweet,
Was simply too irresistible a treat.
For this the police came out in force,
And brought out all the big guns of course.
But it was too late, Kane went out the back street.

Kane dived to the van and while urging it to go
But was suddenly grabbed, by whom he did not know.
The large man holding him would not show any slack
As another man put on Kane a burlap sack.
Kane's last thought to himself: "This smells of potato."


So there it was. If I have all the linguistic skill of an illiterate mute, let me know so I never attempt creative writing again. If it was tolerable, I might make more if I get that bored again. If you read this far, thank you, and I'm sorry for any permanent damage to your IQ.

Morphilms
28th Jun 2010, 22:28
*Claps* Bravo sir, your rep is intact, as you recalled the day of "impact"

GrievousOdyssey
28th Jun 2010, 22:30
Indeed ... though i was personally expecting Kane's internal monologue throughout the whole game , kind of like a "What if Max Payne was reading Kane's thoughts ?" ...

SlashPrower
28th Jun 2010, 22:34
It was interesting, but the lines were a bit too long. It broke the flow of the poem.

However, it's still very funny and an enjoyable read.

GrievousOdyssey
28th Jun 2010, 22:39
This was one of my favorites ...


The one problem was a copter you can't kill.

BeardedHoplite
29th Jun 2010, 12:22
I laughed a few times. Keep on writing (or would it be poeming?)

Kent-45
29th Jun 2010, 16:41
I approve.

GrievousOdyssey
29th Jun 2010, 19:05
I approve.

Kent just approved , this poem has now the right to exist ...