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JackShandy
17th Jun 2010, 02:23
Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting pretty bored of arguing about a game that hasn't come out yet.

So hey, I thought I'd try something to amuse ourselves while we sit around and wait. This is a little something I picked up from the MSPA forums. (http://www.mspaintadventures.com) You issue commands, I draw them. Simple, yeah? Let's go.

http://i49.tinypic.com/2gvn4h0.jpg

You are ADAM JENSEN, head of security at EIDOS MONTREAL. Your hobbies include SMOKING, GRIMACING, and FLYING TO A VARIETY OF EXOTIC LOCATIONS AROUND THE GLOBE IN ORDER TO DEFEAT ANCIENT CONSPIRACIES. You've just gotten into work. It's a cold winter evening and the first cigarette of the night is just warming up. The night is young, the scotch is full, and your voice is as gritty as a throat full of gravel.

You are feeling particularly paranoid tonight.

What will you do?

KSingh77
17th Jun 2010, 02:35
Loosen the screws on an office spinning chair so when the person falls back,he or she will fall backwards.

Dazza
17th Jun 2010, 02:35
Look under your desk for any black op commandos that might be hiding there waiting to take you out!

JackShandy
17th Jun 2010, 03:07
Loosen the screws on an office spinning chair so when the person falls back,he or she will fall backwards.


http://i50.tinypic.com/352q53b.jpg

You quickly turn to the first order of business: Booby trapping your office. Can't be too careful. You go over and loosen the screws-

http://i49.tinypic.com/2gxk8bc.jpg

Suddenly, you're attacked by a black ops commando that leaps out from under your desk!

Man, living in a world where every conspiracy is real sucks.

Dazza
17th Jun 2010, 03:09
Grab the commando by the head and thrust him against the wall before launching him out through the window using your augmented strength.

maddermadcat
17th Jun 2010, 03:12
Fondle facial hair in a villainous manner.

KSingh77
17th Jun 2010, 03:15
Bribe him with orange,make sure its not lemon.

JackShandy
17th Jun 2010, 03:33
Grab the commando by the head and thrust him against the wall before launching him out through the window using your augmented strength.

http://i49.tinypic.com/350o4rd.jpg

You haven't got AUGMENTED ARMS yet, dumbass!

Nevertheless, you quickly judo-throw the scoundrel right into the pre-rendered skyline.


Fondle facial hair in a villainous manner.

http://i46.tinypic.com/2gugpb5.jpg

+ 10 EXP!

You celebrate by stroking your GLORIOUS GOATEE and muttering that everything is going exactly according to plan.

http://i50.tinypic.com/19uqz4.jpg

Well. What now?

hem dazon 90
17th Jun 2010, 03:56
go pick up girls

KSingh77
17th Jun 2010, 04:12
Put in a minicam and capture the whole stunt.

JackShandy
17th Jun 2010, 04:17
go pick up girls

http://i46.tinypic.com/dny0c2.jpg

Having just defeated a black-ops commando in hand-to-hand combat, your thoughts immedately take the logical turn to BOOTAY. Namely, the bootay of HOT SCIENTIST GIRL - the one the trailers indicate is probably your love interest or something.

Her cute button-nose... her ruffled lab coat... the way she screams your name as she's abducted by terrorists... Why, it's almost enough to make your grizzled, hardworn face smile a little.

Almost.

Maybe you should try and give her a call or something.

Dunecat
17th Jun 2010, 05:31
Call her. Ask about recent scientifical breakthrough in field of human augmentation, and why there were Terrorists in the first place.

KSingh77
17th Jun 2010, 05:36
Rescue her,like a Mario saving Peach from the evil hands of Bowser and his Koopas.

Neveos
17th Jun 2010, 05:50
Call her while jumping out the hole in your apt, and induce your own augmentation... blame it on the commando

JackShandy
17th Jun 2010, 06:11
Call her. Ask about recent scientifical breakthrough in field of human augmentation, and why there were Terrorists in the first place.

http://i49.tinypic.com/30v0ztl.jpg

You decide to call her up on your MEGA TV-O-PHONE. Man, she's gonna be so impressed when she hears about that commando you took down. Straight out the window. You're already planning the conversation out in your head. A grimace, a look out onto the horizon, an assertion that you were only doing your job. Flex a little. Yeah.

Hmm. That's odd, it's having some trouble turning on. Maybe it-

http://i46.tinypic.com/2d0j911.jpg

oh

Dead-Eye
17th Jun 2010, 10:09
Oh Snap... Riots!

You best go and kill baby Bob Page, using the power of you're time paradox information augmentation. Thus thorting the N.W.O's plans for world enslavement before they even begin. The only question... Are you're sunglasses set for Night Opps?

Tecman
17th Jun 2010, 11:45
Run around in circles in the office while screaming at the top of your lungs while panicking.

Then go post about it on your blog / write it down in your journal if you're old-fashioned.

Then go over there.

SkullGun
17th Jun 2010, 13:42
Unplug your i-PSWii60 Box Pad game console.

Dunecat
17th Jun 2010, 14:09
What ever you will do, AJ, DO NOT FORGET: to dispatch some security personell; to search desk for a gun; to take on sunglasses and trenchcoat; to drink a glass of scotch, light a ciggarette, and announce that you never asked for this, before heading to that scientist girl and terrorist party.

FreedomForever
17th Jun 2010, 14:17
Troll a forum and go check your facebook.

KSingh77
17th Jun 2010, 16:32
Change the channel

Who the heck left it on the violent channel?

JackShandy
19th Jun 2010, 13:19
Run around in circles in the office while screaming at the top of your lungs while panicking.

Then go post about it on your blog / write it down in your journal if you're old-fashioned.

Then go over there.

http://i45.tinypic.com/2ho8e9x.jpg

****!

Using your honed reflexes, you flip open your iDATAPAD and alert facebook of the problem with lightening speed.

http://i45.tinypic.com/2ldej2d.jpg

Oh, hey, you've already got a comment! It's from HOT SCIENTIST CHICK!

http://i45.tinypic.com/2vsexix.jpg

Valdyr
19th Jun 2010, 13:46
Realising there is nothing you can do about the terrorist attack you hide under the desk and begin to cry, maybe if you start praying god will hear your plea and smite the terrorists for you.

KSingh77
19th Jun 2010, 16:07
Strap on your guns and get ready to go Clint Eastwood style on those terrorists.

Corpus
19th Jun 2010, 16:10
Drink all the booze, pick up the chair and go out of the room to find somebody to throw it at.

AaronJ
19th Jun 2010, 16:17
use your Icarus Landing System as a hamper ball to get to Eidos Montreal faster.

JackShandy
20th Jun 2010, 03:00
Strap on your guns and get ready to go Clint Eastwood style on those terrorists.

http://i49.tinypic.com/i55avn.jpg

Alright. It's time to show SCIENTIST CHICK what you can do. You equip your BADASS TRENCHCOAT, guzzle some SCOTCH for the road and light up a CIGARETTE.

Only thing left to do is strike a pose while muttering your catchphrase.

http://i49.tinypic.com/pow82.jpg

I never asked for this.

http://i48.tinypic.com/ms26ip.jpg

http://i50.tinypic.com/30lorav.jpg

You're on FLOOR FIVE, and by the looks of the TV screen the terrorists are on FLOOR THREE. There's some STAIRS leading down there from your office and an ELEVATOR SHAFT in the corner of the floor.


use your Icarus Landing System as a hamper ball to get to Eidos Montreal faster.

You currently have 0 AUGMENTATIONS installed. Your inventory holds two PISTOLS, a half-empty bottle of SCOTCH and a pack of CIGARETTES. You're at full health and your trigger-finger's feelin' itchy.

Let's roll.

Skin
20th Jun 2010, 04:48
You get the sudden urge to visit the loo...

JackShandy
20th Jun 2010, 05:23
You get the sudden urge to visit the loo...

http://i46.tinypic.com/t89pvo.jpg

...

*flush*

http://i46.tinypic.com/30jiijc.jpg

Ok, now you're good. Let's roll.

Let's do this. No more procrastinating.

Alright ...now.

KSingh77
20th Jun 2010, 06:44
Head down to the third floor.

Readying your guns,course when the elevator doors open,you are met with a hail of gunfire.

Dead-Eye
20th Jun 2010, 08:41
Attack a DOG!

Dead-Eye
20th Jun 2010, 08:43
Attack a DOG for XP!

Nathan2000
20th Jun 2010, 10:45
Stairs are for losers.

Force open the doors to the elevator shaft, then rappel down (with your TENTACLES!) to the third floor.

Corpus
20th Jun 2010, 11:47
Lubricate the elevator cables with a bit of scotch and slide down in style to the third floor.

JackShandy
20th Jun 2010, 11:59
Head down to the third floor.

Readying your guns,course when the elevator doors open,you are met with a hail of gunfire.

http://i50.tinypic.com/24e0xgw.jpg

You stroll into the elevator and push the button for LEVEL THREE with the butt of your PISTOL. Not even the happy-go-lucky elevator music can lift your spirits now. It's time to finish this. Time to take back what's yours. Time to-

http://i45.tinypic.com/acr1gh.jpg

http://i47.tinypic.com/rubmef.jpg

The doors open to reveal a hoard of BLACK OPS COMMANDO's surrounding the elevator, all with ASSAULT RIFLES primed and pointing directly at your head.

http://i46.tinypic.com/11v446c.jpg

Sonuva...

Quickload.

http://i47.tinypic.com/155kw44.jpg

Anyone else got any ideas?

LisuPL
20th Jun 2010, 12:19
Show them pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker and Adam will be saved.

Lady_Of_The_Vine
20th Jun 2010, 13:05
Appease them with a crate of choc-chip cookies.

AaronJ
20th Jun 2010, 13:32
Use MULTI-KILL!

Righto
20th Jun 2010, 13:36
Close the door and take the air duct.

Valdyr
20th Jun 2010, 13:40
Call upon the mighty Ares to strike down your enemies in exchange for your loyal servitude.

Rindill the Red
20th Jun 2010, 16:06
Toss your scotch into the elevator, dive out of the way while shooting the scotch with your pistol so that it blows up right next to one of the black op's grenade belts, which knocks all of the pins out of those grenades and they all go off, while you jump roll out of the way (to the left), the elevator explodes in a giant mess of blood and gore and falls down the shaft, you grab onto the elevator cable and ride down with them a part of the way till you jump off onto the third floor.

KSingh77
20th Jun 2010, 19:32
Toss some flash grenades,blind them and gun them down.

That or offer them the last honey bun,why is it that office workers are so desperate for honey buns?

Corpus
20th Jun 2010, 20:38
Engage the group in conversation and pick sweet talk option every time.

Badmaker
20th Jun 2010, 20:40
a LAM is a bad choice for close range combat.....

remmus
20th Jun 2010, 20:46
show them the most adoring kitty ever...then blast them while there stunned by it´s cuteness.

KSingh77
21st Jun 2010, 08:20
Drop a dollar on the floor

That always works.

LisuPL
21st Jun 2010, 08:51
Since they are all black...throw in a basketball....

JackShandy
21st Jun 2010, 10:50
Call upon the mighty Ares to strike down your enemies in exchange for your loyal servitude.

http://i47.tinypic.com/1072ov8.jpg

"ARES! STRIKE DOWN MY ENEMIES, AND I WILL PLEDGE YOU MY SOUL!"

"AS YOU WISH."

http://i46.tinypic.com/2rqh6l1.jpg

You slaughter the commandos with ease, and in return, Ares becomes the new Creative Director of Human Revolution. Under his direction, the title is re-named DEUS OF WAR, and becomes a blockbuster hit beat-em-up title for the PS3 and Xbox that goes on to spawn a million dollar franchise with an enormous fan base.

Every Deus Ex fan in the universe commits suicide.

http://i46.tinypic.com/1o7fux.jpg

Quickload.


Engage the group in conversation and pick sweet talk option every time.

http://s6.tinypic.com/rubmef_th.jpg


"There you are, Commandos! Man, I've been looking all over for you guys. Have I ever told you how much I love the way you guys like, Command stuff?" You ask with a winning smile.

Their approval rating is up! Now to push it all the way to 100 with a stunning gift-


Since they are all black...throw in a basketball....

http://i46.tinypic.com/11v446c.jpg

CRITICAL CONVERSATIONAL ERROR

uurgh, Quickload...


Close the door and take the air duct

http://i50.tinypic.com/aw59br.jpg

You whip around and press the DOOR BUTTON with lightening speed. The DOOR slams shut, and you crawl into a nearby AIR DUCT. Behind you you can hear the 14 COMMANDOs simultaneously mutter "Thought I saw something - Guy in a coat." before backing off with a "Probably nothing."

You're safe- for now...

LisuPL
21st Jun 2010, 14:36
In an attemp to make the time flow quicker, make a pencil disappear....

Sulix
21st Jun 2010, 14:49
start singing the main theme of golden eye while playing around with the guns

KSingh77
21st Jun 2010, 16:08
While crawling around,the vent floor starts shaken and Adam falls through.

He ends up in the breakroom where a fat terrorist is pigging out from the fridge.

KSingh77
25th Jun 2010, 16:54
Keep this thread going!

whackodude
25th Jun 2010, 19:59
Smoke the cigarettes in the air duct to poison the ventilation system.

Fig89
26th Jun 2010, 03:10
After CRAWLING a bit through the vents, you reach a vent in the ceiling just above all the BLACK OPS. Carefully OPEN the vent, throw your SCOTCH to the ground. While the guards are distracted CRAWL back down the vents and sneak into the now empty ELEVATOR.

Also, at some point in this process, perform your "Please god don't let there be a greasel in these ******** vents" ritual.

Fluffis
26th Jun 2010, 03:24
You push the button to start the elevator ascending. Just before you reach your floor, the elevator grinds to a halt. Activating your Speed/Jump augmentation, you bust open the maintenance hatch above you, and land on the roof of the elevator. Across from you, there is a vent. You crawl in, round a corner and there, sure enough, is a greasel.

Gaunt88
26th Jun 2010, 08:57
>Use the vents to find Scientist Chick's workstation. Don't forget to grimace. Maybe even scowl a little.

>Keep an eye out for useful items inexplicably left lying around in the vent shafts.

JablesKage
26th Jun 2010, 09:27
Epic

AaronJ
29th Jun 2010, 14:07
Where'd he go?

Neveos
29th Jun 2010, 14:58
You guys suck at ideas is what happened.

Suspecting that the black ops are a heavily armed militia (probably operating illegally), and having no cell phone, you quickly reach into your pocket and pull out your cigarette box and lighter. You light the cigarette box, and reaching back into the elevator, you hold the smoking box up to a fire alarm.

KSingh77
4th Jul 2010, 18:48
Where is this person?

JackShandy
5th Jul 2010, 08:40
Oh man, guys, Sorry! I was up at the beach without internet for a while and I didn't think anyone would still be interested in this. Well, if you're still going, then I'm game.


http://i46.tinypic.com/2ch5edh.jpg

You are now in the AIR DUCTS, right above the COMMANDO ARMY. It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a GREASEL.

Below you, you can just barely make out the sound of the COMMANDO ARMY being berated by a MENACING SOUTHERN DRAWL. It mentions that they've Failed him for the last time and he Won't be responsible for the consequences.


You light the cigarette box, and reaching back into the elevator, you hold the smoking box up to a fire alarm.

http://i50.tinypic.com/125lwk0.jpg

Your CIGARETTE sets of the FIRE ALARM and the EMERGENCY SPRINKLERS start spurting merrily away. Everyone below you is now REALLY PISSED.

Gaunt88
5th Jul 2010, 22:46
>Curse the fact that you left your electrical arc-projector gun at home today.

>Discretion is the better part of valour. Quietly crawl away and... Ah, screw it. Equip your pistols akimbo-style, kick a vent cover out, swing down by your knees and blast away.

El_Bel
5th Jul 2010, 23:36
Find your way through the air ducts to the control room and find the building self destruct button (with a timer set to ten minutes).

Trioptimum
6th Jul 2010, 00:34
Use a paper clip to disengage the sprinkler system !

KSingh77
6th Jul 2010, 00:56
Use a paper clip to disengage the sprinkler system !

That'll work

Next shoot up the terrorists whose Daft Punk Helmet's vision has been screwed up due to the sprinklers,make your way to the lab to see if the damsel in distress is okay.

atLaNt1s
6th Jul 2010, 01:45
You recieve a transmision by paul denton in his early years.

Intestinal Chaos
7th Jul 2010, 05:08
Get Hong Kong on their asses.

Hack the conveniently placed switch to flood the room below with poisonous gas.

Amore
8th Jul 2010, 18:58
Get Hong Kong on their asses.

Hack the conveniently placed switch to flood the room below with poisonous gas.

Did someone say, deadly neurotoxin?

JackShandy
13th Jul 2010, 02:42
Find your way through the air ducts to the control room and find the building self destruct button (with a timer set to ten minutes).

http://i32.tinypic.com/fykin7.png

You scurry through the maze of CONVENIENT MAN-SIZED VENTS like a rat in a trenchcoat, finally managing to escape the COMMANDOS and locate the CONTROL ROOM.

http://i27.tinypic.com/20z7g61.png

This is the centrepoint of the entire building's automated security system. Technically you're meant to oversee this whole section, but you usually leave this kind of stuff to the techheads.

The ones currently being held hostage by an army of ANGRY COMMANDOS.

You're sure you must have ordered a SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE or a switch for DEADLY NEUROTOXINS installed somewhere around here... What kind of office building doesn't have one of those?

Rindill the Red
13th Jul 2010, 02:54
You type

> Help

Suddenly the screen goes dark and a face appears. A computerized voice says, "I am Morpheus."

KSingh77
13th Jul 2010, 03:19
You logged in and found out that the tech heads have been on porno websites.

Notned
15th Jul 2010, 19:04
You logged in and found that the tech heads have not only been on porno websites, but that they've been Rule 63'ing you. It's very meta. You recall your paper on existentialism from your college days, and the mistake it was to major in philosophy. Look where it got you. Security at a terrorist magnet. Your father was very dissapoint.

Most of all, you remember the turning point. The point of your life which made you a stoic and hard man. You remember starbucks, sitting at a table waiting for your order while sifting through the wanted section of the papers. It was a hot day, so you ordered an Iced Capp, but the lady, she brought you a chocolate frappucino. It was then that those fateful words breached your lips. '...I never asked for this.'

Getting back to the matter at hand, you erase the rule 63 images. It's what the terrorists must have been looking for. They will not be impressed, for they are legion; they do not forgive, they do not forget; they are anonymous.

Rindill the Red
17th Jul 2010, 03:03
You logged in and found that the tech heads have not only been on porno websites, but that they've been Rule 63'ing you. It's very meta. You recall your paper on exostentialism from your college days, and the mistake it was to major in philosophy. Look where it got you. Security at a terrorist magnet. Your father was very dissapoint.

Most of all, you remember the turning point. The point of your life which made you a stoic and hard man. You remember starbucks, sitting at a table waiting for your order while sifting through the wanted section of the papers. It was a hot day, so you ordered an Iced Capp, but the lady, she brought you a chocolate frappucino. It was then that those fateful words breached your lips. '...I never asked for this.'

Getting back to the matter at hand, you erase the rule 63 images. It's what the terrorists must have been looking for. They will not be impressed, for they are legion; they do not forgive, they do not forget; they are anonymous.

W*T*F is exostentialism?

Lol to the "...I never asked for this."